Transcription #143
Hey, guys, welcome to threads podcast life on filter. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for listening, all that fun stuff. Today is Episode 143. We have a guest on the show is Ben son, Stefan. And we’re gonna just have some fun tonight. But before we do that Ben’s gonna explain what threads is all about and a little bit more deep into what we’re going to talk about tonight.
Yeah, and what’s funny, we’re so used to saying tonight, I know it’s it’s 130 in the afternoon, I was this mass. So we indeed do have my son stuff on. I brought it up to him like a month or so ago and was like, Hey, would you be interested in doing this? Honestly, I thought you’d say No way. But here he is. So we’re gonna sit down with Stefan. And we have three main areas that we focus on the show, we’ll hit all of them today, I’m sure. We talked about faith, mental health and uncomfortable conversations. So that’s kind of where we’re headed today. We’ll have some interview style questions. You know, talk about some of our experiences in the Crocker family, all that good stuff. But to get started, just to get everybody comfortable and easing into the night. Day,
whatever it is. early afternoon. Yeah, I
got two icebreaker questions. The first, if there were 25 hours in a day, how would you spend your extra hour? Anybody want to go first?
I’ll go first. So we I was talking to Stefan before that my extra hour, I would probably spend playing Call of Duty. I do enough work. I do enough exercise. I do enough podcasting. I don’t do enough gaming. I think I would do that. That’s probably a terrible answer. Honestly, it’s honest. It’s unfiltered. But I think I should probably say spend time with my family. But yeah, that’s what I would do. I absolutely love it. I can’t wait for a new game to come out. But this this, this platform has done a pretty good job dropping maps every couple of weeks. So it’s, I get bored with the maps. Like I’m just like, I need a new one. I need a new I need a new one. So what about you?
I would say if I was giving the holy banned answer, no, I don’t want that no one was the ideal answer. I would say I would like to have it to spend time growing in my faith. And I think that’s the honest truth. But there’s also the unfiltered version of Honestly, I would just like another hour to sleep. I love sleep. And you know, some days I just don’t get enough. There’s so much going on in a day. And if I were honest, I think that’s probably the top of my list is just another hour to even if I’m not sleeping to just recharge.
I think I’ve had I had. So I was looking at whoop, we always talk about what I’ve had incredible week of sleep. Your sleep performance over this week is higher than your prior 14 average at 7%. So like I slept for 10 and a half hours last night like so amazing. Yeah, I know. Like look at look at this graph. Like it’s almost at 100% for the whole week. I’m so proud of that. I will show mine. Well, you know what’s funny on whoop is I know we’re digressing here. But real quick, if you look at the monthly, you can sleep. You sleep. You can see everyone’s percentage of the monthly Yeah, like yours is 84% mine’s 89. Mike’s 95, but even during the week, so you’ve done all right. This week was better look at and even my good week asleep, Mike still better than me. Wow. But what about you, Stefan, if you had an extra hour now it’s got to be different for kids because they have a lot less responsibility. Very
true, but I probably spend it hanging out with friends. Okay, man. So because it’s like we’ll be hanging out right? And it’s like three in the morning. We get in tired and we’re just talking. And if I had an extra hour, it’s I feel like we could go for longer and have that fun stay for longer than just pass them out on the couch in a basement.
Yeah, you you’d want an extra hour of actual like, You’re awake. good conversation, not just like, I can’t do it. Yeah, I’m too tired. So that’s a good answer. That’s a good answer. Yeah, this
is a kid who was up till three last night at a friend’s house. How can you do
that and get up for church like those nights I’d be I can’t do it man. Like I do it on Friday. But if I had to get up for anything,
my dad is the reason that
he was in rough shape, but he rally so we have to do Tim Hortons before it. Sure. Yeah,
that’s a nice that’s like a I wouldn’t
call it a bribe. I’d say
no, it’s like, it’s like, well, at church we always did bagels before COVID the church would have bagels in like orange juice and stuff. And the kids really loved that and now they don’t have it so we maybe we have to because of COVID for whatever reason, but it’s like okay, I’m not gonna get they just don’t want people congregating by the bagels. I’m like set up some other system but I think it’s cool the Tim Horton things kind of little tradition. Dinner, whatever. Are you drinking coffee?
No.
Okay. Well the how does that get you up in the morning? This is a treat.
I don’t know I just get up and it’s like, like for the first hour, I’m really tired and then I like I’m good for like five hours and it hits me like a truck and I just take a nap. Okay?
Again, less responsibilities. Just take a nap. Seriously. The second one? What’s the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever done this question. Okay. Why did I read the parentheses like an idiot? What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever done? Well, I’m gonna let you go first. Or unless you want time to think about
it. I need time to think of what about you, Ben?
A good old Dan and Mary. I would say the most embarrassing thing as an adult. It’s it’s small, but my parents just have this way of bringing up stuff from when I was a kid. Like, on a road trip. I said something like, Hey, who’s cows are those and now every time we get together, it seems like at so at some point in the night. My mom or dad will look over at me and they’re like, a band whose cows are those? Really?
They say every time I can
larious
so I don’t know. I feel like that’s minor but it’s just one of those things that sometimes gets on my nerves.
What if they said that and you turn to them and say, EFF off mommy? But actually said that word right? Just see their face like someone record it you record it. And then just I’m kidding I’m totally kidding. I’m totally kidding. This was just we just want to see your reaction.
Yeah. So it just feels like they always have something in their back pocket to bring up from when I was younger. And I guess that’s all parents but yeah, sometimes it just gets a little old so just I would say that’s that’s the most embarrassing is they’re embarrassing me.
Yeah, honestly, I would my terrible memory I don’t I don’t really remember that. I mean, I guess what I guess in general it would be my mom and dad screaming at all my athletic events. Like why that would embarrass you like they weren’t those parents were there like you know being obnoxious to a rat I never did anything with a rap I did non contact sports I did swimming and running. So there wasn’t like anyone like yell at you know, other than you know someone another athlete, but
your parents were yeller said games. And meats Really? Wow.
Well, I ran the 100 yard dash so it’s over in 10 seconds so I mean, that was quick but but no I would when you were swimming because you go under water. You’d come up for a breath and you hear that? I mean the whole time like you could hear your parents voice because it’s like, under the water then above under the water that above so I would say that’s probably it. But
oh, Stefan, how have we embarrassed you?
I don’t know I got one and that’s probably my dad is that he’s I like I’ll embarrass myself. And it was it’s kind of like pick up the pieces that he that he doesn’t really like he he doesn’t do stuff like that. But my mom was like, it’ll be like a soccer game when I was really young and I’d get injured a lot because I was a little care. I don’t know something fragile. And
you spend more time on the ground than you did run in season. Every time
I’d get hurt my allergies here my mom like she would be like screaming yodeling I don’t know what to call it. And my all my family was there and all my friends were there and they’re like, Who is that lady? I’m like, Oh, no, some crackhead. That’s probably what’s the most embarrassing stuff that you just when I was younger? I love the
yodeling yodeling or
something. Yeah, I would anyone be the one screaming from the sideline? Yeah. And actually screaming I’m just quietly going to see Stefan to make sure he’s okay.
Yeah. Yeah, you’re like move two seats over to for the whole match. So she doesn’t embarrass you. Oh, great. So we’re gonna have we have a couple of quizzes, just kind of not really a quiz, but just some questions for us to find a little bit and we can kind of riff off any of it. And you know, if either of us have anything to bring, of course, but So question number one, Stefan, who is the most strict parent, so it’s gonna be interesting to hear these before we go these answers, because I know both you obviously know you more than Andy. But I know both of you. So I’m curious. So who is the most strict parent?
I feel like, it’s definitely my mom again. So like, I don’t know, like, I’ll, I’ll forget, like, I’ll lose my lunchbox, my lunchbox and she’ll, like, she’ll get on me about responsibility and stuff. And I feel like my dad’s mad. He’s like, you got to pick it up. But that’s all that’s all I’ll say. And then that’ll be it. But my mom, it’ll be like four days later, and I’ll be like, shoot, I can’t find my panties. I said, damn lunchbox. I’m like, I’m like, all right. It’ll just be a continued like, it’ll be a sequence and like when I’m going somewhere, she’s she’s better about this now. But she’s like, who’s going? What are you doing? And I’m like, I have no clue. We’re going to the movies and we’re going to be there for four hours, when we might just sit and talk. I don’t know. Do you want like a, like a run? No rent? Yeah, in the night,
I get that. But when when it comes down to like, I don’t know, is this a question? No. When it comes down to like punishment, like, okay, you’re supposed to be home at 11. And you come home at 1130 does is it Dad? That’s like, dude, your dad, or is it Mom? I assume mom,
I’d say my dad will probably punish me. But my mom will get angry. But then she’ll be like, it’s all right. And then she’ll get angry for like an hour. Say it’s all right. And then nothing will happen. My dad will punish me and then just go do a puzzle or like, watch the news. Shelter.
Go do a puzzle or watch the news. Yeah.
That was great. Okay, that’s fair that that kind of lines up in your mom and I are like a lot of light from our childhood and stuff like that. We’re both kind of Spitfire so that that kind of lines up a little
bit. Yeah. Now one thing that we talked about at lunch, as we were prepping for this, all four of us had lunch after church. And Stefan was like, I read one of the questions and it was who’s the most strict? And, and he was like, You do know that it’s dad, who’s the one that’s questioning a lot of the time and, and I have to talk him off a ledge in order to let you go do things. And Stefan was like, Really?
So that really, I think.
So it’s actually me, I’m the one who’s almost a worrywart sometimes, like, well, who else is gonna be there? Like, what do you guys gonna be doing? So I think maybe Andy is the one who, unfortunately gets the brunt of it. Yeah.
It’s like that he she’s their spokesperson. Yeah, like, troll. Is it like the puppet man?
Yeah, he’s the puppet master.
I should do more talking so that it’s not all coming from her. Well, I
mean, that happens with parenting, like we were Megan and I were in therapy, and her and I struggle on certain stuff together. But when it comes to parenting, we’re like rock stars. Like, for whatever reason, we come together and have an amazing, whatever, delivering a punishment or those kind of things and how they’re my therapist is like, you have to take that and do it together in your relationship. I’m like, it’s harder. It’s because it’s about the kid. So it’s like, you’re on the same team focusing on like, being a good parent.
Yeah. So Stefan, what do you want to do after high school?
All right. So let’s back up. What grade are you in now? Just for people for reference context?
Yeah, going into my sophomore year. Okay, so you have three years left? Yeah, two years left. So I haven’t thought about it much. But one thing I’ve always liked the two things that default to do or like, maybe welding because I really don’t like school. Like I hate I hate waking up and going there and just learning stuff that I’m not going to use. And so I’m like, well, then I go to school and like, learn how to do my job and I can go and do it in like two years or whatever it takes. And if I don’t like that, and then maybe it’s off to the army. Whoa,
wow. You know what school is not for everybody. I did not like school you there. It’s tough. Like you’re taking these classes that you’re literally never I mean, it’s to make you a well rounded person. That’s the goal. But like history, like Do you remember anything from history? Yes, of course. Remember the wars and everything you do remember it? But yeah, does it? does it apply in the real world? Do I think about it every day? No. Does it help your job? No. Does it help your relationships? history? No. Okay. Does it help in an argument? No. Yeah, exactly. It’s worthless. welding is a hard job.
Yeah, you can make good money if you’re good at it. So I guess I’m banking I’m hoping that I can find someone to take me under their wing maybe Teach me
dude, I’m telling you there’s gonna be so much trouble with skilled trade. Yeah, I’m like no one everyone’s like if my kids like my son nulty he went to Western for aviation for the first year and he’s like, yeah, this sucks like so he went to a one year college and got his certificate and now he’s working like he hated college. Yeah, so now he fixes airplanes.
Oh, yeah. We were looking at something like that but that is a good job to get into oh
they’re they’re struggling for people to and pilot so I’m Oh yeah, he’s going to he’s trying to trade with a one of his bosses. That’s a pilot for hours like I don’t know what they’re doing some sort of barter, but he’ll be it because flight time to expand. Yeah. But Um hmm. So So what did what did you What do you want him to do? And what do you that’s been
something that is honestly, the older he gets. And the more maturity I see in him. I had a dream, I guess, or maybe not even a dream, but I always had that thought that he’ll go to college just like I did. But the older he gets and the older I get, and the wiser we both get, I’m just thinking. I don’t know if that’s the right answer. More like going to a college for four years and getting into massive amounts of debt. I just don’t think it makes sense when there’s these high paying jobs that you can get into in the trades with a fraction of the cost. So Stefan, I’d be happy regardless, whatever you chose to do, I’ll be happy for you. But I think you’re on the right path with looking into the trades. So
what’s crazy now though, Meg and I were just talking about this earlier, you can go to McDonald’s to make $15 an hour. And there’s some there’s some jobs that you would go to school, go to college for, for four years, that you might make seven start at 17 an hour. Now, you’re going to excel more in your hourly in that in that four year degree job than McDonald’s. But still, it’s just like, That’s crazy. Why would I go to school for four years to make $2? More an hour starting? Like, I’m just gonna go do something with my hands? And if you like it, if you don’t want to sit at a desk all day? Yeah, to me, I couldn’t sit at a desk. I Oh,
yeah. And one thing you said that I was like, Oh, interesting, was army. You talk a whole lot about that. But I think I heard you mentioned a time or two. Yeah, that something’s maybe like
a lot. Like, I don’t know if it’s a last resort. But if I’m still like, really unsure, and like, all welding isn’t looking good and stuff like that, like I had, there’s a basketball coach, I went into the army. And he did it for a while. And he had he was like, doing really good in life. Yeah.
I mean, you essentially commit to four years. Yeah, we’re regardless of branch. So four years is like a drop in the bucket, and they’ll pay for college, or the trade school or whatever you want to go into. But if you hate getting up, I would not go into the military, because you’re going to be getting up incredibly early, really early. So. So this is kind of funny, too, because I, I would I don’t know if Avery would be able to answer this. What jobs has your dad have since moving to Michigan? Do you know do you do actually know what he does? I think
so. So well. Alright, so I know. So when we first got here. He was doing Blue Buffalo and Barnabas. Right? And then he switched to like, I think he’s like he switched to Nordic after that, right? Yep. And he did Nordic for a long time, because I would like, when I didn’t have school where I was acting up, I’d go there. He needed me to go there. And he he worked out for a long time. And then he didn’t like he was doing really good. And you just thought you wanted to change. And so he tried like, I’m pretty sure it’s three new places. And the first place was like was ADT or was it someone’s ADT? It was ADT which he was like selling like home security. And then the second place I don’t remember what the second place was there wasn’t there the place he is now is, I don’t know what he does right now.
Do you know where I work? Now? Oh, man.
Wow. See, kids don’t know that stuff. It’s
true. It’s still relatively new. It’s since March. So I don’t even
know what you do. I mean, you sell technology. That’s what I tell people like, I don’t know. Exactly. Sell
it people. Well, that sounds bad. But like, yes.
Well, you sell equipment and services to companies that are looking for security.
Yeah. And I sell the Stefan’s right, I don’t sell people. But we have a full fledged support desk that serves as a support desk for all of our different companies. Yeah. And
you sell that service? Yeah. Yeah. sounds terrible.
I know, right?
I’m a work with my hands guy. That’s like even taking this production company and blowing it up. Like, that means I’m glued to this chair, like eight hours a day, like I’m gonna have to find some because I love doing lawn care. I love being outside. Yeah, I love working by myself. Listen to my podcast, so it’ll be a big change for me.
You know, it’s interesting. Stefan didn’t mention any of my gig stuff.
Oh, yeah. Well, that’s because I went on a few like, I don’t know, they’re just flew past my head.
And that was a band.
Oh, no, we’re leaving that one. And you haven’t done that in a long time? Yeah, he’s does air he’s got this Airbnb gig, he left amazon flex, do you get an email every day for them to like, do you think you’re desperate to get people out there? Have you looked at the app? If they’re surging at all?
I’m not even like I have to resign up I think Oh, really? So long.
You get I think Amazon’s the only one that will kick you off after a year. Yeah,
I think it’s been a while maybe
you’ve done you’ve done swear it’s been
Yeah, you did stuff in the winter. I remember that.
Well, for whatever reason, I’m signed off the app and I’m trying to back on so I don’t know.
What is one thing that you and your parents disagree on in regards to like your phone usage or your video game usage or the friends you can hang out with or anything so
there’s probably like two and one of them is like, not I wouldn’t say my fault, but I like instigate it at will. So the first one is you To be my friends, because I used to hang out, they used to think that people that I hung out with were like, causing Yes, causing mischief. And then like the people, one of them went on like a trip with us. And they started liking more. And I proved that I can, like, handle myself around them. And so that was a while ago, and I said, Oh, we resolve that pretty much. And I hang out with a lot more people now. And the other is probably like, I’ll just play like devil’s advocate whenever, like politics come up, because I’ll just like because my mom is just like, she’s just one way is her way. And I’ll just see if, like, I just, I don’t know, I want to, like, see if I can change her perspective, even if you don’t believe in that perspective. Yeah. And I do it with my like, my friends that go to my school, too. I’ll take my mom’s viewpoint and then go against
basically a chameleon. It’s what he
said, You know, that’s funny. I do that with my wife Megan is she hates it, like she instead of her saying, like she’ll, she’ll be venting about something, right? instead of like being on her side. I always take the other side just But well, what if this person she’s like, Can you just take my side, GE always have to be like the devil’s advocate and be like, give another perspective. I’m just looking for support. So I have to work on that. So yeah, I can kind of agree. What about you?
I think he nailed it on the head. There was a pretty big disagreement on friends. And that’s tough. You can probably go back and even listen to other episodes Yeah, where it came up. But there was one friend in particular that for whatever reason, Andy and I just had the greatest view have had a weird vibe about him. But then we took him on vacation with us and
remember that I was like, you’re high like why would you do that? I told him I probably talked said that on the podcast, Jason
tried to convince us not to let him go. Because he’s like, why would you bring him of all people I
just look at it like when I go on vacation, I want to relax. I don’t want another level of trying to facilitate whatever this is. Yeah, but
this kid was like, super helpful, polite, engaging, and I’m just like, okay, so
you misjudged him?
I totally misjudged him and that was a good eye opener.
It’s hard as a parent with friends because you’re like you kind of know who they are but you know Avery has a friend that her mom is incredibly anti Vax and anti like oh almost conspiracy pretty much conspiracy theory for him but she really is a good friend and I’m like
yeah Oh, yeah.
So like I think it’s fine if as long as that friend doesn’t start bringing it up to her then we might have it or the mother. Oh right. Yeah, that would be weird.
Yeah, and then as far as the politics and other stuff I’ve been catching on Stefan I don’t think you really believe that way you’re just trying to pick a fight a little bit yeah Am I right?
Well it’s because like no I just mom I feel like her views a little bit tinted and I try I kind of like force a little bit too much to see if she can see the other side
well even though you may not even agree with the other side.
I would encourage you I think as as you’re growing up, you just kind of go where your parents go Yeah, just think for yourself. I know and I’ve changed a lot in 10 years I used to be pretty leaning to the right and now I’m probably middle to the left but I only lean to the right because I think that’s what I grew up with Yeah, yeah same with you probably
Yeah, you know the last 10 years I’ve definitely started thinking for myself in that regard Yeah, and that’s good
yeah Think for yourself don’t think what if you just because one side you know someone says you should think this way you’re like this is stupid I don’t want to do that so yeah, that’s what I would do. And then last one What is your favorite memory of each other Stefan
Oh, this would be nice to find and I correct Yeah, sorry.
It’s probably um, when we went on the trip with the bad influence friend I was so we went whitewater rafting and it’s not really like a memory with him but it’s just it makes you laugh every time I think of it and we’re going down we’re going down these like rapids right? Me and my friend get ahead of the group. We’re like what the guy and we’re waiting for the rest of them to come down this waterfall. And they all come by and we’re waiting for my dad and we just see him like calm down and you just go inside the sign it’s crazy and he goes down like the mini waterfall or whatever. And he comes up because he like went under the water a bit. And his helmet was like almost over his eyes. He looked like a watermelon and my friend he pointed and said watermelon I just started dying and like every time I just think back to it and I’ll just bring it up randomly when we’re playing Xbox.
So I not I didn’t know that like this is new for me.
I think the the amazing part of that story is the fact that I stayed in my boat
and did follow. Yeah, he’s like upside down just going crazy.
I went right through the center of that obstacle. So
was did a lot of people fall out. Yes, yeah. Oh yeah.
I lost myself. sandal I was going shoeless for I had crocs I lost on and I was just shoeless for half of it.
So we get back to the card. Stefan’s got one shoe.
Throw the other one away at this point. Yeah, so I’m sorry.
That was a good memory. I would say my favorite memory of the two of us is Stefan and I took a trip to Wisconsin two summers ago, just the two of us and went to the place where you go there. It was Door County, Wisconsin. So jumping off the cliff. And the craziest I won’t get into all the details. I talked about it on a previous so but long story short, I was going to try to kayak to where Stefan was and you know, watch him jump off the cliff and all this stuff. So I dropped him off at clip jumping, and then I went to the park to kayak. Didn’t realize that one of the boat launches was closed, so I had to haul my kayak about a mile and a half walking. Yeah, I can’t get there. The sand dune, you have to climb up a sand dune to get to the water. Finally get my kayak in the water and it’s choppy as hell and there’s no way my open kayak is gonna make it to where
to take out a bunch of
water. Yeah, I would sink. So I can see where Stefan is like, it’s just that way I could probably swim there. If it wasn’t so choppy. I had just walked this hallway with my kayak and I’m like, I’m gonna have to walk all the way back. So I did.
I thought he’d like died or something. It was like three hours and I’m like, there’s no stairs. I’m just like, I’m like, where are you? Where were you were Oh, no, he is not. I like I get up from cliff jumping. And I just see him like, walking towards me. And he’s just drenched and he had sand like on his body. He just worried even though he just got in the car and call that day. I think I watched you jump a couple more times. And we’re out of his
lips were blue because he’s in the water so much. That part of the trip. I think it’s one of my favorite memories, but just the rest of the trip to like just hanging out.
That’s a weird favorite memory. I’m
not gonna lie chillin in the hotel. You know, just hanging out doing father son stuff that weekend. That’s probably one of my favorite memories. But I’ll never forget the day that the failed kayaking trip. Oh
my god. So your goal was just like while he was doing it. He just wanted to spend a little time in the water. Yeah, okay.
I’d be in the water. He’d be jumping, huh? So I saw him, but I couldn’t like get to him because the water was too choppy. He’s
funny. I think I would have tried the kayak. I think I would I think I would have rolled the dice. If you’re if you could see him. I’m like, Okay, if it fills up, then I’m just gonna hop out and float down. And hold on to the kayak. And you know what I mean? Yeah, anyways, it was rough.
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So the next phase of this episode, this is going to be a surprise to Stefan, but I do have a couple of clips where I did talk about my son. We’re going to listen to them and get your input on them to find and see what you think about them. See if there’s uprising or whatever else. Which one are we playing first? 128
that does not help me. A Father’s Day or sex ed,
sex ed. Fun fact, sheltered Ben moment. During the scheduled sex ed at school, my parents had me removed from the classroom because they did not want Planned Parenthood and other liberal ideas to be communicated into my precious little head. So I was the only one in the classroom who my parents had opted out of the sex ed. And so instead I did a unit irony of ironies, I laugh, every time I say this because it’s so funny. I did a series on rocks.
I’m, I am flabbergasted how I
studied rocks while the rest of my class was learning
how to get the rocks off. Whoa.
Exactly. Oh my god. Just a little tidbit from my history of being sheltered.
I feel so sorry for you because you were the only kid So not only did you not get the education, you got labeled as the kid that I mean, has crazy religious pair. Come on Marian, Dan, what are we doing here? Like, I bet they reflect back on that and they probably think it was probably not but I mean, maybe not. Who knows? I mean, it’s there. Right? I you know, that’s
that I just can’t imagine doing that to Stefan this year. Like That was my freshman year. I was already new to the school. Right?
Because you went public in the high school, right? Yeah.
Yeah. Can you imagine if we kept you out of school? Yes.
Tell yourself and Stefan. Oh, you’ve already had it already. Never. tell you something. Can you believe that?
your freshman year? I don’t know what I’d probably move on. I mean,
it was so embarrassing freshman year. Yeah. And I was brand new into the public school because I had gone to the Christian school all up until then, so I was hard. If you
really listen to my my I was flabbergasted to that whole thing. I was just like, wow, that’s incredible. I mean, I understand like, yeah, if you’re not comfortable with it, but like you being the only one and then they made you study rocks, which is the stupidest thing again. That’s not okay. We’re gonna take sex out away from you. But you’re gonna study rocks, that’s really gonna help you in your, you know, your pursuits and your dreams.
Yeah, it was it was awful. So what would you have done?
I mean, you couldn’t do anything yet. You’re, you’re screwed. Like,
I’d probably like sit in the bathroom or like, get sick. I don’t know what I do. But I
mean, like, what would you say you would have to make some lie up to your friends? I would lie. I say. I would say like, I don’t know what I would say to my friends. Like, they already talked to me about it. Um, the teachers a crack dealer. I mean, I mean, I don’t know.
I tell him that. I couldn’t learn it because my teacher was my aunt.
Yeah, conflict of interest. That’s a good lie.
Nice. That’s
a really good lie. It’s
a good liar.
No, no, no. Don’t use that at all. And then the other one, you want to display it? Three minutes. I know it’s a little bit longer than credible. You just tell me when to pull it because I don’t know if I can listen to three minutes. I mean, that’s a long part of the show.
It’s okay. Well, you
lateral lateral.
I would say for me, a valley that I had in the last week. I thought I really thought Father’s Day was gonna be a valley. Like, I thought it was gonna be a low point and I was not super excited about Father’s Day. Welcome. Welcome to my club. Yeah, no kidding. Cuz yours was pretty low. Not y’all
not eating and not having a biological father and not having a legal father that’s not in my life. And not that I was pining for him. But right. I’m not trying to take over your thing. No, that’s fine. But I mean, I tried to just not even think about it. That was my goal. And clearly you were thoughtful and worried about the low point and why was that?
Um, I was anticipating just a rough day with my own family. miracle is off at kids across America camp in Branson, Missouri a long way from home. And Stefan is just been i don’t know i mentioned it on the show. It’s just been hard, hard to connect with him. But we rallied i guess i rallied and made it an okay day and just tried to have a good attitude. But I woke up and I guess I was expecting to have my son say Happy Father’s Day or something in the morning and he didn’t. So I’m like, did they forget today’s Father’s Day? Because miracles not here or what’s going on? I didn’t say much about it. didn’t say anything about it. And loaded up went to church got home. Well, no, actually, we were gonna go to roses after church, but we got there and there’s no parking and it’s like, line out the door busy. Yeah. So I was like, well, we’ll just go home. And they still not hearing anything from my son like, Hey, Hey, Dad, Happy Father’s Day. So I’m just feeling kinda like, what the hell this is just gonna be a stupid day. Let’s just go home and it’ll be whatever. So I was expecting it to be a valley. But we get home and I go in my, my pity corner in my office and just sit in my chair. In the dark, because that’s what I do.
Yeah, you are the dark setter. Yes. So I’m
just sitting in there playing on my phone. Next thing I know the door opens and I was expecting Andy But no, it was my son’s to fine. And he has a card in his hand and kingsize pack of receipts. And I’m just like, oh, man, he’s like, Happy Father’s Day dad. And he sits down on the office chair. And I opened the card. And he actually was very thoughtful in writing a message to me on the card. It was short, like it typically would be from a teenage boy, but it was impactful. And it was just a moment of, oh, he did remember. And oh, I do matter to him. Yeah. And it was just a really positive. Good moment.
Yeah, you needed the whole three minutes. Three minutes, you’re like, Oh, yeah, good, Lord.
So that was from this Father’s Day. I thought, I thought you forgot. I legit thought that. Because miracles gone at camp. And it’s just Indian stuff on and I and it’s church. I’m like, they totally have no idea. It’s Father’s Day.
So truthfully, did
you forget No, because I remember like, I was like a day or two before he like, talk to us, like, all I want for five days, go to church and have a good lunch. And so, like I was trying to have, like, get through the day and have like, a good time. And I was like, I woke up and I saw the car. And I’m just thinking, I’m like, I gotta write something. But I couldn’t think of what to write. And so we got back from church. And then I’m just like, you want to just write down whatever comes to mind? And so I did, and I had a candy already bought and I discount tea room and I gave it to you. Yeah, or the PT chair.
What do you feel about your dad that likes to sit in the dark? Does that to you?
I don’t know. Like, yes, whenever I walk upstairs, like late at night, you’ll be like in your office, like, in your chair, with your headphones on or in your bed. With the headphones on lights off. Like I don’t know how you do
well in the bed, I can see but sitting in a chair and just like looking forward. Like imagine me sitting in here in the dark. Do you want to turn off the lights off and turn the screen off and just be like, and not saying anything? Like, I get it? I get it. I think it’s just the way your brain kind of recovers? Yeah, so I’m not I’m not mocking him by you know, so not being critical. Those
are also the best moments to scarce the fun. Oh, yeah, he’ll come upstairs and not see me and I’ll be like, Sup? He’s like, well, what are you doing there?
I’d yell every
single time I have, like, I’ll have my air pods in. And like, I’ll be like blasting my music. And I’ll just walk up and like, I’ll look over and he’s just standing there and he won’t say anything and just look at me and not like shoe cream my hands up like I’m ready to like,
defend, you know, like, I’m
ready to fight him. Because I think there’s just some random dude in the house and like, say, like pat on my shoulder or something. Oh my gosh,
I’m living with an introvert.
Yeah, um, yeah, I liked I didn’t like listening to that. It’s funny how you want that acknowledgement. I have a weird thing around holidays and anything focus on me. I don’t want to hear anything. Like I don’t really care. So it’s weird. No, it’s not weird. What you’re doing is normal. Normal in quotes, but it’s abnormal. For me. I don’t like the fosse. I’m just like, oh, which is surprising for me because I am kind of bougie not not the as boozy as the level of the other thing, but that we talked about. Yes, yes. You were panek were you thought I was gonna say something that I had to edit? Yes. No, those are good. Those are good clips. I think it is it weird to you, Stefan that your dad talks about you?
Yeah, it doesn’t really hurt. Like sometimes I’ll walk in, like, I’ll get into my mom’s car. And she’s like, Alright, I’m gonna go to practice. And you’ll have like, the podcast plan. And my dad’s like, Stefan, and he’ll, like, turn it off. I’m like, Whoa, I want to listen to that. Spin that back. He’s like, No, honey, we’re just gonna go to practice. And then I’ll just be wondering,
you know, what’s really cool about podcasting is like, it’s almost like your own memoir. We’ve done it long enough. So like, eventually this will come to an end. I mean, I hate to say it, at some point, we’re just like, you know what, I think we’re, whatever. Who knows, maybe it won’t, I don’t know, probably will. But it’d be cool to be like, you know, when you have kids, or if you have kids or get older and like your dad passes away, let’s say or whatever, I know, this is more of a, like, you can kind of go back and be like, listen to like, how many parents or how many kids have hours and hours and hours of stories and stuff. And it’s pretty cool that if you think about it, it really is. But anyways, I was just thinking about that. So we have our own memoir. So we’re going to quick jump into a couple of faith and mental health things and kind of wrap it up. Let’s chat about what faith looks like in your family Stefan like where you don’t have to like personally Tell me where you are in faith. But how Do you feel like you guys practice faith? Is that something that you’re interested in? I know, late as of late, Ben has talked about a couple of things that maybe Vic’s not Excel then what’s the word Ben? just surprised you for some of the things.
Some of his comments after church.
Yeah, exactly. What do you feel? I don’t know. This seems weird question. How does your family practice faith? I don’t know. I To me, that’s a weird question. I don’t know why, like, I don’t want to ask him that because I think it’s a weird question.
What does faith look like in the Crocker family?
I don’t know. We all do it differently. Like we all obviously go to church, but my mom and my sister saying, and my dad just will read the Bible for a long time or go to his life groups. And me like, the way I practice face is like mostly like praying and like, like when I’m scrolling through my tic tock, I follow all these like religious people. And like, I’ll be on your for you page. If a video is getting a bunch of likes, and you follow them, it’ll pop up. And so I’ll just have those throughout the day. And I have my friends at me and like, videos that are like, religious and about and about the lore and stuff and
my Tick Tock religious stuff is usually some guy that’s a complete asshole. I’m not gonna lie. It’s not good faith stuff. Or someone being a hypocrite. Interesting. Yeah, your your your algorithm is wack. You said some stuff, too. I’m like, What are you watching on Tick Tock? Like, is it all Jesus stuff?
No, not at all. though.
I don’t get it a bunch. I’ll get it maybe like I’ll say like, one out of every maybe like, this is gonna seem like a lot, but maybe like, 200. It’s not
a lot because you get over 200 in like, 15 minutes. Yeah, I got the TIC Tock guy last night. I haven’t got him in a long time. And he was like, Hey, man, you need to take a break. I’m like, oh my lord. I’ve been like, half of it. I was half asleep. So count. But
yeah, Andy has been falling asleep with her hand on her phone
at times. How has she adjusted today’s is a bit it’s
gotten a lot better recently. It was a rough couple of weeks, though, until she got settled in third shift
is for the burger Rudel. So one of the things that your dad brought up recently, Stefan is like, you took your hat off during prayer. What? Where did you learn that? And do you actually look at it as a respect? Or is it just like, Oh, this is something you know, that I know that I’m supposed to do? So I’m just gonna do it.
I mean, I don’t know what it really means. But it’s just like I just, I’ve seen like, my grandparents do it. And like, I see people doing the respecting the flag. And it’s just, I think that it’s a way to show your respect, I guess.
Yeah, for sure. As as churches get more modern way, what is your thought about people wearing hats in church in general? Like, just like, I wear hats pretty much all the time. at work. Me too. Like, I rarely have a hat off, but I don’t wear one to church. But I know people that do. Yeah. What is your thought on that? Do you think it’s like disrespectful or it’s like, whatever. We’re here to worship God, Who the hell cares what we’re wearing?
Um, I haven’t really thought about that. But if I did think about it. I probably think that Jesus wouldn’t care about your Yeah, your apparel.
Exactly. He doesn’t care. I remember growing up, we had dress up. I’m like, this is like, I rarely like I wear like athletic pants and T shirts, or other than my work uniform. That’s pretty much what I wear in the summer. So it’s weird to put pants on. But I also have a little weirdness. Like I should do the old school because I have not worn a hat to church. Except if I was doing production back studio. Oh, saw me. I didn’t care. But it’s still weird for me to wear hat but I would take it off during prayer. Yeah, I just. But I mean, like, if you’re taking off during prayer, why would you take it off the whole time? Like we are in God’s house?
Aren’t you always in God’s house, though?
See, good point. Good point.
Nice. So one question I have to find, and I know it for a while was kind of a touchy subject. We switched churches about a year ago. How did you feel about that decision? back then? And how do you feel about it now?
Honestly, I liked it. Because at Berkeley, it’s like 30 minutes of singing
30 is not long.
Did they take like a three minute song and then it’s like eight minutes because they’re like,
they had all these riffs and like they they put two songs together. Yeah, I’m like,
like, these don’t even go together. And it’s some rap song. And then we’d have Kyle come up, he would like 5050 if he’s having a mic, then he’s gonna be loud. If he’s not having a mic. He’s gonna be loud. And he’s like, I love God. I love God at Berkeley. Yes, at Berkeley. And he’d go into three stories and he’s like, go knowing and being Jesus but worship and then come on and another 30 minutes to sing and so Mike
was the the Li Chi sorry, Kyle was the the lead master has told us the past year I thought it was the lead like worship leader. Oh
no, no.
So What kind of churches Berkeley it that’s actually in well that doesn’t help me I don’t know what Wesleyan is but it reminds me of like Assembly of God just like this random like
it was very like up to like I don’t know like up to an hour with us
it was kind of almost like it’s become huh
oh he’s worried about saying
okay I’ll just say it’s very much a hipster church hipster church okay and so worship in the manger yes rock band church so it’s very much an emotional experience and so they set that they dim the lights they
but they have a bunch of people that go like it’s a huge like it’s a big church a big church Oh, yeah. is they got a they’re very blurry. They’re expanding to like a whole new building. I’m pretty sure right? They’re building one or something. So
I don’t know. For the
for the dumb Can you explain what Westland means?
It’s almost a non issue because they’re more of a Community Church, like a Come as you are rock band type church. But Lastly, and I guess if you were to compare it to the Reformed Church, the reformed churches kind of have that belief of, you know, we’re good. Like we, we prayed the prayer of salvation, we’re good to go, we’re, we’re saved, whatever. And so it’s not like, they’re not super in your face, or it’s, it’s chill, whereas Wesleyan. And the core difference I would say is, when we look at faith as Wesley ins, we look at it as like an ongoing thing that you grow in and that you are actively pursuing, you know, making a difference in people’s lives. And I guess it’s a little bit more loud than a Reformed Church would be loud, and not in the sense of Music loud, but just loud in the fact of, we really are encouraged every week to live out our faith.
I mean, that sounds pretty sane. I mean, there’s something that we should all do. Yeah, they’re just more vocal about it.
They’re more vocal and like sermons, I would say, they’re more like practical like this is the stuff that as Christians you should do like today. We had a sermon on prayer. In a Reformed Church, I feel like the pastor would just give you five points this is what prayer is. you’d sing a song say a prayer and go on your way. Okay, but at our church this was kind of intense but the pastor was like all right, I picked four people I was one of them. If you need prayer of healing go see Ben if you need prayer of confession come see me if you have needs you want to pray about go see him if you want to say prayers of praise go over there. And so all of a sudden we’re not just sitting in our seats we’re actually praying and it was kind of intense it sounds like that’s what city life would do. Well that’s what that was at city life.
I thought you were talking about Wes you’re but the other one
well, they’re both Leslie in churches. Oh, they are Yeah. Which is why we felt comfortable switching okay city life I mean,
a live does that on occasion like during this not on a regular basis, but they’ll do be like, hey, let’s do some prayer for whatever but yeah, I can see that.
So I would say and we also do a prayer time every Sunday where the altars just open and so it’s a very active type of faith versus just sitting in your seat, you know,
alive did that for a while, but then they just stopped doing it. I don’t know if people weren’t taking advantage of it. But yeah, well, there’s your education on Westling church, right? Sounds like, I don’t know, I don’t mind rock band church. As long as it’s not too too crazy. I say my crazy rock band stuff for like, you know, when I’m by myself, right?
So are you comfortable at city life? Or how do you feel? Yeah,
what about the youth group thing like when we moved from our church to another one every state at the original church that we had gone for youth group?
I like I tried it for like a little bit, but there’s like it’s a small church until there’s like, two dudes that are on my age. And like only one shows up consistently at City Light. Yeah, and there’s like, five girls around. That’s the same
thing at a live they have really struggle with their youth program. What because we have like a ton of old people, or a ton of young people with babies. There’s not a lot of in between. Yeah. So although evergreens is falling up at churches falling apart, they just sent like this huge letter like they were going to ask the middle school leader if you’d be willing to take Middle School in high school, and then he turned in his resignation. So I mean, it’s that church is falling apart at the seams. So I don’t know what Avery is going to do for youth group this year. So while they’re gonna try to have some sort of youth group, but who knows.
Yeah, well, I’ll just wrap that faith portion up by just saying. I’m proud of you for sticking it out at a new church. Yes.
It’s tough for kids to do that.
So I can tell your attitude about it has shifted over the last year like I don’t think you were super enthused about it last year. However, I don’t think anybody was because we were sitting outside with masks on in the hot sun. That was rough
and outside with math. Yes. Well, that’s weird. It was I mean, you’re outside.
I know. I’m not gonna get into me We’re all socially distance and it was
wrong. Well, we all know masks are hot topic everywhere, including religion. And
oh, yeah, sure. So But no, I think I’ve seen I don’t know. Like I sometimes I look over at Stefan and I think he’s singing or at least he’s moving his lips. So I feel like he’s engaging and it’s just really cool to see. And then he gets in the car. Last week, he was like, I really felt God’s presence and he was like, Are you being serious? Or are you joking? But like, I think Stefan legit. That was a pretty legit thing. He weren’t just joking. Well, yeah,
me personally. Music really, I’m a big music guy. It really energizes me and like, not a lot of people have this. But when you have goosebumps for music, not everyone does that. And I don’t know what it is. There’s, there’s some scientific thing behind it. But man, I love music like that really is super impactful for me, especially church and outside of church, too. So mental health questions, boy. Go ahead, buddy. Yeah.
So in our family, we really put a emphasis on mental health. There was a point while I guess we’re still in that where each one of us had our own therapist, and we were going on a somewhat frequent basis. And obviously on threads that’s one of the main areas we talk about is healthy people go to therapy, because it helps you be a better person and it’s good to work stuff out. If there’s one person in our family who’s maybe not so enthused about mental health correct me if I’m wrong, Stefan, but I’d say that to you. Yeah. So what does mental health mean to you? I guess we’ll start there.
Um, I saw like, I think that it’s good that you’d like you can talk to somebody but like I’ve been doing it forever. Like I’ve talked about every square inch of my life probably six times in a row It was not very long life so yeah, and and i don’t know i just like I feel like when I was really young every time I’d like start acting up to like this is because your mental health or just because all your drama I’m like no I’m just being a dick and then like that like the dude that I’m talking talking to now like starts to realize that and so he just like he’s like do you want to talk about anything I’m like, life’s pretty good right now I’m like, like I’m calm and I can control everything like my emotions and stuff he’s like oh that’s great. And he’s like so what it seems like right now is that we don’t really have anything to talk about and so now we’re just Joe for the most part and yeah,
I can I can feel you I’m going through that now to when you don’t have anything to talk about it’s like you don’t even want to go even me as an adult I’m just like oh my gosh yeah therapy appointment. I ended up talking the whole time clearly I have some stuff but in that moment I’m thinking
Yeah,
yep. So I think that’s normal I think it is and I’m at a point two were similar to Stefan I’ve worked with the same guy for two years now and we’ve come to a point where even he was like you’ve been doing a lot of work outside of this room and so when you come in here you’re just catching me up with what’s happened he’s like I’m not really even part of the work right now. And I was like oh you’re right so
but why is it therapists want to boot Yeah, like it always like you’re getting my money like What do you care like if I want to come in here talk about the new season of Call of Duty for an hour on a paying you so shut up like no I mean they have morals that I get it but it is weird that therapists do that.
He’s calling it an interruption he’s like i think i think we’re ready for an interruption. And if if you need to come back you
can your therapist sounds way too heavy for me. He
is very heavy but I like him. Yeah, of
course you do. You like heavy stuff.
This is true.
I like layman terms.
Nice. And Stefan’s right he has been in therapy for off and on pretty much throughout his life and gotta give you props for it because I really,
you know, in defensive you to find if things are good, like why why make him go? Yeah, like just say, hey, if things start getting shitty again. Yeah, and you start getting out of line, you know what’s going to happen? And yeah, okay, like, I’m cool with that deal.
Yeah. And that’s what we’re doing right now.
Exactly. I mean, are you are you wise? Yeah. The reason why Stefan went back is he just had some rough edges that kept presenting themselves at home. I don’t need to get in details. No. But and I think you would even I admit that it was a rough point for everybody. It was
it was mainly fueled by COVID been in the same house for weeks on end. And yeah, it was, it was really bad like that. I hated that time.
I mean, think about being in a lot of it for me was like, and I love my family to death, but being around your family 24 hours a day like,
and when you’ve got big personalities like Stefan ndnd and miracle, like, somehow I’m in this mix of three people with very big personalities, bring
everyone off the edge, they clash
so hard. And so yeah, but Stefan did a lot of work. He went to therapy, he did his stuff, and now he’s good. So I think, you know, if we start seeing him slip, probably recommend going back. But
where do you find the balance of though? Like, is he slipping? Because he needs to talk to his therapist, or his he’s just growing in his adolescence and be like, Okay, this is just whatever.
Yeah, and that’s honestly a question that Andy and I are tossing around a lot. You know, he gets older, we’re gonna have to start trusting him more.
And I don’t think there’s a correct or wrong answer. I think going to therapy would help. But it also is like, does he really need that? Or miracle? Or any of us? Do we really even need this? Or are we just using this as a crutch like, right, we as parents can handle it. So you need to go talk to go talk to the professional? Yeah, I mean, that’s kind of crappy, too. You know what I mean, you got to be a parent at some point.
Exactly. So no, I think we found a good a good rhythm with that. So let’s define. Thanks for putting yourself out there. I know this probably awkward thing for a 15 year old to do,
but it wasn’t that bad. I thought I was gonna be a little bit worse.
I have a question. I want you to ask whatever you want to your dad. Like you have something you want to ask them. And I’m not going to force you to answer if you’re like, yeah, this is good. But I just hear it. Do you ever do you ever? Do you have something that you’ve thought about? It could be stupid, it could be just random stuff that you’re like, I just want to know.
Did you have to buy your first car? Oh, no. Whoo, boy,
man, but we as parents are trying to do things different as our parents did. Like I had to buy my first car. I’m making every pay half. Yeah, that’s basically all like you whatever car you want. You need to earn you know, if it’s a $2,000 car, you have to bring 1000 to the table. That’s a good question. You don’t have to buy your first car.
No, it was a ugly brown Chrysler, I
don’t care. Avery is probably gonna be ugly, too. So it was
my grandparents car and then they upgraded and got a different car. Right at the same time I was getting my license so so it went to my dad and he drove it for a little bit. And then he’s like, oh, Ben’s getting his license. We’ll give them grandma’s old car.
So they run for a long time.
The second night, I had it. I destroyed three mailboxes and I Sideswipe them like
how do you how do you destroy three backups were they all like together as a grouping of
them? It was Memorial Day weekend. I was the cool like I was feeling super cool because I got to drive my car after church to my friend’s house. Somebody needed me to move my car. So being the cool kid with a new license, I just got in with one foot out the door and one foot on the pedal. And instead of being a safe driver doing
what you learn in Driver’s Ed, yeah,
I was trying to show off. I put my foot on the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal and just pour out of the driveway was his parents house. Notice that my friends friends turned the wheel to try to correct myself, but it was too late. And as I turned the wheel, I sideswiped every one of those three mailboxes and just demolished all right side of my car still drive it. It’s just it was ugly. It’s how you drive
it like I did. Yeah, I mean, what are you gonna do? You got to remember when you’re a kid, that thing gets beat up. You’re like, whatever still runs right?
And then I did save up money for a new car after that.
My first car was a 1986 red escort. Nice. Oh, yeah. And then my next one was a another escort. One year newer one that was a stick shift. Oh, so that was fun. You remember all your cars. I struggle a little bit
Chrysler lebaron Oldsmobile can’t remember the model. It was a boat though. And then I had all boats. Plymouth acclaim it was purple nicknamed purple puke and then I had a Nissan Sentra that I drove out to Oregon.
Okay, well,
what about the white car? No one that was the Oldsmobile
or no Oh, no, that was the Volvo, Oregon
yet. I live in Oregon I drive a Volvo and then I’m gonna get a Subaru. Wow. Are you gonna share this with all your friends? Maybe y’all know oh man, the pressures on Oh right. I did talk to Avery about wanting to come on show. Originally, she thought she was going to come on with gold. I was like, No, no, this would be an individual thing. So I might just repurpose these questions. We’re tweaking them a little bit for sure. So anyways, guys, thanks so much for listening threads podcast. We really appreciate it and remember, keep the faith do your work and dare to be uncomfortable.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai