Transcription #130
Hi guys, welcome to threads podcast life unfiltered. Thank you so much for joining us on episode 130 friendship and adulthood. That sounds uncomfortable. It can be uncomfortable. But before we get into that topic and introduce our guests tonight, Ben’s gonna tell everyone what Fred’s podcast is all about. And hopefully it’s good, like none.
And hopefully it’s short, too, because I listened to a few of our latest episodes, and we go long in the intro. Yeah, yeah. Not not as long as gig. That’s true. Let’s hope not. Right. Well, threads podcast life unfiltered is a show that Jason and I created back in the early days of our friendship. And we met through rideshare driving of all things. And when we met almost three years ago, we wanted to create a space where it was okay to talk about things that are tough to talk about. And we wanted to create a space where we can include our faith in the conversation. And most importantly, I would say, we wanted to create a space where we could talk about our mental health, and really get into how we’re feeling and how we’re doing. That has been a three year journey that has brought us 130 episodes. It’s also brought us a friend, and we have our friend Larry on the show tonight. And we’ll introduce him a little bit more in a bit. But this has just been an incredible experience in having conversations about faith, mental health, and uncomfortable stuff. So that’s the direction of threads and what we focus on each week. And we’re so glad you’re here.
Yeah. Before we get into the topic, and introducing Larry want to talk about buy me a coffee calm slash threads podcast, which Larry Mae has bought a membership for a year, I didn’t even know we had that set up. You could buy it for a year. So
he sent me a message. He’s like, what are you sending me? $100? Short Okay, behind You’re the one who said it
behind the curtain is like, Hey, guys, is the business. And threads in gig are the umbrellas. And we just use our Pay Pal account. We started many, many years ago for that. And it comes up as the de GR Rideshare Adventures podcast and I’m like, What the hell was he just feeling generous? That was like, Damn, let’s make it rain on down there. But Larry got a steamy No. So yeah, so Larry, sign up for a membership, which has some perks that Ben’s gonna work on, I know that. And, but if you want to be part of that membership, membership is a weird word like, I don’t know, part of the community, you can sign up for a monthly charge, or you can pay yearly apparently, and save some money. And then you could also just buy us a coffee for five or 10 bucks again, I said in the last show, if you only did five that’s rude because only one of us gets coffee. But we actually aren’t spending it on coffee. It goes into the investment of the business of threads and the and you know, pays for the equipment and you know, the software and and all those things. So if you insist on us actually getting a coffee with it, put that in the notes and we will do that. We will hopefully want to run that by Jasper Ben. I don’t think we will all right, but But anyways, if you go to buy me a coffee comm slash threads podcast that we’re that’s where you can do that.
Awesome. And one last housekeeping item before we jump into our icebreaker. And that is the thing I hate talking about. Because no matter how much words I put around it, how many words I put around it. I just can’t get people to do it. I’m really sad about this. So if you want to make me happy, go write a review of the threads podcast life unfiltered on Apple podcasts. I’ve offered coffee I’ve offered dinner. I just don’t know if people are even listening to this segment. I think they might just fast forward and jump into the meat of the podcast. So I don’t know what it’s gonna take y’all but you’re hurting my heart here. So leave us a review on Apple podcasts. And it will make me happy and don’t you want to make me happy?
Don’t you don’t want Ben to be sad. Nobody wants to nobody wants that. So um, before we get into the show, let’s just talk about Larry Larry is one of our good friends. I think we all met through the rideshare podcast back in the day. Larry became a Patreon member early on and it’s been a super supporter of that and we can’t thank you enough and then you know we kind of again we need to promo all our shows more like we need to cut like ads because I don’t know why we don’t talk about it more. But obviously at some point we did talk about it when Ben was an active member of The rideshare podcast and, and Larry started listening to the threads and then you know, kind of become a fan of that, like Larry is the best cheerleader for us. Like I almost feel awkward when he’s like you guys are just doing great things which I like it. I don’t feel awkward. Let me let me clarify that I just like I wish more people would say that because like, and not that your feedback doesn’t mean a lot. But I mean like some Brando that would mean more than from you because you love us regardless, and we love you like you know what I mean? Sure, no, I understand exactly what you’re talking about. So don’t don’t take it the wrong way. When I say I wish it was a random
like your mom or dad telling you you did good at something. Thank you. Like, well, you kind of have to say thank you yet. It’s true. It does come from my heart. I do believe in. Yeah. So what you’re doing,
why don’t you tell us a little bit before we jump in the icebreaker. who you are, what you are what you do all that fun stuff like, you know, just a minute or so.
Yeah, sure. I’m Larry Duncan. I’m from Bowling Green, Kentucky. I’m 54 years old. me my wife have a wonderful kids, which is a running joke in our chat group. And I’m a computer systems engineer for the city of Bowling Green been doing that for about 23 years. But that career is going to be wrapping up here probably within the next year. Looking at what I’m going to do my next next adventure in life, but been in Bowling Green for 47 years. So it’s home for sure. And do ride share on the side. started doing it because my wife’s a teacher and she’s always busy doing stuff and just really fell in love with it. I’ve been doing that for about four years. Do rideshare Luber Lyft Uber, Uber, combined, I’m shortening shorter things do Lyft Uber, Uber Eats grubhub all that kind of stuff. But mainly right here. That’s that’s kind of my jam. So I stick to as much as possible. But yeah, I met Ben and Jason through the rideshare podcast and got to talking with him and became friends. And here we are. Yes, yeah,
we’ve all kind of grown as friends. Larry and I are going to a podcast conference in August which is maybe work we nashvegas No kidding. I haven’t been there in like six years. I’m sure it’s gotten worse. Oh, yes. I’m really excited before I here we are coming up on June and it hasn’t been canceled yet. And I don’t think it’s gonna
I mean, it’s it was I mean, it’s August. I mean, yeah, I don’t I don’t think Nashville like said Nashville is wide open. Okay. I’ll send you I’ll send you a clip of like the first night when they took down the mass mandate. It was so packed down there. Was that even funny? Oh, yeah.
Oh, man. That gives me anxiety. But so yeah, I’m hoping it’s still going on. I’m really looking forward to hanging out with you and growing our friendship. You know even more by actually being in person for extended time. We may be sending each other at the end of the week. I doubt it.
I doubt it. Now we’re gonna have fun it’s it’ll be a lot of fun. Yeah, we’ll both be in bed at 830 I will be a bed Larry’s the night owl. I am definitely Yeah, yeah. Blair would be not partying but he might be talking to somebody to one in the morning I’ll be sleep I’ll be
out making money man hauling drunks. That’s true. That’s true. You can dry I can Uber Yeah, I can Uber and Lyft in there. That’s hilarious.
That’s hilarious. So. So just kind of like an icebreaker, which we’ve kind of done that a little bit. But how are you showing up tonight? Just kind of How you feeling? And I let Ben go first because Larry and I’ve been running yappers. Yeah, I am showing up today.
I had a nap today. I can’t remember the last time I took a nap. It was awesome. It’s a rainy humid day here in Michigan and didn’t have anything else better to do. And I’ve done to read a book. But I got maybe a page into it. And I was like, I’m tired. I just went and took a nap. So I’m rested. I’m excited to have Larry here. Larry came to our rideshare picnic that we did back in the day. I drove up from Kentucky and that was a that was a treat. So I’m also just really excited to have Larry with us tonight. So it’s gonna be a good night. What about you, Larry, how are you feeling tonight?
Yeah, I’m feeling good. I’m feeling excited. It’s always a pleasure to be you know, talking with you guys. Especially doing a podcast together. We’ve done done a couple in the past and it’s been a pretty good week. Yesterday I drove rideshare pretty good day. I said that didn’t know how things were gonna go because School’s out. Now. You know, Western has been out for a couple of weeks. But they’re still you know, just not a ton of drivers here anymore. So I had a pretty good night last night, driving and slept in this morning didn’t get up till till pretty late. And kind of been lounging around the house just thinking about things we’re going to talk on the podcast. So it’s been kind of a chill day, which is, I just don’t do that a lot. You know, I’m usually either at my day job or out driving or doing something with one of the kids. So it was nice to have kind of a relaxing day just to just kind of hang out.
Yeah, I read something the other day that or actually, I didn’t read it. I lied. It was a tick tock. And it was someone talking about like, hey, it’s the weekend. It’s Sunday, relax, relax, and then all her anxiety popped up is like you’re being lazy. You’re wasting your time you’re doing that but how often do we not just chill on the weekends? And I’m like you Larry, like if I’m not busy. It kind of like, you know, it’s hard for me just to like, lay in the couch. Like I don’t watch TV. I mean, I do things to chill, obviously. Tick Tock. But yeah, what is it with with us that we don’t just relax on the weekends, like Monday and Friday? Like that’s to get the shit done. The weekends are supposed to be time for to relax, but I struggle with it.
That’s what I mean. That’s what doing gig work does to you. Yeah, you’re always thinking, like, I could be working. I could I could be sitting here on my butt. Or I could be out making money. Yeah, I know that. It’s not like your day job. When you’re like, Okay, I work, you know, from from time to this time. And after that, you know, I’m good. But you’re always thinking, wow, I wonder what’s going on tonight. I wonder if it’s busy. start checking the app. How many drivers are out there? All that stuff?
Yeah. Ben, Ben went out yesterday. And he’s like, I looked at the app. There’s crazy surges. I’m like, I haven’t turned my app on in like three months. Like, I don’t even know, I think I’ve actually got kicked off the platform. Because at one point it said I had to watch those videos about safety. And if you don’t, you can’t go online. I think I’m officially literally have to watch them before I go back online. But yeah, right. So coming up for me tonight, as I talked a little bit before we press record. It’s just been kind of a week, last couple weeks, and I’m dealing with some stomach issues. I’m finally going to the doctor from tomorrow, because last Thursday, like was the worst ever. I was like, okay, kept me away from the gym, I was able to go to work. But just so yeah, I’m kind of dealing with that. But I’m excited for tonight. It’s always, it always brings me around. And sometimes you can even hear when I start out the show sometimes like my energy can be low, it’s not tonight. But then by the end, I will just like love in life. And it just like such a great episode. So this is what kind of gets me centered and gets me ready to roll.
Well, we were talking about just how difficult it is to have a weekend and to take a break. And it feels like it’s not productive. And it feels like we could be making money. And if I’m honest, I feel the same pressure when it comes to this idea of friendship. And that’s what we’re gonna be talking about tonight. It is really challenging as an adult male, to be and have friends. And I think a lot of that is, is you don’t get paid to have a friendship, or at least I haven’t found a way. I’d love that job. Right? That’s illegal in some states. Only some, only some. So the idea of having a friend or a friend group, it can be one of those things that you feel guilty about, because you feel like I should be out working or I should be spending time with my family or whatever the case may be. Each of the three of us have families. And with that comes certainly a very full schedule. And it’s hard to squeeze friendship in there. So with that, I just had a opening question. As an adult male having great guy friends can be really difficult. What has made it work for us? Anybody want to go first? Nope.
Sure. Yeah, I’ll go for sure. I think our friendship just grew out of First of all, you know, just a matter of respect. Just I started listening to you guys on the, you know, the original gr rideshare podcast, and just enjoyed listen to you first. And then I heard you mentioned at some point, the threads podcast and start investigating what that was about, and started to listen to those episodes as well. And, you know, I already kind of respect you guys as podcasters and rideshare drivers, but my respect really grew when I started listening to the threads podcast, and hearing about everything that that you guys were doing, and just your backgrounds as well. I mean, you know, Jason has been very open about you know, how his childhood was, and and grown up dealing with that. And you know, Ben, your childhood obviously was very different but you know, you’ve gone through the adoption process with two kids and the, you know, the amount of respect I have for you with that. is humongous for for both you guys. So I think you know that that was really kind of the basis from I wanted to be friends with you guys because I had just a large amount of respect for you guys. And that’s that’s kind of how it started for me. And I’ve enjoyed it, you know, I think even though we’re very, you know, we’re far distance away, we don’t talk to each other every day are see each other very much in person, you’re just this the one time that I’ve been up there so far. It’s one of those friendships that, you know, even if it’s been a week or two, you start talking and you know, it’s like you’ve not, you know, you don’t miss a beat. Yeah, pick right up, kind of where you left off. And that’s kind of that’s kind of my perspective.
So I guess, Ben, I have a clarifying question. Are you talking about our friendship as the three here or just the friendships in general? I guess I’m confused on that.
I was thinking more of the three of us, but it can apply to in general as well. For sure. That’s okay. I was just everywhere you want. Yeah, I
read it. And I yeah, anyways, yeah, I mean, I think, you know, honestly, if I were to talk about the three of us, obviously, Ben and I are closer, because we work on projects together and those kinds of things. So I think there’s a lot more emotional connection and can be pain involved with that, too. But I also feel like with Larry, I could send him a message. Even if we even if we didn’t talk for three months. And like send him a message and said, Hey, I, I need to run something by you, I would get a genuine response from him. And, and, and I feel like that’s a lot of your personality layer. I think you’re just awesome on that. But it also bodes well, like you, you you care about your friend, you’re willing to like hate, yeah, we didn’t message each other. But it’s like, whatever, we’re all busy. And I don’t know, I think a good friendship starts from somebody in heart that has a caring heart, if you’re kind of a dick, like, which I can be. But I’ve also I also have, like, the deep spot in my heart, too. So I just think if you’re already have that softness, or that wanting to have friendship, you know, in your heart, it can, it can work better. Or it can, it can be a good friendship, even if there’s some break, as, as Larry talked about, I just often think about, there’s someone in my life that we connected for a while, and then I would send a message asking for something or looking for some information. And then he he or she would get fussy about it. And and so then I often wonder, should I be connecting more? But it’s not the same with with Larry. That’s for sure. Ben? Well, maybe, but I’m just kidding. What about you, Ben?
Well, I was gonna say very similar thoughts about our friendship with Larry, Larry, I got to tell you those messages that you send out of the blue, they stick with me. And it’s just such an encouragement to me, when you take the time out of your day, to just send a quick message and say, Hey, I just been thinking about you hope you’re doing well. Jason said in the beginning of the show that you’re very much a cheerleader. And I would agree with that 1,000% you’ve just always had our backs. And despite the fact that we haven’t spent a lot of time together in person, ICU is just a trusted friend, a trusted resource, somebody that I know I can go to, and you’re going to take the time to listen. So I think that’s what makes our friendship work is we each have a commitment to one another, we want to see the three of us succeed in whatever it is that we’re putting our hands to. And to have that level of buy in from two other guys is it it’s it’s incredible, you know, to know that I’m not just out there in the world, doing my own thing. You know, I’ve got I got two guys, at least I mean, there’s several others of varying friendship degrees, but friendship really makes life more interesting and helps us be supported. And it’s had a pretty significant impact on my life. So yeah,
I have a kind of a story about about Larry a little bit as I was thinking I could like trust Larry, like, I could give him some sensitive information, and I would have no problem doing that. But Ben, you brought up the picnic a couple of years ago, Larry came in town and I was like, Larry, you can stay here at the house and there’s like, Oh, you want you want to run that pass Megan and then so I did. And she was like, and I was like, yeah, we don’t really know him like, but now I feel so bad that I did that like you know Come again. I’m like, yeah, we have a spare bedroom like, come stay like it’s no problem. It’s just it just kind of funny as we’re, I’m, I was kind of reflecting back on our time together like, I feel yeah that I did that.
No, don’t don’t feel bad because yeah, I mean, at that point I, I’m not sure how long we known each other right? Yeah. Especially, that’s why I wanted to run it by Megan cuz I was like I know, I don’t know if I pop that up on Kathy she’d be like, oh, timeout. Yeah, wait a minute here. Yeah, this this the sagging here but yeah, I mean, our friendship was was pretty new at that time. But um, just roll back to what you guys were talking about? Yeah, I feel the same way. You know, I could I feel like I could touch base with you guys and ask you for something I have. So I know it’s true. I’ve asked you for feedback or, or information about things and, you know, you’re, you always respond with the best answer that you can. And it’s important to have friends like that, like I said, I think a lot of people have a lot of kind of superficial friendships, and you need those two, you know, more, and I think of those more acquaintances, I don’t I don’t necessarily think of those as much as friends. But it is, you know, it’s important to have had people that, you know, you could go to, and ask him anything, and, you know, they give you a straight answer, not disposed smoking.
Right. Right. So one of the things that Ben had written down is, which is a really good question, because I feel like it shows up on every podcast, like how is the pandemic affected your friendships, you know, going around in your world? We Ben and I obviously live in the same location. But Larry lives in Bowling Green, and things may be a little bit different in regards to the pandemic down there and people’s attitude. My guess it’s a little bit more right leaning, not that I’m trying to bring up politics, but it just it is what it is. But how has the pandemic affected your friendships? And the reason I brought up the right, you know, being more open is just the spending time together? You know, not being in quarantine. So I just, I just wonder, as far as you go, Larry, how that how your friendships have been out? Have you been able to stay connected with people like you think you are that you would want to during the pandemic?
Yeah, I mean, probably, right, it’s probably a little different here. But I think for the most part, we’ve kind of gone through the same thing that y’all have seen for, you know, for most of 2020 years, you’re pretty well locked down. Nobody was getting together with, you know, I didn’t get together in person really, with friends or, you know, our family, even for the most part of the year. Yeah, I think we’re lucky that we have the technology that we have today, that you can stay in touch, you know, through text, or messenger, or all those kind of things or even FaceTime, you know, stuff like that, which I think has made it easier. But yeah, there’s, there’s some of the friends that I would get together to on a kind of a regular basis. I have a couple guys, I get together. You know, what, we try to do lunch once or twice, every month or two? And, you know, that certainly got shut down. Yeah, for at least a year. So it did, it did make it different than normal, for sure. It just not, when not being able to kind of have your routine that you’re used to kind of throws you off kilter a little bit. And I’m sure I could have done a as nothing, most people could have done a better job of trying to stay in touch. Because it’s kind of easy. When you know, you’re not going out to lunch with them or anything like that, you know, next thing you know, you look over and like four months, five months have gone by and you haven’t been in touch with them. Yeah. So yeah, it was it certainly put a strain on trying to keep those those relationships and friendships, you know, kind of up to where they usually are,
often feel about feel bad about the elderly, that kind of rely on that face to face contact. You know, we talked about the technology, you know, I feel like I was I feel like I was bummed out that I wasn’t able to spend time with my friends like face to face, but I feel I didn’t I didn’t feel it was as impactful. Just because of telegram and the podcast and those kind of things. I think I felt a little bit more connected but I feel bad for the elderly. Like they don’t have the the tech they have in person and a telephone and yeah,
and they might don’t like it like my mother, she she had any like a cell phone. You know, my stepdad will get on I tried to scoot schedule, like family zoom meetings ever so often. For me, I have I’m one of seven kids so we would get all buzz and my mama said Dad, you know on a zoom call and just kind of catch up because we weren’t seeing each other in person. You know, like whenever we do, and mom she’s seen a new one beyond a webcam. That’s Yeah, she didn’t like it didn’t like it. So she’d be a kind of off screen. You could hear she would talk, but she didn’t want to be on screen. Wow.
That’s so funny. Yeah. Well, for me, I would say that the pandemic, especially in the early days, it forced me into my within force, I welcomed it. But I’m an introvert by nature. And so when the pandemic hit, and things are closing down, and everybody’s just staying home, I kind of enjoyed it a little bit. But then as things started to open up, and especially as I shifted around in my employment status, I found myself really needing that connection, that friendship, and I feel, and Jason can probably attest to this, I would say, probably when jobs started shifting, and, you know, leaving my past job happened, that kind of shook me out of the introvert hole that I was in. And I would say friendship has been a saving grace during the pandemic. You know, I thought I could just, you know, hunker down and do it all on my own as introvert Ben, but, you know, life has a way of flipping things. Like flip. But Wow, life has a way of flipping the script sometimes. And that certainly happened for me with the pandemic. And so I’m so grateful for both of you, and for everybody else that’s, you know, stayed in touch with me, even when I might be more introverted and pulling away.
Well, and recently, Ben just went back to his office work, because he missed people. And I’m like,
Who is this person? Hello, Ben. I think Jason is having a little bit of an impact on me. I don’t know. I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or not. take it for what you want it to be. about friendship. Take it positive. Right, right. Yeah, I
was shocked when he told me that but I’m like, that’s the thing Benza that I have another friend Her name is Jana is the same kind of introvert, like loves to talk with people and hang out, but like, needs that time to recharge and be away from people too. And so I think, you know, I’m speaking for you, Ben, but I think you’re just like, you know, this sucks. Like, if I have an opportunity to go back to work, I think I’m going to do it. Yep. Yep. That’s it.
It. You know, when I started my current job, it was such a big thing for me. But I never really cut to meet any of my teammates. And so I would see them on a screen and I’m just like, this is the greatest job in the world. But you’re working from my home office. And I feel like the celebratory stuff just didn’t happen. Like usually when you get a great new job, y’all, everybody goes out for lunch. And it’s like this big thing. I didn’t have that. So I was certainly ready to start meeting some of my co workers and actually spending time with them in the office. So tomorrow, it’s the official opening day of the office, but some of us have been trickling in here and there beforehand.
Yeah, at least in the state of Michigan. they’ve they’ve said you can go back to work. You don’t want to work remote but real briefly, as far as you know, amigos, as far as the pain epic, as affected, I kind of brushed on a little bit. I just, I feel like it hasn’t been super impactful for me just the way we all connect and stuff. But I will say I have talked to Megan and even my kids like we can’t take it for granted like spending time with people. Like we need to get out and we still haven’t yet obviously we’ve ran the the COVID Bog, which has been about three, almost four weeks of just people getting it and then quarantining and then yeah, it’s been it’s been not but um you know, come June, hopefully things will pan out and I want to spend more time I want to get over to Ben’s house and you know, hang out in this new little you know, thing he’s created in his back I don’t know what to call it that he’s created in his backyard Oasis There we go. And just hang out with them and his kids and, and those kinds of things. So I guess one thing I can take away from it, I don’t want to take for granted like, be like, Oh, we have to go with our friends. That’s annoying, because again, I kind of a homebody even though I’m kind of an extrovert. I like to be at home. So sometimes it can be a challenge for me to go out and deal with people. But I’m trying not to take that for granted as things are opening up.
Certainly. Next question that I came up with as I was thinking about this idea of friendship. I’m sure we can all look back at our childhood or teenage years and think of somebody who we would call All our best friend growing up. So the question is, tell us about your best friend growing up? And are you still friends today, and I’ll go first. My best friend growing up was Jeremy, he was the best man in my wedding. I was the best man in his wedding. We met, I think I was in my we were both in our freshman year of school. His parents were in ministry, and they had just gone through a very difficult separation from the church they were in and they ended up in his grandparents basement. And then he ended up going to the same school I was at. So you know, it’s interesting how that was almost like, verbatim what happened to me and my family, you know, things went south at a church. And then we went to my parents house, and Stephane was with his grandparents. But that friendship was great when when it was happening. But then, after we got married, we just kind of started naturally parting ways he and his wife moved to the east side of the state. Andy and I obviously moved out to Oregon for the for six years. And that certainly put some distance between us both physically and relationally. And then I would try to, you know, get that fire, that friendship going that fire stoke the fire. But it just didn’t happen. And it honestly was pretty upsetting for me when we moved back to Michigan, and we’re in the same state. And yet, I can’t even get a simple reply to attacks or you’ve never answered his phone. So that was an interesting friendship. It kind of came to a weird, awkward end, although, about three years ago, he was in Grand Rapids for work. And we were able to kind of chat through some of this stuff. And he basically said, it’s, it’s it’s hard to maintain a friendship when that friendship was formed during a very dark season of his life. So I don’t know that I agree with that. But yeah, that’s weird. Yeah, it’s like, oh, I’m sorry that I became your friend when you were having a tough time. But
like when you need a friend? Yeah. Like, I feel like that’s the worst excuse you could have used. Yeah, I know. So little bass ackwards there, but
yeah, so whatever. You know, I don’t I don’t reach out to him anymore. And he doesn’t really make the efforts reach out to me. So the last part of the question, are you still friends today? Me? Not really. Would
you like to send him a therapy referral? Because it sounds like he needs it? Right? I mean, nothing against him. I mean, I’m not I guess I am shitting on him. But it just means I just think that man, if that’s really like holding you back from being friends with your your friend, Ben, because of the time that you guys met, like, I think you have some unfinished business to take care of.
100% Yeah, that’s very unusual. Now. You say that now and I agree. 1,000%, but three years ago, when we met like, that wasn’t even on my radar. So I think you’re right. I think he’s got some unresolved trauma he needs to work through.
Yeah, Don’t we all? So what about you? Were there all of mine? Yeah, whatever, dude.
Yeah, um, my best friend growing up was guy named Philip loosli. known him since like, second grade. Just a really super guy. I mean, just really down to our solid Christian guy. You know, he was very well liked. Everybody liked him. All, you know, all throughout school. You know, he knew everybody. His his family was pretty well known around town. Told him one day, it’s like a complex walk around with you. Everywhere we go. We were letting you know saying hi to him. And yeah, so we were friends through high school, we roomed together a little bit in college for a while, before I moved out of the dorm. Then after college, he moved to Nashville, got a job in Nashville. And the period of time he, you know, he was down there, he got married, had some kids, I got married. We didn’t really stay in touch very much. While he was down there, maybe once or twice a year, we would touch base. But at one point, you know, they decided they wanted to move back to Bowling Green, they didn’t really want to raise your kids in Nashville. And so my sister was the HR director of a big factory that just started up here in Bowling Green and they were looking for some it people which he’s in the same kind of same field that I I’m in. And so kind of put those two together, he ended up she ended up hiring him. So they move back to Bowling Green. And so yeah, we still we, we tried to launch about maybe, you know, once, once every month or two still friends still get together you know, it ebbs and flows. I think as, as most friendships do, there’s, there’s times where we’re not in contact as much. But then other times, you know, we’re in contact quite a bit. So yeah, we’re we’re definitely still friends today.
What is it about those long term relationships where he, you know, you’re not super close, like you guys don’t text like Ben and I, I mean, we’re in a, we’ve kind of evolved in the telegram world, we’re kind of in a chat with another friend. So Ben, and I don’t really text much outside of that chat, but that’s a different day, then, no, it’s my I do I do the same thing. It’s not just fun. But what what is like that relationship that you have with your friend from college and all that? Do you got like, why not? Where’s why not the closeness? And and I think, you know, I’m kind of answer my own question. I think you just evolve and get older and things just happen. You know what I mean? It’s not like any any fallout where Ben had the issue with, it’s kind of a little bit of a weird Fallout. I think you just grow into different people. And if you’re not hanging out on a daily basis, like you were when you guys were younger, in college, and in grade school, and whatever, it just kind of like, you know, it just is you’re still there, you still have lunch together, but maybe you guys tax off. And I’d be curious to know,
yeah, we said we don’t, it ebbs and flows. We don’t, we don’t textile together. But there’s, there’s other things that that kind of brings together. And I think part of it, the reason that people end up drifting apart is, I mean, as you get busy, you get married, you have kids, things get really busy. So there’s not as much time and it’s hard to put as much focus on it. But you know, he, we always stay in touch, like say we’re, we’re involved in a ministry called traced his, you know, he had gone through it, and he invited me to go through it. And we’ve done that over over several years. So yeah, there’s, you know, I say the kind of ebbs and flows, there’s not necessarily rhyme or reason to it. Except for the fact you know, he’s got four kids, I’ve got my 19 kids, you know. So yeah, you know, you do get busy with the family obligations and work obligations and things like that. But now that both of our kids are, you know, starting to get older, you know, two of his four are married now. And so, you know, hopefully there’s kind of a little more free time hopefully, to get together. But, you know, I said things change, like his, his wife was a and she stayed home with the kids, but she was a CPA. And so now their kids are older, don’t don’t need her at home. Her and another lady started their own, you know, tax account business. So now she’s, she’s, she’s also busy. So there’s times where we’re like, hey, do you want to get together for lunch? That guy? No, it’s tax season. And so yeah, there’s things in reasons. I think that the, the friendship kind of ebb and flow. But yeah, he’s, he’s certainly somebody that I would count. And I could count on for for anything I needed. You. Yeah,
I don’t really have a story like that. I mean, I had some friends in high school. I actually, and I had, I was a lot friends with a lot of girls. I always had a girlfriend in high school. I had one, probably my freshman, sophomore, junior year. And then I think I didn’t my senior year, and then met somebody after I graduated. But But yeah, I was friends with a lot of girls. I had great relationships with women, which is very odd. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have a female role model at all that was was healthy. So I was seeking that out. And most of the girls I wasn’t looking for, you know, to get in their pants or anything. Like I mean, I had a girlfriend so like, that wasn’t I just I don’t know, I just felt that was you know, where we were friends and one of them I brought up earliest Jana. We weren’t super close. But we, you know, the cliques in high school, and I’m sure I haven’t Larry, you’re a little bit older than us a lot older than Ben, but I think you’re only 10 years older than me. Then do you actually hate that when I bring that up or not? Not you know, Larry, I was betting what we’re saying, Oh, I am a baby. You are a baby. I just sometimes I forget. You know what I mean? But anyways, um, so she was in this popular click right but wasn’t quite the popular girl and she’s kind of got a story of, you know, alcoholic Mother, you know what I mean? So, so we kind of connected we’re in dramas together in place at school. So we got to know each other and we actually are still friends. Well, it’s Dave’s wife, Ben, I was on the show, Dave Dykstra. And so yeah, that that relationship wasn’t like super strong in high school. But it’s, you know, we’ve talked quite a bit out of it. But as far as like my guy, friends, we never really connected after high school. Kind of, I mean, I had a kid early to, you know, like, I was 20. And I had a kid, you know what I mean? So that kind of changes things a ton. Yeah. Rocks your world? Yeah, you’re not really focusing on friendships or anything like that. And then the, like, the best man in my, my wedding, not the first one. The second one, like we kind of are, stay connected, but he’s one of those casualties of the politic war with Trump. Back when he was running for Clinton, or against Clinton. He’s one of those casualties where I’m like, yeah, I’m out, man. Like, you’re being too aggressive, and, and just, you’re being hateful to friends, like other friends that were in the friend group with. And so we talk occasionally, we’re actually in a messenger group and stuff, but it’s not like it was. So here. I said, I didn’t have a story. And I had two stories. So anyways, that’s kind of where I’m at with friends growing up. And if we’re friends now, so one in one, I would say,
yeah, it’s funny I have, I have a couple of friends or whatever, I guess, kind of from grade school, united, as I said, Philip is, is what I would consider probably my best friend growing up. And another friend named Rob that, that I grew up with. And again, we kind of separated after high school, I went to college, he went in the army. But we ended up hooking up, you know, running each other high school reunion later. But he’s a very interesting character. Did a little little time in federal prison for something, okay. It’s just unusual. I mean, very, very intelligent, very sharp guy, but he just marches to the beat of his own drum. You know, Jason, I think you would you would get along with Robert.
Okay, I
think, I think you would find it very interesting, but have him and then there’s four brothers that live right down the street from me, the last name was grant. And they were, I think Greg was two years older than me, I think Ricky was a year older Johnny was my age. And then I think Michael was like two years younger. So they were all right together. And I hung out with all of them and kind of was weird, I’d kind of spend most of our time with one of them. And then a little bit later to kind of shift and I’d spend more time with a different one. And sometimes it’d be all of us together and everything like that. So she’ll keep in touch with them. They’ve all they’ve all moved away from here. You know, my mom’s been a missionary in the Philippines for about 15 years. And no one’s over in North Carolina, and kind of spread out through some different states. But we still, you know, still keep in touch to Facebook and things like that. So I have, I don’t know, probably five or six people that I went to school will still kind of stay in touch with.
Yeah, so yeah, before we move on, I was texting Danny deleted a message, or something on the rundown. I’m like, dammit, don’t, there was something I want to talk about. And honestly, it might be it might go with the question in front of it. What are the fundamental elements of friendship, what I wanted to bring up is how guys don’t emotionally connect. And that’s one thing that’s been super impactful for Ben and I, and I had a bunch of friends like, even in the last like, maybe even before I met Ben, but like, what, five years, seven years, that I literally just stopped hanging out with because I wasn’t I was starting to grow up. And they were staying the same. So well. I’m all cool about dick jokes, and, you know, boobs, and all that, like, I love all that stuff. Right? Like, that’s fun. That’s being guy, but I also need more as a male, and we I just kind of fizzled out of those relationships. And then I met Ben and I was like, Yes, like this guy I can connect with and I’m starting to like, Yes, I need to connect more on an emotional level with with with man. And I don’t know where each of you are on that. My guess is Ben was looking for that same thing. And, and, and I again, I’m speaking for Ben, that’s what I do. But, you know, I think a fundamental element of a friendship for me at this level of my life would be you know, having that emotional connection. Yeah, you don’t have to have the same emotional connection with each guy, but just having some sort of connection where you’re just not talking about you know, stupid stuff. And so that’s my two cents. You know, those those friendships faded out and we don’t even talk anymore. Just it wasn’t like this breakup, like how do you end a friendship you just stop texting? Me, right? It’s kind of fade to black there. Fade to black. Yeah.
Like I said, I think I think I was talking about the, you have people that are just kind of superficial. Friends is what I call it with that there is not that emotional connection, you talk about superficial things, you might do superficial things. But it’s not somebody you would kind of bare your soul to.
Now it’s your time to jump in Ben. The introvert in the room doesn’t know when to talk. Yeah.
Well, I was just gonna say, Jason said he was talking for me, but he wasn’t wrong. I was definitely, I would say, needing some deeper level of friendship at that point in my life. Three years ago, I was working in sales after a terrible ending of a ministry job. Before that, and you know, I was doing this Uber and Lyft stuff, because I didn’t really, honestly, I didn’t have any deep friends to go out and do stuff with on the weekend. So I would just go out and drive and make some money and kind of enjoy some conversation with passengers and whatnot. So I don’t think I really had a deep level friendship at that point. But I was definitely wanting it. Things had kind of gone South with a friend that I mentioned previously, I didn’t feel like putting any further work into that relationship. It just felt like it was kind of done. So I was definitely looking, I would say, maybe not looking but definitely needing a deeper friendship with somebody. And it’s been. It’s been great. I mean, sometimes Jason drives me crazy. And sometimes I drive him crazy. But at the end of the day, we each have each other’s backs. And that’s been just instrumental to so many good things in life. So there I landed the plane. Good job.
Yeah, I don’t think in general, we either of us were like looking for that. I think we both needed it. And the opportunity presented itself, and then it’s like, okay, yeah, I definitely need need some more of this, for sure. Yeah, I
mean, at this point in my life, I don’t need somebody that’s just going to sit around and like, say, act like they’re, you know, 20 years old. And, you know, talk about just superficial topics all the time. You know, I would hope as I’ve grown older, I’ve grown more introspective and think, a little bit deeper level. And once somebody that can talk with it, it’s at that same spot.
So one of the things that Ben had written to is like, what, what can you think of something? I can’t By the way, what is the most impactful thing a friend has done for you? I will let one of you go for
sure. I’ll take a shot at it. I said Philip was my best friend growing up. And Philip, he would always in, in, you know, he’s always a good friend. And it would have been very easy for him not to be like that. He was very popular when like they were, you know, tremendously wealthy, but his dad owned, you know, some businesses and was a city Commissioner. And I said they knew everybody. I think I’ll told you the story about Colonel Sanders camera. If I told you that on you may have. Anyway, I told you, he knew as you go around, and people would always say, you know, hey, Phil, didn’t matter if we were at the mall, where we were at. So anyway, short story real quick. One day we’re out playing, you know, out in the street, riding our bikes, whatever, probably like 10 1112 years old, something like that. We go in his house to get some water because it’s you know, it’s hot outside, walk in and Colonel Sanders is sitting on his couch, the colonel saying and I’m like, holy cow, you do know everybody. And apparently his dad had opened one of the first KFC restaurants ever the last one the first French franchise you open one the first franchises and so he they got to know him. And so whenever he was in the area, he would stop by and see them. Wow. So yeah, it just I was freaking out. I was Colonel Sanders doing in your living room, then he had dizzy look just like that. Yeah, I was gonna ask exactly how to outfit on how to have had a you know, like a black eye camera. What kind of car it was, but you had a driver, you know? Oh my gosh. Yeah, it was it was funny. But anyway, so you know, I said Philip was always well, light. You know, everybody in school thought he was great guy. And here I was growing up with no divorced parents. My dad’s in prison, we’re on welfare. It would have been very easy for him to not have With me, right? But that’s just not the kind of person he is. And he continually would you invite me to go to church with him. And I turned him down for a long time. Oh, growing up through school. And it wasn’t until high school that, you know, and he that I started going with him, and he never pressured me. He never is like, you know, you know, you’re going to hell, you go to church, you’re, you’re horrible. He just always invited me, you know, hey, we’re having this, you know, youth get together to do you know, camp out or whatever. And I was, you know, disinvite me, and he never gave up on me. And finally, finally, one time I said, Yes, and yeah, that started me on the road to becoming a Christian. And so, to me, that’s definitely the most impactful thing that that somebody has done for me.
Yeah, I would say you win the boat on that one. Know when the boat What a dumb thing to say. When the price when the boat? What was I trying to say? And what I was gonna ask you, you, I don’t even know what what slipped in
there. My wife does that. Like she’ll put two. You know, two things together. Already know what the other saying that you’re getting? I don’t know got on the boat off the wagon on the wagon, like something. Whatever, rather, well just want to make something up. About You. Bam.
Yeah, I was thinking. You know, it’s not like this person made a significant contribution of great value to me. But he’s always been there when I needed him. And this friend that I’m thinking of his name is David. David Freeman. He’s been on the gig show. I think he’s used to do rideshare driving. I think he came to the picnic, actually. Now I’m thinking of I don’t think he’s ever been on the show. Well, he he was because we did a remember he came to the studio. Really? Yeah. Huh. You’ve done so many shows that you remember you were good to me. I can remember everything true. But no, David Freeman has just been a stand up guy. Not only does he take care of random things on my car when they break. But last week, my bike broke down. And and I had a flat tire. I’m like, Who do I know that lives nearby. And I remember that he had just moved within about a mile of where I was so didn’t know what he had going on. But I knew he was probably my best shot of getting somebody who could help. Andy was working that night, I think or something she wasn’t available to come bail me out. So So I texted Dave said, Hey, stop, can you help and he dropped everything came pick me up patch by tire talks about bikes and all the other random things. And he was just there. And he’s been there when things have happened to my car. He makes time and that’s very impactful for me. So that would be mine. It’s simple. It’s not like a revolutionary Colonel Sanders story. But Dave is just the kind of guy that makes time for me. And that is definitely something that stands out as significant. Yeah, I
I do have one. It’s in a chapter of my life I haven’t really talked about surprisingly. My first marriage ended in divorce. And when we got together, she already had a daughter. And so we, you know, I started raising her as my own and probably like, I mean, we were already struggling in our relationship and in marriage and stuff. But one night, the daughter had woken up and she basically had a brain aneurysm. She went from completely functional, to totally incapacitated and still is to this day. In fact, I’m surprised at this point, she’s still alive, like she’s bedridden, and doesn’t really know what’s going on. And like, again, I don’t even know how she’s made it this long to be honest with you. But during that time, the guy that was the best man at my wedding, we actually lived across the street from each other. That’s how we met. And they really him and his wife really stepped up as much as that such a terrible relationship that I was going like that that whole, like five years was just a complete shit show. For me. It was probably some of the worst. That was like, even to this day has the person that stepped up the most just, you know, took care of us took care of our dogs. They hate the guy. His name is Eugene. He hates dogs, hates them, hates animals. And we had two dogs and he took those dogs in and he took Care it took him into his house and took care of them and just took care of the family. And yeah, I don’t want the relationship with obviously the daughter or my ex wife, thank God, thank God or the ex wife part of it anymore. It still was super impactful to me that somebody was willing to. I don’t know, I just had never experienced that I like I think now if that happened to me, I think you guys all would do the same thing. I’m not saying that you wouldn’t. But that was the first time in my life where somebody actually cared for me. You know, after being raised in that abusive home, it just felt during chaos, I felt some comfort. So that’s kind of I can, the only thing I can really think of that really stands out again, my memory sucks, too. So that’s pretty huge. So that’s a big deal. Yeah, it is. It is it was it was the weirdest time. It’s insane to have, you know, a normal functioning person, like one day, and then just the next day, the middle of the night, a blood vessel burst. And like, that’s it like, there. It just changed everything. So and that was part of the downfall. They say that people that have those things happen. The marriage is tough. Yeah. I mean, it was already Rocky. So there was no after that. I’m like, there’s no way to there’s no way to save it. But, but so not to bring it bring the room down. Ben, do you want to talk about oh, sorry about that. What do you say, Ben? Sorry. I was just joking about your past. Figures. are we bringing down the boat? Yeah. Bring it when the boat is sinking? Do you want to talk about the fundamentals? We’re probably about 53 minutes in or do you want to jump into Larry gets asked us anything?
Um, I think we’ve covered the fundamentals, honestly. Okay. We mentioned them during our little chit chat about our friends. So yeah, yeah, definitely has anything they wanted to add.
I don’t think I do, I guess the thing that I would, you know, tell people, if I could give some advice, or like, my takeaway, I know I’m jumping ahead is just, if you need that emotional connection that you need to find it and don’t feel, you know, if you have friends that are lining up with your values and everything, like don’t just drag it on, just to drag it on, you know what I mean? Like, if it’s not, you know, life is so short. Like, why would you drag this on for for five years, where you’re not getting anything out of it? I mean, it’s just just call a spade a spade and move on.
Yeah, and you know, friendships are very important. You know, we’ve told our kids over and over, you know, you are that you’re a composition of the five people that you hang out with the most Yep. And I believe that that’s there’s you know, there’s a ton of truth to that, who you hang out with is going to determine a lot about you know, what you think, what you do, how you act, you know, how people perceive you. Just, it affects everything in your life. So make those choices. While you know, wisely. Don’t, you know, don’t hang out with people that, like you said, don’t align with your values, things like that. You know, it’s it’s a very important thing. who you hang out with?
Yeah, I feel like through this podcast and being friends with Ben, weirdly, I think Andy has an influence on Ben which, which then has an influence on me. It sounds stupid, but it’s the people you hang around with. Because I’ve been open, my eyes have opened to so much more things that need to be be thought about, you know, I don’t want to get to laughter right. But just you know what I mean? Just a lot of different things. And I’m so grateful for that. That’s just my two cents you can figure out if you know us, you can figure it out so bad can’t figure it out. He gave the eyebrows. I think I know what you’re talking about. Well, I’m just saying like I would say Ben leans a little bit more. Right. And and I think this podcast is open him up a little bit. I would say Andy leans a little bit more left. And here I am, you know, not talking about you know, now you got me to go into it, but not talking about Black Lives Matters and the importance of African Americans in this community. And my best friend’s got a black daughter and you know what, the I almost dropped it. What are we doing here? Like I need to be more sensitive to those things. I need to look into more of those things and my gay friends and my transgender friends and like those kinds of things and and it’s just like, no, this is all this shit means something to me. And and I don’t know, and I never used to be that way. I wasn’t I say anti but I’m like, No, this is important to me. So there I said it now now that if you couldn’t caught up, I was wondering if you’re going back to the American flag in church. Can you let that go, dude? Looking at you converted the man you converted? Yeah, I already gave up like I already is like, you’re right, and you still bring it up on every show. I like to enjoy my victories as you should people die on that hill.
Nice. So to wrap this up, Larry also has hosted a podcast in the past, he’s been a guest on the rideshare. So he knows this. He knows what he’s doing. He’s going to the podcast convention. So we wanted to just give Larry a space to turn the tables and maybe even become the host a little bit. Yeah. us on the spot. So Larry’s prepared a few questions. I have no idea what they’re about. But for our wrapping our I don’t know what I’m trying to show. For end of the show wrap up. We’re gonna hand it over to Larry. switch roles here are wrapping up the boat. Let’s vote.
Let’s do it. All right. The first one, I just want to get your guys input on it. Because as I said before, we respect you guys and your opinions. And this is something that that our household certainly has been thinking about it. Am I correct that both of you have been vaccinated? Yes, sir. Okay, so I have as well. What do you think about these organizations or institutions that are saying like, there’s some universities now they’re saying you cannot attend our university if you’ve not been vaccinated? And the reason I asked is because my wife has not been vaccinated her her sister, her aunt, they, they’ve done lots of research. And this is actually a suggestion for you guys for a show at a later date, if you would want it to have you know, have someone on you my wife said she would do it if you would want her to, but have someone that has chosen not to be vaccinated and kind of go over their reasons why and what their attitudes are. So what’s your What’s your opinion on it? Because I think there’s going to be, I think we’re getting to a point where it’s kind of like the haves and the have nots. And, you know, I’ve said, she feels like people are going to feel like they’re wearing a scarlet letter, if they haven’t been vaccinated up, we’re gonna, they’re going to get shamed, they’re going to get looked down on and treat you differently.
Hmm, well, we just received an email over the weekend, we being the staff at the company I work for, and the policy that we’re enacting is something that I’m really okay with. And that’s the honor system. So we’re not checking, but they are saying that if you’ve been vaccinated, you don’t need to wear a mask. It’s not a if you haven’t been vaccinated, you’re not welcome in the building, it’s really putting the onus of trust on the individual and allowing them to, to do the right thing or to be sneaky and lie about it. At the end of the day, I think that if we hit a benchmark of 55%, plus getting the vaccine, and there’s a majority of people, I think that will naturally weed out any exposure risks. So I try not to get too wrapped up in in those conversations. But I certainly don’t think it’s appropriate to, to put those line in the sand unless you show me your vaccine, passport, you can’t come here. I’m not comfortable with that line of thinking. I think that if given the opportunity to choose wisely and to make a decision based on everybody’s good, I think humanity would typically choose what’s best. And so I just don’t think it’s right to mandate that you get vaccinated before coming back. That’s at least where I’m coming from on the issue. Yeah, there’s
a couple of things you brought up, brought up the, you know, the scarlet letter with your wife and then the colleges. I don’t agree with it either. But I think it’s their right to do it. I support their right to do it as a business owner. Although the colleges are a little weird, cuz I think Michigan did the same thing up here. Like, technically, they’re a business but don’t they get funded by the state too. So that’s kind of this weird gray area, like if there’s a restaurant here called Filipinos, and Filipinos said you have to be vaccinated. That would suck i would be pissed about and not pissed. I’d be like, Ooh, that’s odd. But um, I support their right to do it even though I’m not happy about it. See, that’s where I’m kind of those the weird kind of patriotic guy, right? Like, I don’t like it, but I support the like, this is why we were in America. The government can’t tell you what to do. While it’s it is a little weird. Do that, and it makes it super awkward and I think it provides, especially in your business ban, or any business of that small, you’re going to have issues if you do that. Mm hmm. But I also feel to like, well, this has been a deadly disease. Think about the Spanish flu like, millions and millions of people like does it does this disease need to be worse for more people to get vaccinated? Or like, do you need to be walking down the street and people are literally dropping from the virus? You know what I mean? Because their bodies can’t handle it. I don’t know. You know what I mean? Like I, as far as like the vaccine, I’m actually more fussy that people that won’t wear masks, then get the vaccine because I get it like, you’re getting a shot. I like I didn’t get a flu shot for my whole life until starting about three years ago. Like I didn’t hate anyone that did or didn’t get it. And I’m kind of the same with the vaccine. Like, again, what if it was like the Spanish flu, where people are dropping like, because I mean, up until this point of COVID, we had no one that got COVID. Like, we didn’t know anyone that even got it. I mean, it doesn’t mean I still didn’t get the vaccine, but I just got the Honestly, I mean, a lot. I think a lot of people I got the vaccine so I can get back to life. So everyone can just at things can open up and we can all go back to, to life. And I maybe that’s not a good enough reason. Of course, I don’t want my mother in law to die. I don’t know. I know. I said a lot of things. But I think you get the gist of it.
Yeah, it’s this kind of weird that her sister was in a yoga group yoga class. And they they were allowed to go come to class and wear masks, which was fine. And then the vaccine came out. And now they’re saying, Okay, if you’re not vaccinated, you’re no longer welcome. Even if you wear a mask, like the whole time they’ve been letting people come. That’s where you’re wearing a mask. That’s that’s really, you know, that kind of situation. I don’t understand whatsoever.
Yeah, I mean, the whole honor system is stupid. Like the governor here. She’s like, oh, and I think a lot of them are like and and I’m just open it up. I mean, at this point, just open it up. Because the people that already were anti Vax are already anti mass, they’re not going to wear their masks. And so just open the shit up and let’s just get on with life. I don’t that’s just my opinion on it, but I don’t ever honestly, the mass thing bothers me more than the Vax. Like if someone says they’re not going to get I’m like, okay, cool, whatever. Like, unless I’ve actually said to a customer, though, she was elderly. I’m like, she was like, No, I’m not gonna get it. And I literally said to her, maybe I shouldn’t have like, you know, the thing is wiping out old people. And she was like, Yeah, I know. I was like, I lady, you have a good day. Like I ended the conversation right there. I’m like, you’re just rolling the dice. And cuz she was like, going out with her girlfriends still. And I’m just like, like, this lady’s in her like mid 70s. I’m doing her lawn. I was like, that’s the only thing I’ve ever said to anybody. Because if you’re old, you really should be getting the vaccine and staying home. But yeah, it’s a it’s become. This is what I told Megan, the other night. This, this country was built on these freedoms way back in the day, right? And I love them. But this is what happens when you have a country that has more freedoms than anyone in the world. And you tell is messy, it gets messy. You tell them that you’re, I mean, putting a mask on is not taking away your freedom I look at is like you’re helping your fellow fellow man. But a lot of people look like you’re taking away their freedom. So they’re just like, I do it. This is America, like I, you know, landed the free home of the brave. You know what I mean? And and so i, this is what happens when you have a country like that. So it’s it sucks, but I think this is kind of the reality.
About? Well, good, good deal. I appreciate you guys answering that. Okay, this next question is for Jason. You’ve been really, you know, open, and on the podcast about your childhood and growing up with the abuse? How do you think you managed to? I don’t know if it was a cycle, because I don’t know if your mom was abused or anything like that. But how do you think you prevented it from becoming a cycle of abuse and being an abuser? Like, like your parents, or your mom was
a god, I think I had an angel. I mean, I really do. I’m not gonna say I’m perfect, but I didn’t abuse my kids, like my mom did. You know, I’ll be honest, sometimes when I spanked me if spanked a little harder. But it was never abusive. You know, my mom was was out of anger. You know what I mean? Like, she had a bad moment and she, you know, kicked us or hit us with the brush or whatever, you know what I mean? But I swear to God, I don’t know how I didn’t I swear to God, like I feel like God probably said, No, this is the one you know, like, this ain’t happened and no more because how do you stop it because, like, what from I didn’t have any leadership or people in my life. Life from the age that 28 how do how do you do it? Like, I don’t understand. It’s not like I started therapy when I had a kid and all of a sudden, like, I’m better like now Yeah, of course I look at it and go, Yeah, all this work I’ve done. But I mean, I’ve, you know, I got a 24 year old, a 13 year old and a 10 year old and I haven’t beat them. And so I have to give it to God I know is, is as cliche as it sounds. I don’t know how else I didn’t not do it. That’s a valid answer. I really don’t I wish I could say, Yes, I did these three things. But I didn’t have a pot to piss in when I was 20. Like mentally, you know what I mean? Or a boat to pison. But I would say, Yeah, I didn’t. I didn’t. So I, I don’t know how I just thank God that I didn’t. And again, my kids are probably going to need some therapy. I’m not perfect. I run my mouth. I have blow ups. I screwed up tonight. You know what I mean? But I think the important part is the circle back and saying, Hey, this is what I did. This was super wrong. I should have approached this different those kinds of things. That’s what we’re working on our household right now. Like, you can make mistakes, but you have to circle back. But you know, that’s so funny. No one’s ever asked me that. And I, I just don’t know, I would have to say again, as cliche as it sounds. I think God’s like, Nope, not this one. Hey, that’s a perfectly acceptable one. I think it is. And I think it is broken. Like, I’m pretty sure my kids aren’t going to beat their kids. Yeah,
yeah. All right. So good answer. Thanks for asking that. Hey, no problem. I’m happy to ask something that nobody’s ever asked you before. That’s, that’s a trick. Good. All right. So Ben, my question, you talked earlier about how much I respected you, and you’re adopting your kids. I don’t know that this they’re having to you’re not but has it ever happened to you? And how do you reacted to? Has anyone ever been like overtly racist to your daughter miracle? And how did how did you respond to that? Or how did you handle that? Because I think I would dislike lose my stuff. I mean, I really do. I mean, I know how protective I am with my kids on, you know, just small things. But it’s something like that, you know, that? You know, something like that would just, I think, just send me over the edge. Yeah, um,
you know, thank God, we haven’t really had any huge moments where somebody was displaying racism to our daughter. However, there is one instance and I think race had, obviously a big part of of it, because having not been for her race, this person would have never known that she was adopted. But we were getting our pictures taken at JC Penney will never go back there after this experience.
I don’t think they’re open anymore. Oh, well, there’s that too. But they are here. Oh, really? Yeah. Which is barely hanging out. I don’t know how. You don’t know how but yeah.
Yeah. So the photographer was not very gracious at all. And just to give some context miracle was having a rough day. I mean, picture day is hard for adopted kids, because it’s like, you’re putting a hard copy memory of this new family they have and yeah, it’s great. But what kid wouldn’t want to be with their family of origin? I mean, if, if situations and circumstances could have been different, I’m sure both of my kids would rather be with their biological family, and how I would prefer that to, but that’s not how life went. So miracles, having a rough time with the pictures, and she’s not cooperating. And this photographer looked at her and said, if you don’t start getting your act together, your family’s gonna adopt, you know, just like, oh, what and she? She said it jokingly, but that is not a thing you joke about No, that is so wrong. So, so here we are like, and it was sad, lightheartedly. Like, I don’t think this person had any ill intention. No. But you don’t say things like that, like you should know better. And we brought it to her attention. And it’s like, it just didn’t even click with her that what she said was unacceptable. And it was just so awkward. And so we we stopped making an issue and just fake the smile and got done with that photo session as quick as we could. But then I definitely, I think Andy actually reached out to the manager and was like, This can’t happen like that was horrible. So again, not necessarily rooted in race, but I think race played a part. This woman taking our pictures felt like she could Say whatever the hell she wanted to say, without considering the impact it was going to have on our daughter. And when I think about racism, that’s often what happens, you know, people are conditioned to think a certain way about people of different colors. And it’s not that they have ill intentions. It’s just, they don’t know any better. And so they open their mouths and they say these horrible things. Maybe I’m giving too much grace to people. But I don’t think the majority of racist people really intend to be that way. There’s just some sort of a mental block that’s keeping them from being able to see that, oh, I need to work on myself, because that wasn’t right. So that’s what comes to mind there.
Yeah, I think I think, like you said, I don’t think she intended and like she didn’t know how long you had her to like, maybe in her mind, you had her from birth? Right. So you know, putting eight years I don’t remember how she was I think she was no, how old was she was eight when she came to us? Yeah, sure. Probably nine or 10. Yeah, so putting that time with you. It’s it would be less impactful. But again, you still shut it and say it because you don’t know the scenario. Exactly. So sorry. You had to deal with that. That sucks.
Yeah, I can’t believe what was it like a young kid? That she was like a college student? Yeah, yeah. So Wow. Yeah. It was rough.
Yeah. Like she said, she probably just wasn’t thinking about what she was saying. You didn’t realize what impact that would have. But yeah, that’s a that’s a pretty bad, pretty bad comment to say. All right. Since we’re talking about friendship today, Jason, tell me what, to me. What me or my wife is is my best friend. What are some of the things that attracted you to Megan? Oh, man, this
is kind of funny. She, when she asked that I bring up all I was looking for a good parent for my son. And she’s like, that’s why you are attracted to me. And so she takes it as because I was looking for a loving, caring person. And she takes it sometimes as a fence. Like, you didn’t find me attractive only? Of course I did. Because if I didn’t, it wouldn’t work. I’m not just looking for some random woman. If that’s the case, I would be looking for a grandma. You know what I mean? Like, you know what I’m saying like this. I met Maggie when she was 21. So, yeah, I mean, that’s literally, you know, what was your original question? I apologize. I told you this. What what’s, what are some of the things attracted? Oh, yeah. So just her quirkiness. We actually met at a bowling alley. I was a bowler. She was an employee. And, um, you know, she just sprayed those shoes. So sexy when they came back dirty. I was like, yeah, girl. I did it, man. I did it. Like, come here. I’ll put something else in your hand. Oh, no, not that kind of showed Jason. Get back on the boat and just paddle your ass away. No, it was just she was quirky. And she had this naturally curly hair for whatever reason. I’m attracted to curly haired women. All my girlfriend’s ex. My ex wife had been straight here. So that’s why your ex girlfriend? Yeah, yeah. My current. My current job was clear that up, right. So that that was and she was just sweet and bubbly. And, and she just seemed caring. Like she had the car. And of course, she was beautiful, of course, because like, I tell her that that wasn’t there. It wouldn’t work. But yeah, and she’s really, man. Behind every man is a good woman. I know. That’s another cliche saying but man, this lady is just awesome. Like, has picked me up several times from the depths of hell and said it’s we’re gonna It’s okay. We’re gonna do it. We’re gonna get through it and has given me so much good guidance and advice about you know, a lot of things in my life that she’s I mean, is how we said I didn’t abuse my kids like, She’s my savior from going to jail. I mean, to be honest with you, like, meeting her, dealing with my axe with custody stuff, and like, she’s the one that kept me from not strangling my axe because of some of the things she did. So another god thing again. Yeah, I really think he was like, Okay, he’s been through it. Now. This is, this is my plan for him. You know, I think this podcast is part of the plan to reach out to people and connect with people and hopefully you can help people. And yeah, she’s just been I know, I went a little long on attractiveness. But you know, she’s just been great.
That’s awesome. Insane question. Are you Thandie? What drew me to her? Yeah. What? What attract these newer you know what What kind of drew you to where? I guess?
Yeah, so I have the opposite situation of Jason. He men mentioned how Megan was younger. Well, Andy is older than me. I like to say five years because that’s what the the age span is in the first four months of the year, but it’s really four and a half. We were both leading youth group, like we were youth leader. So I had a, you know, a group of guys that I was responsible for, she had some girls that she had. And two things come to mind. One, one night, she came to youth group wearing plaid pants, and I was like, Oh, boy, rock plaid pants and be okay with that. Look. It wasn’t exactly super trendy, but she wore them and she looked damn good in them. And I let her know, as you were waiting in line for pizza, because every night before youth group, we had little caesars pizzas for the kids. And, and so I paid for her pizza, the $2 for the slice or whatever. And, like I really like your pants. And she’s like, thanks. Flash. Oh, plaid pants is one of the things that first stood out to me about her. And, but not just the plaid pants, but just the fact that she was totally okay with being herself in the world. And she wasn’t caving to anybody’s pressure. She was she was Andy. And that was the first real interaction I had with her. And then over the course of the next few months, just had opportunity to see her with the girls that she was ministering to spending time with them, mentoring them, taking them out. And that was very much what I was all about as well. So youth ministry is actually one of the things that really brought us together. And then it was on the it was a like a trip between Christmas and New Year’s that we went on to Charlotte, North Carolina with youth group. And that’s kind of when things started happening and clicking. We the kids essentially set us up like her group of middle school girls without was always conspiring with my group of high school boys. And we thought maybe it was because the middle school girls have crushes on the high school boys. Oh, no, they were working the entire time just to set us up. So. So I think just her heart for youth ministry. Her care for others and her just this is who I am. approach to life was certainly attractive to me.
Wow, that’s awesome. That’s it’s funny. My wife is I call her that, you know, the older woman too. She’s two and a half weeks older. back our older woman she’s like, Oh, yeah, I’m the older woman as a gay collar cradle robber all the time. Yeah, yeah. Two and a half weeks. That’s funny. That Well, that’s cool. That’s neat to hear those stories. And I’m certainly planning on coming up for the pig neck again, if at all possible this year. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time you know, talking with either one of your wives last time, but I hope to hope for me that a little bit this time when I come on. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Hopefully. Hope I come up and stay for a couple days. That’d be awesome. Yeah, that’d be fantastic. Yeah. When the picnic is September 11. Yeah, yep. Correct. Okay, well, I got blocked that off on my on my calendar.
Great. So we’ll get to see each other in August and September, August and September, two
months in a row. I mean, some of you may be sick. I mean. Awesome. Yeah. You got anything else for us? Are we good? Yeah. I mean, how are we doing on time, I
guess over time, but so I think maybe it was probably a good spot to wrap especially since I have to edit best. Okay. Yeah, no problem. I’ve got more questions. No, honestly. Let’s save them. Maybe we’ll recap at another time because those were good. Like, again, the takeaway thing? I didn’t know the story of Ben and maybe he has talked about on the show, but we know how bad my memory is. I didn’t know about that. And then you ask the great question of, you know, how did I break that cycle? And no one’s ever asked that. So good job on the questions like,
Damn, I appreciate it. Hey, I I spent some time and thought I, you know, I tell him this morning. I was like, Man, I’m having a little bit of trouble with this. But I’ve just been sitting in here in my daughter’s room and I was like, I you know, I got to impress my guys. You know, I can’t be coming up with some lame questions here. What’s your favorite color? Yeah.
Well, I thought I thought you know, it helps that you’ve, you know, listen to the show a lot. So there’s some probably some things that maybe have been left out that we haven’t talked about that may that helped you generate those questions. So
sure, yeah, no, I’ve listened to all episodes for sure. Really?
Oh my god. No. Yeah. Yeah. So that is super impressive. All right, well, we’re gonna land this plane or boat or whatever, whatever. We dock the boat.
So we’d like to just wrap by sharing a takeaway, something that stood out about the show. And, Jason, I’m gonna be honest, I don’t think, you know, maybe you talked about the bowling alley before. But as you were talking, I’m like, I don’t even know how he met Megan. So I’m so glad that you’ve brought that story up, because I was like, did they meet online? Did they go to church? I
brought that up before but again, 130 episodes we’ve talked for. I mean, Dallas days, days
of time. So Ray, honest, I don’t remember that story there. Okay. Well, I don’t know. Well, maybe I may. Well, there you go.
So that was my takeaway. Like, I was like, we’re such good friends. But I don’t even know how we met his wife. So they Well, he didn’t even know I met you. So I don’t it’s a blur. I’m terrible with that. That’s mine. about you, Larry.
Yeah, no, I mean, my take away it. To me, it’s just, it just reinforces you know, how much how much I appreciate you guys and how much fun I had when I sit down and talk with you. And the whole idea of friendship. It’s really funny that, Ben, you thought of this for this episode. Because there’s a group of guys that I used to play poker with. We had like a poker league. I mean, we were we were hardcore on it, we would play once or twice a week, we would have Lee our seasons and your league. And while it was a whole big deal, and there’s like four or five of them that they were kind of the core group. And there’s a big situation that came up that involve one of the guys was a pastor who played with us, who ended up having an inappropriate relationship with one of the other guys was and it just got it. This blew up. I mean, big time, just blew up. And we kind of scattered to the wind after that. Yeah. But one of the guys, his name’s john DOS, he, he created him and another guy created a company here called sublime media. They do all sorts of video, video stuff, and, and podcasting, all sorts of different media type things, and have a listen to the podcast that they put on, and just sent him a message on messenger a few weeks ago, I was like, hey, john, just want to let you know, I’m really enjoying listening to the podcast. And he’s like, yeah, oh, I appreciate it. You know, man, I really missed the, you know, get the poker group we used to have. And I just got to think and you know, what, why are we not? Why did we not ever touch base again? Yeah. And I’ve run into a few of them. And a few of them, you know, work at the same place. So they kept in touch a little more. And so I just started sending out messages. And hey, would anybody be interested in just getting together catching up? And like, like, one of the guys you know, I talked to him. He didn’t have he didn’t have a kid, when when we were playing poker, his his son just turned nine. So like, wow, okay. How’s it been that long. But anyway, supposedly, we’re gonna get together next Saturday night, I think you’re at my house. And like, I’m just, I, I’m really excited about seeing these guys and kind of catching up in here and what they’ve been doing over the last 10 years or so, and you know, that I can’t get older or get older, you realize how short life is and like, man, don’t, don’t wait. If you know, if you want to want to get in touch with somebody get in touch with them yet. Say, Hey, if they don’t want to get there, you know, that’s kind of on them. But if you can, if you want to get together and catch up, hang out, whatever. It’s you can never have too many friends.
So I gotta ask, did you send the invite to the pastor and the other guy? No, no, he’s in Florida. No, no, no, he’s out. He’s out. God, what a messy messy I thought you’re gonna say he’s a pass on playing poker. And that was the issue at that, like, because he was betting money or something.
Now this guy’s literally I mean, when they introduced me because a couple of the guys went to his, you know, went to his church when we started getting together. I probably asked him a dozen times. Like, are you? Are you sure he’s a pastor? Right? Are you absolutely sure? Cuz I mean, just yeah. Clearly had some issues. Yes. Definitely. And and I don’t even know the whole story. But I know a lot about an add on. You’ll find out on Saturday. My. But yeah, so yeah. So again, just thank you guys for having me on. I appreciate your friendship. I look forward to coming out for the picnic. I look forward to the podcast conference and appreciate everything you guys do and and the show, I’d say that I’ve enjoyed listen to to all the episodes and you guys are doing great work.
Well, thank you very much, Larry. We really appreciate that and we appreciate y’all Listen to the Reds podcast will. Next episode you will see you’ll hear Ben and Mike as I am taking a week off for the first time and I don’t know yours. I don’t know. Not not quite three years because we had the wise do the opposite like you and Andy used to do an episode a week. That’s right. Yeah. So but if you’re jumping off the boat for a week, for a week, yes, the band’s actually come in the studio recorded a video tonight to show them how to run the board. And him and Mike are gonna sit down and record so Apple prayer for I think they’re doing it next Thursday, I think right? sale.
Oh, why not? Wednesday, we’ll be home. I don’t know. We’ll figure it out. You ain’t doing it on Wednesday.
That will be super weird. I cannot if that’s the case, you need to go in your own house because I can’t write it down here while I’m upstairs. Thanks, guys for listening to threads, podcast life unfiltered. And yeah, we’ll see you in a week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai