Transcription #138

Hi guys, welcome to threads podcast life unfilter thank you so much for joining us tonight. We appreciate each and every one of you where whenever you listen, in the day in the night, the overnights we really appreciate. Tonight, we’re gonna jump in right into our topic, which is mental health, practical tips. And Ben’s going to kind of introduce the direction that we’re going to go a little bit deeper than just be telling you what it is. I don’t think it’s threads 138 is it? I think it’s 139. I can’t track me This is Ben, we got so many episodes, we can’t keep track. But true. Alright, what are we doing tonight, Ben,

tonight, we are going to have a conversation about practical things that we can do for our mental health. Now the reason that I chose this topic is I’ve heard from a couple of listeners and also just some friends not necessarily connected to the show, one of the biggest hurdles to getting to seeking mental health therapy is the fact that maybe they don’t have health insurance, or they can’t afford the cost of going to see a therapist. Or perhaps that’s like too huge of a step to take in their mental health journey. So that just kind of got me thinking, Okay, so if not everybody can go see a therapist, like we can. What can they do? And what are some things that are helpful to our mental health? Other than just seeing a therapist? So that’s kind of the the rationale behind the conversation. excited to see where it goes.

Yeah, we Ben had a fire last night a guy’s fire. And we were talking about you. You brought up the insurance. Yeah, mental health and how my insurance doesn’t cover mine or my wife did previously, but for some weird reason. decided not to cover it. So like we’re paying out cash. And I’m only going once a month and mango and every other week. So it’s three $400 a month. And someone might say, oh, why don’t you just go to a new therapist. But I mean, these are like, long term therapists. So it’s so worth it to us to you know, fit it into our monthly budget to pay for that. But that could be a block for someone to actually get help. Yeah, exactly. I wish I mean, I know there’s free help. But I don’t know, I just there’s nothing against the free help. But I don’t know if how good it is. I mean, I shouldn’t be critical that they’re trying to do their thing. But yeah, I’m already where you’re coming from. I’m already being an A hole, like, three minutes in,

but nice. So last night, I just thought it was so incredible, that everybody was totally comfortable talking about their mental health journey. Yeah. Like I saw this therapist or, and several times people would say, well, unfiltered, and then they would say whatever they had. No, it’s just like, this is awesome.

Yeah, it was a really good time. Yeah. When I actually said, because I think I said the word therapists first. Yeah, I was actually a little nervous saying that. I mean, they’re all nice guys around the table. We had Joe Reed Joe Pella, riona son, Danny, as Nick Vcc, VC, then Mike vandrie. And then Chris bruinsma. And myself and Ben, and you and me, of course, but no, it was a good turnout. I really appreciate the opportunity to hang out. And it wasn’t incredibly hot. No, what was it? Was it the last fire we had? So it was so hot? It was with everybody, right? Yeah. I gotta say something. Why is it Yes. For coming to any of these things? Did you reach out to him for this one? My Dad, did you lie down like more than Facebook?

On telegram, too.

That’s a bummer. I think he would have enjoyed that time last night. So too. So

yeah, I know we’re getting off the rails. But no, no, that’s okay to admit that I have to acknowledge something. Okay. So somehow when I set up the event, I did not make the audience private to attendees only. So all of my Facebook friends could see my posts about that fire even though it was just for the guys. Oh friend who will remain nameless. Sam is like, why didn’t I get an invite? Like,

did she read the title? I don’t know. It says guys.

I know. So she was all bent out of shape because I didn’t invite her so sorry, Sam, if you’re listening, and then some random not random but one of my friends in Oregon who’s a gal likes the post about the camp is that

is that what triggered it? You’re like Wait, did I not make it? As soon

as she commented and my friend in Oregon liked it was like what’s going on? And apparently, the audience was set to my entire friends list, not just the ones that were in.

Good to know if I create an event to be more diligent. Yeah.

Yeah, so I will keep that in mind for future It was something

so before we kind of jump into these tips, I want to know how was your anxiety with all that? I know you I mean, you put out like quite the spread and I’m a lot of people didn’t touch that. And I don’t know if you’re bummed out about that.

No, because a lot of it was packaged so I can put it Yeah, usually it exactly, yeah. And the spread was more I had leftover money from my Uber adventure. So I was like, Yeah, no, I said BYOB. But I’ll have some stuff on hand. We have seven guys showing up. Yeah. And maybe two or three guys help themselves, but that’s okay. I wasn’t really bummed about that. I was more I kind of expected it.

Okay. But what about your anxiousness before that? Because I know that that can kind of get to you on that. I mean, I think that’s normal for a lot of people. If you’re having a get together. You want to be a good host. Yeah.

Honestly, I just kept myself busy all day, and I wasn’t as anxious about it. That’s good. Like I mowed the lawn. I went for a bike ride, I pulled weeds. And I had to ask myself house like, Am I pulling weeds? Because Jason’s coming? Or am I pulling weeds? Because I like how it looks when it’s weeded. And I decided, yeah, there’s a little bit of the Jason card but honestly, I just want these weeds out. So I’m going to

pull weeds. Yeah, nothing makes you do housework. Well, like you get in a house sitter. Yep. Like nothing makes you do housework. If you have people coming over I mean, seriously, other than like you You came over you walked in my house that looks like a bomb went off. I’m not cleaning up for you. But that’s to see our house last night when you went by didn’t I was pretty paused. I just made a beeline to the bathroom and tried to make sure I got it all on the toilet,

right? No, I was doing pretty well. And I also wonder if maybe just having dude’s over made it less anxiety cons,

probably because we know they don’t really care. Exactly. Like they got something to drink and they got something to eat if they need to in a place to pee. Honestly, I would have just peed in the yard. But I’m like, I don’t know there’s open fences through and like, with my backyard, I just open the deck or pee right in the grass. I don’t even care.

Awesome. Yeah. Well, as we get this conversation started about practical tips, just to touch base and icebreaker of sorts. Looking at the last month, when did we feel the best mentally and when did we feel the worst? I’ll go first and say that speaking of last night, man, it was just such a win for me. Like I was it. I felt great. I felt like you know, I am an introvert. So I wasn’t talking all the time. But just kind of sitting back and listening to all the conversation and it was usually just one conversation. A couple of times it was split by sides of the fight. Yeah,

there was a couple that I got out of all of them, right. Um, how it was you and bruinsma over there. And then it was Joe and the rest of them and I’m like, what’s going on? Let’s take a breather. I know I talk a lot. Yeah, not being able to talk.

And I you know, I told my son Hey, if you want to join us outside, you’re welcome to just putting it out there. Yeah, I thought he’s never gonna do that. He actually came out for a few minutes. Yeah,

towards the end. He got home from his movie. I yeah, it would have been fine to have him out. You know. And Joe son, Danny was there and he was hilarious. It kid cracks me up. I haven’t spent That’s the longest time I’ve spent with him. And I was just dying. He’s just a funny kid.

Yeah. So I would say that was probably when I was feeling the best mentally just hanging last month.

It’s hard to, it’s hard to think because you’ve probably had some great times that you don’t quite remember.

I mean, the others would be like having a good therapy session or going for a bike ride. And I would say hanging out with the friends is right up there with those two. Yeah,

it felt really good. You know, be COVID being low. I don’t want to say COVID gone because it’s not. But it’s we’re back to normal life as it is right now. Yes. And who knows how long it will be vaccinated, only vaccinated. And but ya know, as far as I go, I mean, it’s actually been like, maybe in the last week, I really ramped up my exercise, I should take a day off, but I’m going every day. That’s awesome. And they’re not all intense every day. But and then Megan and I had a therapy session together last week, and that was a little it was okay. We got some work to do. But um, it was good to finally sit down with her and my therapist at the same time and kind of worked through some things but I just feel like ever since Megan and I made that shift before that therapy session when we said hey, every Monday, we’re doing a check in. Yeah, I mean, we’ve done three weeks in a row now we’ve we have different ideas of what that checking should be and My therapist kind of got after me because I said, Well, I want a 15 minute check in. And she’s like, Can you really put timeframes on that stuff? And I said, No, but you are like me a type A personality, me knowing that it could go for an hour, an hour and a half, like, I don’t like that. And then Megan’s like, well, you don’t want to talk to your wife for an hour and a half. I’m like, No, I don’t want to talk because we will get in the weeds, of course. So like this. checkins about this. And all of a sudden, we’re into like, some other bull crap. And it’s not bullcrap. But it’s like, hey, hon, like, I was not prepared for these deep conversations. Like, I’m like, we just had dinner. How was your weekend? What can I do to help you this week? Those kind of things. So we got to work through the the verbiage and the logistics around the checkout. But ever since then, I’ve just felt in general better about things. So communication. Yeah, Megan hates that. She’s She’s, she’s dubbed that word, like, journey and pivot. For me. She’s like, I’m tired of hearing this communication. And but that’s what it boils down to. But I think we would use that buzzword all the time and then to communicate better, and we’re like, well, we’re not doing anything to do that. So stop saying communicate. So she would get fussy about that. So maybe that will wane if I’m doing or we’re doing the proper price. But But yeah, that’s where I’m at. I’m actually feeling pretty good going into this week. And yeah, had had Sally’s birthday party of the week. It was like a crazy post COVID weekend where it’s so much stuff. Yeah, it was just a ton going on and actually kind of felt good to be a little busy. Like, hey, we got to run here. We got to do this, and everyone can do things because things are opening up.

Yeah. Awesome. I would say for me, when did I feel the worst mentally? You know, it’s like, if I had a time it didn’t register as that. Yeah, I’m

trying to think back as we do check in. You know,

I feel like I’ve been pretty scatterbrained and we’ve all acknowledged that But yeah, I don’t know if that’s, I don’t I can’t think of a low point I can just think of I haven’t been collectively all they’re mentally somedays.

Yeah. And have you figured out why just the vacation stuff? Does that really weighing on you? Like for me? I’m not. It actually wanes, more. And Megan, when we’re doing vacations, I don’t know, maybe she takes care of a lot of it. But that doesn’t really bother me.

I think it’s more I have in my mind, all the things that I want slash need to get done before we go. And also, I have been just crushing it on the weekends with Uber. Yeah, making a ton of money, but I’m also staying up super late. So I think that probably plays into it. Like if I’m not getting enough sleep on a regular basis. I’m not thinking as clearly just kind of having mental fog.

Yeah, your recovery I think was from Friday night. It was a delayed I think, because your body was like holy crap, dude. Like he didn’t sleep on Friday. And I don’t know what sleep he got last night, but not Well, not quite enough. I mean, we went to bed, you know, after midnight. No church today.

Nope. I know. I sent Joe a text. I was like, I skipped. He’s like, Yeah, okay.

He’s your accountability partner, or just because he was at the fire last night just because

he was there and he went this morning. We taxed fairly regularly.

Okay, so back so you’re saying you don’t really know exactly when your worst one was? Because I don’t either.

Yeah, I think really the worst was just the mental fog that was kind of ongoing. Yeah. last couple of weeks.

Yeah. I don’t know what mine was other than I’m probably screwed up with Meghan. I mean, that’s typically or maybe one of you guys or whatever. But for the most part, it’s, it seems it’s I’ve been in a funk too, but not like huge issues. Yeah, I would say I would say what

the more acute stuff that comes up. You’re super quick to just pinch it. Not pinch it. What am I thinking of nip it in the bud? It’s nip in the bud. Something like that. I think it is I nip it in the bud. Yeah, everyone hates it in the butt. I don’t know.

It off your butt.

What is it a hemorrhoid? That’s

a different show. Oh, boy. Yeah, right.

But what I was saying I can see what you’re saying. Like, you may have had low points, but you don’t let them just linger and stay low points you deal with?

Yeah, I try to I try to try to nip it right away because it’s not good for anyone to carry it on. But that’s that’s kind of why I feel like I really need to work on my relationship with Megan and therapy instead of maybe myself right now.

It’s good. So we’ll see. Yeah, well, speaking of therapy, we mentioned in the beginning of the show that sometimes just going to see a therapist isn’t an option, but we want to make sure that we’re encouraging our listeners not to just do that one big thing of seeing a therapist. So I found an article with 31 tips to boost your mind. Until health, you can find the link in our show notes. And we’ll probably put it out on social media this week as well. Now we certainly don’t have time to cover 31 No, that’s Jason and I each took four that meant something to us. And for today’s episode, we’re just going to talk about them and what they mean to us and maybe even how they’ve helped us with our mental health.

Thank you all so much for listening to threads podcast real quick and we’ll get back to the show. If you’d like to support us in our endeavors in creating uncomfortable conversations authenticity and those things basically life when filter you can support us on buying me a coffee.com slash threads podcast buy me a coffee it’s like a Patreon if you ever heard that before. You can support the people that you really believe in in their passion projects and those kinds of things. Although with buying your coffee, you are able to buy one coffee, two coffees, five copies, a million copies that would be amazing. And it’s just a one time thing right just to help the creator help threads and those kinds of things or you can sign up for a membership which gets you you know, monthly perks in a private Facebook group they can chat with us and bounce things off with us not that we’re professionals but you know, we would love to help anyone out there that’s listening to our show. So buy me a coffee calm slash threads podcast if you’d like to support us also, newsletter I was supposed to put it out Ben put it together. I just realized that as I’m recording this intro, or this ad spot that I have not done it yet. Dammit, Ben, you should have done it before you went. I blame him But anyways, it is going to go out probably this weekend. And there you can get all the comings and goings pictures fun things things you might not hear on the podcast, those kinds of things. And it helps us grow our show just by signing up for the newsletter Of course. If you could do that, that would be great. Just go to threads podcast comm slash newsletters or you can find it at threads podcast calm. Okay, back to the show.

First one, experiment with a new recipe, write a poem, paint or try a Pinterest project. creative expression and overall well being are linked. This one really hit home for me because this is something that I’ve been doing. I never was super interested in recipes or cooking or anything me either. But we’ve talked about that. Yeah, for whatever reason, I just felt compelled to make some meals that I could take to work and that the kids could take for lunch so that we’re not eating out so often. And so I started doing that and I love it. Like it’s a pain and I’m still learning things like you don’t melt chocolate in a skillet. You use a saucepan.

Yes, not a skillet. I used to skillet, How bad was the cleanup?

It burned the chocolate. So I had to try to rehab it with coconut milk and like butter. Just trying to get this chocolate to be smooth again. It was an abysmal failure, but learned the hard way. Right? So excellent. But yeah, just being in the kitchen is so life giving in a really weird way that I kind of didn’t see coming. You know, it’s

not super weird because Megan really loves that kind of stuff too. Especially the prepping for the week like she it does not bother her to do all that it is some some soul thing for her. She’s just like, and maybe it’s like, you know, you know what’s going on for the rest of the week. So it comes here. Yeah, but I can see that definitely. For me, none of that applies. But for me. One of the big things is I do love coffee. And one of the tests was start your day with a cup of coffee done do it every day. coffee consumption is linked to lower rates of depression. If you can’t drink coffee because of the caffeine trial. They’re good for you drink like green tea. I don’t do the green tea. But I tell you what, that cup of coffee in the morning with no one around. It’s not just the coffee. That does it but it’s just that that time or no one else’s. I mean,

I was thinking about that earlier today. Just this thought process of every waking moment of my day lately. I’m with people yeah, it was like I really need to start getting up earlier so I can just have time to myself

even when I would go to the gym at six I would get up at 430 and my wife’s like you’re nuts. I’m like I need my coffee time I drink my coffee till five 510 and then get ready and head out the door but yeah, it’s it’s super important for me. And there was a time I don’t remember we I’m sure we talked about the show. I wasn’t. I was getting up to do Uber or something. But I wasn’t doing that I was just getting up, throw my clothes out. Turn the app on it like five. Yeah, and I was like, I gotta stop. I gotta stop doing that. So

Yeah, it’s such a good one. And another thing I realized too is every minute of the day somebody is expecting something out of me yeah and whether it’s work or my kids or taking care of stuff at home or podcast stuff or anything else it’s like there’s always something demanding my time so I would just love to have that buffer where I can just sit with a cup of coffee on the patio before the day gets going and nobody has my time except me

exactly because usually in the morning there’s nothing do at that moment like at night you could miss something during the day and so you have to get it done at night but usually that morning or that time there’s no one waiting for you No one’s up Nothing’s going on that’s the time to do it because once ever gets up Oh, I gotta get solid breakfast I gotta get him on the bus like so yeah, I would encourage you if you don’t drink coffee I mean drink a glass of water and just sit there I mean if you don’t drink coffee I don’t know how we can be friends but just kidding but yeah, I think that time and that coffee is probably my number one mental health tip overall out of all these Yeah, moving forward so

awesome. Another one for me is write it out. Has something been bothering you let it all out on paper writing about upsetting experiences can reduce symptoms of depression. I have this planner that I’ve talked about on several episodes before and while I don’t use it for like the daily weekly scheduling, I do all of that on my Outlook calendar. But for just for the check ins like there’s these amazing prompts just questions about what were some successes from the past week how did you grow in these areas? Like it’s so awesome to sit down and write it out? And if there’s things that were obstacles put them on paper and it’s just so freeing to to write it down?

Why is this so weird to me though I know it works because like they even say when you’re studying for like a class writing the notes out like not just listening to him or like spelling when you were a kid as you write them out like it’s it’s more impactful to your brain if you actually write it out I don’t know I’m sure there’s science behind it but I think it’s

because you’re slowing your brain down and forcing it to focus on the words you’re putting all

that through there’s really not a lot else going on because you have to your brain has to figure out the letters and stuff like that Yeah,

and as you write you’re like processing everything

yeah, I just it’s why it’s so incredibly weird to me to write in a journal like I don’t think you’re a weirdo for doing it anyone I don’t I mean whatever works gets you through like amen but just for me to sit down in a book and write it out I just it just feels uncomfortable. Oh for sure. To me which is so dumb I don’t know what the block is there.

I was going through some stuff in our storage room this is something for another podcast what I was looking for but I was essentially looking for documents relating to my son’s adoption just so I can be able to tell him his story and put it all down on paper for him but as I was looking for those things I came across a box with notebooks I mean from gosh 20 years ago journals that I’ve written in over the last 20 years I didn’t stop and thumb through them but I plan to oh yeah Haitian like how have I grown since then? So that’s another thing oh I even have a journal from sixth grade

that see that would be cool yeah to read it or maybe not maybe read it and it was a dark time that’s

what’s really cool is the the person who really got me into journaling was my sixth grade Bible teacher. She had us she gave us journal time essentially once a week where that was Bible class for that day was we would just sit with our journals listen to music and write and that has become like this life giving habit that I’ve continued even to this day

so question Is she still alive? Yeah, she is are you Facebook friends with I am oh we should send her this segment.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah

the new listener

Jackie sites ma it is stuck so thank you for your impact. That’s

it’s amazing when you can remember I don’t remember barely any my teachers names. Yeah, but I don’t remember shit anyway. So I remember her

just because she was so intentional. Yeah, and did things out of the box and took the time to really get to know her students. And all these years later, we are Facebook friends,

which is which is oddly strange. Yeah, I don’t know. I should look up my teachers. That’s so funny. Well, I’m glad you as impactful for you, I’m glad the the writing thing is if anyone knows why I have a block with that, email me or send me a message like I don’t know why it’s so weird to me.

Is there? Did your mom ever encourage you to write things? Okay, here

we go. You’re going to the mom card. No, No, she didn’t.

I thought I could go to for two. Yeah,

don’t don’t try to find those that was like, that was like an epiphany in the moment.

Come on. Now I’m trying to make another one.

Another thing that really helps me is one of the tips is spend time with a furry friend time with animals lowers the stress hormone cortisol and boost oxy tosun, which stimulates feelings of happiness. If you don’t have a pet hang out with a friend who does or volunteer at a shelter. I have two dogs. And while they’re very punchable, which I would never do that to Betty weren’t drinking there. And I want to pump them because they’re assholes. Sometimes. I love them. So much like I have a tattoo of one of my older dogs on me. That was just really I was really close with and, and so we have a morkie and a mutt, by the way, complete digression. We’re thinking about getting a DNA for Winston to find out what breed he actually is. It’s about 150 bucks. I mean, it’s not a horrible I mean, my personal one was 100. Okay, more than a human it is a little more but it tells you exactly what breed it is. But so he’s kind of a mutt, Chihuahuas something, but that dude and I are like, brothers, like we sleep next to each other. If I go lay down in the bed, it doesn’t matter during the day he runs in and jumps down and lays down and it is the best just to pet him. If you just pet your dog for like, two minutes and just a pat, you will feel the stress melt away. Yeah,

it’s that the fancy words they said the cortisol and oxytocin? Yeah, it’s it’s, it’s been proven like tests have shown that as you pet an animal that just happens,

and I’m throwing it out there. If anyone wants to pet my dogs, they’re kind of jerks sometimes. And they really, they love Ben. Yes, they absolutely love Ben could walk in the house at three in the morning. And they’d be like, hey, Ben, thanks here, right? For what not for whatever reason, but there are some people that come in and one or the two dogs are just like, I don’t think so. But anyways, that being said, you’re welcome to come over to pet my dogs if you don’t have a pet to pet or whatever. But I just love it even in my route. Like there’s dogs on my route. I know. And I see them on the board. And instantly, my day is better. Oh yeah. Even though I have some shitty app or shitty lawns when you know, sorry, there’s some properties I don’t want to do. They’re hard doing. No, yours is easy peasy. They’re hard to do. They’re just whatever. But when I can think of one, I can’t remember what street they’re on. I think 76 but I remember that dog. And when I see that, I’m like, I’m gonna have a good day. I get to see I don’t even know the dog’s name. It’s old as hell. It’s a golden retriever. Awesome. But yeah, I What about you? I mean, you got Ali.

Ali. And we also have a cat. Yeah, I feel the same about Ali. Now, you’ve probably heard us talk about the whoop app that we use.

sponsor, right. No kidding. Shoot, my phone’s off. I should have throw up my mic said we should alternate our our whoop code. Yeah, we can get a free month, right?

So one of the things that whoop offers is a journal. Now it’s not like free form, you basically just answer questions that yes, or knows. Yeah, yes or no. And one of them is did you have an animal sleep with you in the rehab? And I’ve been tracking that and it’s the craziest thing. I sleep better. When Ali’s in the room with us Really? And I get more restorative sleep. And my recovery goes up when I have a dog in the room. I don’t know why

usually you would think it’d be the opposite because the dog might be restless or whatever. No, he usually just snuggles right in Well, not your dog but some dogs Yeah. And honestly, I started doing that one in the journal but I’m like they sleep in here every night. I’m gonna stop tracking it’s gonna be and with the whoop, you have to have at least five nose or five yeses and vice versa to get what it’s what it’s doing. But

yeah, so love having animals. I think it is very good for my mental health. Sometimes the cats are obnoxious, but I was not. I was not grieved when one of our cats was hit.

wife’s gonna kick your ass. Oh. Well, she knows. Yeah, you probably had the conversation.

Oh, yeah, I was almost relieved because that cat was so bad, so obnoxious. So dogs definitely have a positive impact on my mental health and cats. If they’re the I mean, you can write

it got to be a cat person. No, you know what I mean? And they they kind of have their own. They’re just, they’re more like wild than dogs are some of these things. I will I will eat you if you die in the house like they’re gonna eat you. You know what I mean? So sleep when I open No kidding.

So but Yeah, I agree. Spending time with animals pets is just awesome. And I love the idea of volunteering at a shelter. Like that’s so, so needed.

I so could see like when I retire. I mean, me doing volunteer work like yeah, I would love to do that. Yeah, I mean, you get to see dogs every day and some of them are awesome. And then all of a sudden I get once a week I’m bringing one home and now I’m that crazy dog guy and my wife’s like, filed for divorce because I keep bringing doggy divorce dog.

Wow. Also, there’s a place where you can it’s called like a cat cafe. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, go pet him. You can go in and there’s cats and you can drink your coffee and pet cats.

See? I would do that because I love I’d like to pet cats. But I’m like, I don’t want to I don’t want them in my house. Yeah, but I would definitely do they need that with dogs. Yeah. And then like, Hello, they’re up for adoption. Yeah, because I’m sure every cat in there is adoption. They are Yeah, what a good business. I mean, I mean sure they’re not profit but yeah, well, they’re probably make profit with the coffee. I don’t know. Maybe that maybe the profit. Anyways,

no idea. Another one that I find helpful. I don’t do this nearly as often as I

should. There’s no way you do this.

I have on occasion. It’s go off the grid. And Jason’s laughing at me because this is probably the last thing I would ever do. But it says leave your smartphone at home for a day and disconnect from constant emails, alerts and other interruptions. We should try that. I’m going to go on vacation. Well,

that doesn’t count. It counts. No, because you’re on vacation. Like you should do it on. You can’t do it during the week. You work. You got to have your devices. But on a weekend Yeah. Could you go a whole Saturday with no phone? No, whoop.

No the whoop wearing it. But not checking.

Not checking it. Yeah, no telegram no music, none of that for a whole day. 24 I mean, we could all do it.

I think I could. Hmm, we should we should I think it would be beneficial for me honestly.

We should all do it like me, you and Mike but then who’s gonna check up on us if they like? You have to like friend Megan. And she can look at telegram and see if you’re on there because it tells you when you were on their last Yep.

She can be our our accountability person. Exactly. Yeah, I think it’s a great idea. So in college, there was a day that I left my flip phone at my dorm. And it was a Sunday and I was supposed to pick up Andy and call her when I was on my way to get her for church. I didn’t have my phone so I couldn’t do that. So that day I just dubbed it as cell phone free Sunday and I said I’m just gonna go without my phone every Sunday. And he looks at me She’s like, babe, you’re just saying that because you forgot it today? Yeah. Yeah.

But sometimes ideas happen by accident or happenstance like hey this you know what? This was cool let’s do this.

I think I did it for maybe two or three weeks after that that’s pretty good. Just on Sunday, just put the phone away Don’t eat it.

Yeah it’s just so addicting it is even with my daughter I today she I mean I know she was at camp for a week but I’m just like every put your phone down like every time I see you your faces in it.

Yeah. And I think that is um, we were talking about oxytocin and things like that. But constantly having that stimulation Noreen comes to depend on it. Well, she

even said that at Camp she was standing in line a couple of times and she reached for her back pocket and the phone wasn’t there Yeah. Oh sweet Jesus, like make sure we curb I mean, how do you curb I mean, we have limits on a lot of stuff. But she’s just texting her friend, right? Like she usually uses all our internet time from the first two hours of the day. And then she’s just texting her friend So yeah, I don’t know. But as far as the grid thing Yeah, I think we should do an experiment for Shai. It actually causes me anxiety to not have it so I don’t know if that would be a mental health tip for me. Yeah, but I would be willing to experiment with having a day of not using it Yeah, so we’ll see. Stay tuned for that. Okay. Somebody needs to be our accountability and say Hey, did you try that yet?

Right.

My next one is practice forgiveness. One of the things that I’ve let let me read it even it’s just forgiving that person who cut you off during your commute. People who forgive you have better mental health and report being more satisfied with their lives are you laughing because I that story last night What I was

just you driving and getting so angry, I

know I ever Yeah, when I leave messages, I leave messages with these guys. And I’ll just be like in a complete conversation. Like you bump up, up, up, up, up. So anyways, like, you know, cuz I drive all the time, the amount of I mean you do you drive all the time not as much as you used to for norda. Yeah. You see the stupidity. Oh, yeah. And it’s every day. I mean, my wife will say, do you? Do you do that when you’re by yourself? I’m like, Oh, yeah, it’s full on mouth, like screaming like, not like in Super anger. I’m like, okay, bro, like, okay, arms up, you know. But, um, what I have. What I do with that, though, is if I do have a clarifying moment in the traffic, I say, You know what? that dude’s probably having a bad day. You know what I mean? Like, maybe he’s having a bad day. And in my life in general, one thing I’ve learned because I screw up a lot. And, and I’ve learned to say, I’m sorry. You know, I’m always the first to comment, say, I’m sorry. And I’m not saying the other person has to accept that. I’m not saying it’s always the right thing to do, because maybe it’s a little self serving, because then I can I can wipe my hands of it. I mean, I think I can, but if the other person is not ready to accept me, I really can’t wait my hand. Right. So it is a little self serving. But I mean, I think I think if anything, people struggle at forgiveness or saying you’re sorry, those just those kind of things. I know they’re kind of kind of different. But I guess yeah, I kind of screwed that up a little bit. I apologize. I was more looking at the saying I’m sorry. But I do I do practice that, like if someone did come to me or you when you say, I’m sorry, which you struggle with, I will say at times, which it’s okay, that’s that’s normal. Actually, I’d say it’s cool. You know what I mean? So, do you disagree with that a little bit? Um, it’s hard for you to like, ask x is not to be 100% your fault, like, Oh, yeah. 100? Yeah. If it’s like 99, it might not be come in.

Or if it does come it’s an I’m sorry, if I or I’m sorry, if you think I it’s never I’m sorry that I Well,

the last little spat we got into you did apologize, because you kind of stuck your foot in it. But yeah, it’s okay.

The thing with apologizing for me. I think maybe it’s hard for me to apologize, because I was never really properly apologize to you by people who really should apologize in my life. And so it’s like, I’m harboring this resentment to them. And I’m taking it out on everybody else that I should

yet say, Sorry, this is where your mental health is just like, in general, you’re like, this is a complete brain block. Like, why am I doing this? And that that very well may be the was the reason you are I don’t know if it is or not, but this is why just going on, like, raise your kids Well, you don’t need help, like, ask if you need help. Now. I’m not gonna help you raise your kids because I help. I got enough on my plate. But I’m saying like, if you think that you’re not fitting the bill, footing the bill, for raising your kids properly, get some help, please, please. Because you’re creating, even if it’s minor, I mean, my kids are gonna have therapy for me, I guarantee it. Like, I know, that sucks about me. I mean, it’s gonna be way better than me, or what I had to deal with, right? But just take a B and say, I need to figure this out. Because look at this stuff that you’re dealing with, and has kind of just kind of opened up when you started going to therapy. You know, the stuff I’ve had to deal with, like, I’m 45 and I’m still dealing with this stuff. Yep. So anyways, has nothing to do with practicing forgiveness. But that was just my rant of if you feel like, I mean, we all feel like we’re shitty parents. I mean, do you? I hate hates when I say that. Like, yeah, we’re shitty. Sometimes she’s like, don’t say I’m like, but we are. Yeah. But I feel like in general, you know, deep down if you like, hey, I need to get my mental health in order. So my kids can see that I’m being better. Yeah, I know. That was a complete digression. Any feedback on that?

I would say, just to go on your train of thought with kids. My mantra lately is do different, like different. do different be different? like yeah, how you were raised? Yeah, like, yeah, I had it rough as a kid. But that doesn’t mean that I have to continue that cycle, like, I’m going to do different, I’m going to be different. And we’re going to make it through this. And I’m going to do do the opposite of what I was given.

I think in general, I mean, I’m not around when you parent your kids, but it does feel like you’re doing those right things. Yeah, I mean,

you know, there was a time where I said to my wife, and I’m sure Stefan will eventually listen to this and Hear it but in not too far distant past I told the indie. I’m just not a big fan of Stefan right. Yeah, we talked to a couple episodes. Yeah. Yeah. And she was like, Megan, when you said I think we’re shitty payer funded. They’re like, wait, why? And she’s like, he’s like we you don’t have the option you have to be his biggest fan. And so I was trying to work on that, and I brought it up in my therapy session. And my therapist was like, you know, Ben, I don’t think Andy’s wrong. But I do think you need to sit with that statement for a little bit longer, right? And feel it out. Why are you feeling like that? And that was a good kind of wake up call. And since then, like, my relationship with stuff on it’s just, I mean, it’s not like perfect, but we’ve cleared a lot of big hurdles that were standing in our way.

Yeah. Yeah. Those those that relationship with those kids ebb and flow. You know, Avery today, she was just bitching about everything. And apparently, I think I complain a lot too, which is probably true. He’s like, it’s so hot.

I’m tired. You’re raising some Fuji kid.

I know. And I’m just like, Can we I’ve in the last two days, I said to both my kids, I’m like, Can we have an attitude of gratitude? Can we flip the script here and say, Hey, yes, it’s hot. But I’m at a beach. I just had a birthday party. I got presents. I got cake. By the way. My wife made the best cake she’s ever made in my life. Wow. Like she It was a Mario cake for Sally. And it was a brownie in between it. And then she made her own buttercream frosting gwot and the saddest part, I longingly looked at the cake when I put it in the trash because it was so hot. It just the rest of it just started melting and there was no way I was gonna save it. And I like picked it up slowly. And like I couldn’t eat anymore. Like I already over it. And I put it in the trash. I just looked at it for a minute. I’m like, that’s the saddest thing. It’s so sad. But I totally forgot we were talking about boozy kids. Yeah, just boozy kids in general, like having an attitude of gratitude. But But yeah, so what we got a couple more and then we’ll kind of wrap up the show. Yeah.

So the next one that I picked was take time to laugh. Hang out with a funny friend, watch a comedy or check out cute videos online. Cute, aka Tick Tock Tock. Laughter helps reduce anxiety. This one kind of stood out to me for a little bit different reason. I’ve always loved improv comedy. Like I was on an improv troupe in college. We went around to different school, not schools, churches, to different youth groups and put on performances.

Which is hilarious to me. I can’t see you doing improv. I love it. Well, I know you think good on your feet though. Yeah, because like every time we do this show, a lot of times Ben’s just like he doesn’t. I’m not saying you don’t prep but like he doesn’t have any anxiety like going into like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, yeah, where I do so I it makes sense that you’re good at improv.

Yeah. And so and then as an adult, I think probably three, maybe four years ago, it was both it was before threads.

Well, we knew each other Yeah, cuz I know. You Yeah, hell no.

And you know, you didn’t come and come to my performance.

invite me to the prepared

you we were to knew that we were we really were

I mean, I hated going to the beach today. So like, let’s let’s both baby step does,

right. But, but I did that class. And I did it because I read an article or heard on a podcast that doing improv comedy helps salespeople. So I was like, sweet, let’s do it. But now that I look back on it, and I look at the relation between improv and anxiety. It’s like, as silly as it is, doing improv comedy gave me a space to work out that anxiety. Oh, because I had to think on my feet. I had to sing joke, whatever we were doing. I mean, this class really got me far outside of my comfort zone. One of the games we played was a song game where you had to come up with lyrics on the spot and sing them to this tune. And I won like I was the last one standing. That’s amazing. And I’m a terrible singer. Well, it

was all about you creativity. Yeah. lyrics. Yeah,

it was like and I do Ron, Ron, Ron and Ron, you’ve probably seen it on like one of the sketch comedy show. Yeah, okay. But yeah, it was like such an awesome experience. Yeah,

the the the naming or making up lyrics is mechanized favorite game if we hear something or a jingle gets in, we’ll try to do it and we usually can go like three ways, three times and then we lose it but that’s so fun to do, and it’s usually sporadic we do it’s not like we sit down for a half hour and like let’s do it. It happens to pop in our heads.

laughter is so Good for anxiety like I’ve I’m looking back now and thinking of when do I pull out Tick Tock obviously on the toilet Of course where else would you but I have also found myself in stressful moments like I need a minute so what do I do take out Tick Tock and watch and laugh it really does help reduce anxiety to laugh

it’s totally funny you bring that up because when I was doing gig work had a lot of drive throughs and I would get anxious because I needed to hurry order I would put Tick Tock and it would go so much faster. Yeah, the problem with Tic Tac The only problem is is there I have a mixture of people that my algorithm picks up like all these funny ones and then some Karen and so that kind of brings down the laughter and then maybe I should just swipe past those but I’m always curious on those people act so yeah, be careful with the ticky tack I mean, even though you don’t follow anybody the algorithm picks out what you’re spending the most time on which is incredibly creepy. Yeah, by the way,

I love it because it’s a custom channel way behind is

like everyone gets freaked out about Google too. And like the ads I’m like, Yeah, they’re giving me ads. I want stuff I want to buy it. I don’t see tampon ads. You know what I mean? I don’t I mean now that I brought it up I probably will right but i mean it’s it’s it’s curating things I want to buy so it’s it is a little creepy, but I mean, that’s the price you pay. y’all get off the grid if you don’t like it.

Yeah. So when I worked at att I would Google Search businesses constantly. Oh, no. So I would look up nail salons because they need security systems. And next thing I know I’m getting all these girly ads on Google

like you shouldn’t you should incognito. That Yeah, at least it wouldn’t give you those ads. Oh my gosh, that’s

something so that is my last one is take time to laugh. There’s an old saying laughter is like medicine for the soul. It really is. I think even the Bible talks about laughters being soothing or healing. Like in Proverbs.

Well, I think there wasn’t one in this 31 or two lists that said smiling. Yeah, is is helpful. And when you’re laughing you’re smiling. Exactly. I actually like to make people laugh like I like earlier I made Ben crack up really I like that actually made me feel good. Like if I can make Meghan crack up or any button that helps my overall mental health to Sir Sure. My I do try to make people crack up. So you’re pretty good at it. Yeah, that’s where I’m good. That’s what I’m good with the the riffing into that. But yeah, that’s good. Donna’s feet. Last one. And we’ve talked about this a lot. And this, this really stood out to me, for what Megan and I are doing right now. But the this is Martin Luther King Jr. You don’t have to see the whole staircase Chase, just take the first step. Think of something in your life you want to improve and figure out and what you can do to take a step in the right direction. And our last show, Ben had a life hacker article and I kind of teased the article, not Ben, but it’s just like, just do this and you’re like this and just like it was some big stuff. And I’m like, just find a new job. Yeah, just to find a new job. Just hang out with some funny people. I’m like, Well, what am is anyways, so I get what they’re doing. I understand the article, it served a purpose in this one does too. But all that stuff helps with baby steps. And I really realized like what Megan and I like, we have this communication issue. Let’s babies I literally said that. I’m like, well, the elephant saying like you which again, how do you eat an elephant? Yeah, one one bite at a time. And like, who eats an elephant? Whatever. But I mean, that’s so true. And because if you try to take on too much, you’re gonna get overwhelmed, quit. You know what I mean? To me. That’s me personally. So I think this is a great mental health tip. You know, if if getting up in the morning, like you talked about and drinking a cup of coffee? Three days a week? Yeah. If that’s what it is, then that’s what you do. Okay, maybe I’ll do it five days a week or every week or, and don’t be discouraged if you falter. But I think those little steps instead of saying, I’m going to get up in the morning, I’m going to run a mile. I’m going to schedule a therapy appointment, like all that stuff. And all of a sudden, you’re like, yeah, this is not helping my mental health. This is making me or more. So feedback on that.

Yeah, I like it. I think I agree. Um, I’ve been just reflecting on how we peer pressure people into therapy, and just those conversations that I’ve been having, and, you know, talking with people who, maybe it’s not an option, like, we’ve just come through this shitty time as a world. Yeah, pandemic. Things have been shaken up. Some people might have lost their health insurance. So doing the things like you’re talking about just taking those three days, just do something different. Take a baby step. I think I want to encourage people, yes, do find a therapist because it’s amazing and you’ll Your life will be significantly impacted for the public. But if that’s not possible, don’t don’t get discouraged. Yeah, don’t just give up. Yeah, like, try some of these things, go through the list of 31 things and find one that that works for you. Of course, we still want everybody to see a therapist, but maybe you just need to take some baby steps to get there. And

truth be told, and Ben will will attest to this. It was hard for Ben like it was a lot of pressuring for me and his wife and and it’s hard to go to therapy. It’s hard to tell people your shit, yeah, yeah, if they’re a stranger,

and then it’s hard to find out that the guy you’re seeing is not a good fit. Yeah. And then he had to go start fresh with somebody new,

hence, who I am now want to leave Heather, because I’m going to be I mean, I could find somebody else. And if she moves on, then that’s, you know, I didn’t choose that. And I don’t think it’s happening. But yeah, I get it. It’s tough. And honestly, as much as I hate the telehealth, I love I’ve switched on that at that I hate it. There’s like helplines out there that you can like text. Yeah, like it’s for free. Even if you just just do that, I mean, message us, I don’t care. If we can be helpful, we’ll point you in the right direction. But, and that’s just a small little step, just like we’re talking about on this last tip, just do that one little thing that might bring you a little joy, a little self care, whatever it is, but then try to stick to that, and then you know, it ain’t gonna fix you. It’s not going to fix it at one step is not going to fix you know, but it might get you in a better state where you can be more clear headed and work on the next step.

Yeah. One thing that I always told my youth group kids, I would use, like a clock, for example, every second that clock ticks, that arm is pointed in a completely different direction. If you were to follow, like, draw a line from that hand on the clock out it, it’s entirely different, like so just doing one small change one tick on a clock can make all the difference. You’re looking at me like you’re trying to figure out that analogy. A little

I was I seriously was imagining the line going straight out. I’m like, how is this I’m trying to figure out how this is going in a different direction, how this applies, but carry on.

Or if you’re, if you’re just, if you’ve got a pen, and you draw a mark, going one way, and you draw a mark pointing a different way, right? And you just carry those lines out, you’re ending up in completely opposite directions, even if you’re starting from never come together. Exactly. And that’s what I’m saying. Like start small, like the smallest little ink droplet on a piece of paper can go in a completely different trajectory.

I see what you’re saying. that analogy would not work now because they don’t even teach the kids analog clock anymore. I know, which is very, very funny. So that’s how long ago I did youth ministry. Right? Right. One thing that

we like to do as we wrap up our episodes is talk about what did you take away from tonight’s episode? For me, what I’m walking away from is the connection between improv comedy and why I’ve always been so drawn to it. I feel like I have an explanation now and it makes me want to sign up and do it again.

Yeah, so my takeaway is that we talked about a lot of this stuff on the show and we’ve failed to do it. It’s here and I’m not throwing you under the bus I do the same thing Yeah, even the accountability for take going off the grid we have these great ideas and it doesn’t mean we don’t like as far as the tips we talked about we all do this I mean that’s not something we don’t do but so yeah, I don’t have a huge takeaway. I really, my takeaway, I guess, would be I wasn’t super excited for this rundown, but athenee man like I always feel great after we’re done. I say that a lot where I’m like, ooh, I don’t know not that it’s not a bad rundown it’s not a bad show prep. But I always I mean, we’re at you know, I can’t say the time Michael stabbed me in the throat. But the time that we’ve spent is shocking to me, but I should know better we’re seasoned podcasters it’s not like we’re bullshitting along I mean I’m saying all genuine things but I just I don’t know overall my takeaway is this was a good episode. Awesome, you can’t argue with that. So Well guys, this one was short and sweet, which some people might like some people might hate. Just as a side note, I really enjoyed the banter between Mike and I and Ben, we’ve talked to a couple a couple times off the podcast, kind of enjoy that just that shooting the shit and just having community around that and then the fire last night like all this, like great community that’s been going on lately, but so coming up, the next episode you will hear it will be with Mr. Mike vandrie as Ben is going to manage Canada first and then Oregon and Oregon so like a 10 day off 12 days 12 days I did the math but he’s 1212 days so he’s gonna be off next week and then the week after that I’m gonna be off that’s right and i think Chris cow Can you I was gonna say I mean he said he would like we’ve Chris you know add we love them so we’ll have to touch base with them. So Chris Kyle Canyon has been on the show author writer podcaster so that’ll be interesting and then it’ll be three weeks from then then then we’ll be together so we’ll definitely have to make sure we do a personal update at a lot of stuff going oh yeah, so Alright guys, thanks so much for listening to the Reds podcast life unfiltered Have a good one. Later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai