Hi guys, welcome
to threads podcast life unfiltered Episode 128, thank you so much for listening to our show, whether it be in the morning, or the night or the evening. We really appreciate everyone that listens to the show. And Ben and I are in tonight, recording remotely. And we’ll get into that a little bit. Before we talk about or get into the episode, Ben’s going to introduce threads, what threads is all about, and hopefully do a better job than I did. Last episode.
I heard that. Yeah, man. I was laughing. I tell you what, listening to Jason tried to summarize what threads is was was pretty awesome. So let’s see if I can do it. Any justice after that. But threads podcast is an opportunity for us as hosts to have conversations about things that matter. And sometimes the things that matter in life are the the hardest to talk about. And you’ll probably catch on to some of that on today’s episode. When we sit down and talk we have three main buckets or topics of discussion. And those are faith, mental health, and uncomfortable conversations. On tonight’s episode, you can expect to hear certainly about the uncomfortable conversations. But I’m sure they’ve got some mental health and faith elements wrapped in as well. So that is the threads podcast in a nutshell, we get our name from the idea that there’s more threads in life that tie humanity together. And then there are things that separate or pull us apart. So we focus on those connections and then live our life unfiltered and talk about it as we go on the show. And that is what the threads podcast is all about. How would I do?
You did a great job you didn’t like we talked about real shit. Isn’t that what I said?
Something like that was really brief. But then you’re like, and then I then we cover like Three? Three topics. What are they? I think their faith mental health? No, I
think I was like, it’s only three right? Like, in my head. I was thinking that there was more. I don’t know. It was pretty terrible. It was something it was fun. Yeah, I it was it was nice talking. Sit down with Mike. We’ll talk about that in a little bit. But before we do that, we’d love for you to support us and buy me a coffee.com slash threads podcast. What is buy me a coffee. So buy me a coffee is is a platform, kind of like Patreon where you can support the people that you listen to in your life. Because, you know, honestly, a lot of the content out there is free, which is really good. But those those content creators have expenses and those kinds of things. And we are just trying to grow the show as big as possible. And sometimes that takes money I’ll be I’ll be blunt about it. And we’d love for you to support us that way. What’s cool about buying me a coffee is if you don’t want to do a monthly commitment, which we would love, which comes with extra perks, you can do a one time thing. It’s just $5 buy us a coffee, buy better coffee, buy me whatever. So if you feel inclined to do that, and our show has moved you in a direction that’s positive, whether it be therapy or friendships or family, go to buy me a coffee comm slash thread podcast.
Awesome. Well, I was not here on the last episode. And that was something it was so weird to not be in the studio recording on a Friday night, right? I don’t know. Did you guys record? It wasn’t even a Friday night. Was it?
No, we ended up recording on Thursday. Because I we had to go north? Oh, yes. We, we basically built the fence on the cat and you’ve been in the cabin. So if you walked out to the deck and look to the right, it’s where the grills were and there was no way to get down right, you had to go all the way to the left to get down. Well, we open that up, put stairs down and put an entire area fenced in for the dogs. So literally, we spent probably $600 on a fence in stairs for the dogs. So they can go poop and in the morning. We don’t have to get up and leave them and go take them out. We can drink our coffee just like we do at home. Right and they can go outside and go potty. So it was like this whole thing for dogs. And I’m like, it’s worth it though. Like in the long run. We’re always gonna have dogs but yes, I could not record on Friday. So we did on Thursday. But yeah, that that is that is why
nice. It was very odd to see a rundown be put together in the drive. I don’t know what I was looking for. But I was looking for a logo I think. And I looked in the drive and I saw a rundown. I was like, wait, I didn’t make that. So usually I’m the one that puts those together. And Jason and I obviously host pretty much every other episode. So to not be on the show was certainly something
Yeah, not to have any prep involved with it. And yeah, basically I just took a personal form. Just change a few things. So you technically did do it many, many, many, many, many, many weeks ago. Right? This week that right? We just tweaked it a little bit. But what did you think about the episode? I know a couple of times, I went hard on you a little bit. How did you feel about the the thing of me talking about when you had brought up? Was it made popping off or whatever like that did? How did you feel about that?
I think that in my head, I’m, I was anxious that it was going to be more, I don’t know, pointed or accusatory than it was like, I don’t think you really, at least in my mind, you didn’t really come down hard on me about that. It was more. I feel like you were a little bit filtered with it, perhaps. Um, it wasn’t
filtered. Because, you know, we, we corrected that right away, right. Like you and I have said that on the show like we message you messaged me right away. So there was no need to come down and use. I wasn’t filtered. Those were honest feelings. I was just bummed about it. Right. It was more just a bummer. But, yeah, that was not filtered. That was exactly how I felt. And I feel now. So I actually felt like I was a little rough on the show. So I was a little worried that you may have been upset about it. But clearly I I wasn’t. So I’m happy for that.
Yeah, I think that I’m in my head, I think of the worst case scenario. And then things never go that way. And then how they actually happen, the reality is far better than what I conjure up in my head.
Yeah, like kind of meeting with HR. about that. And I think to a certain extent, we all do As humans, we kind of maybe not go worst case, but we never, we always end and it always being ends up being less impactful than
you thought it was going to be. For sure. For 100%. One of the things that Mike mentioned, or maybe it was you, but the whole idea of eye contact, you said that I rarely make eye contact with you. But Mike does. And I’ve noticed that too, on the episodes that we’ve done with Mike, like, he will lock eyes with you. And you’re just like, it’s hard to look away.
Well, it’s not for me. I mean, I’m an eye contact guy. But I’ve gotten used to recording with you and you don’t it’s totally okay. Like, it’s not a bad thing. That’s just how you are. And it’s totally fine. But sitting across from somebody like I don’t think I’ve sat across from somebody one on one on a show other than Mike for that long. Yeah, I have to like this, the only person I’m focusing on, there’s no one else in the room. So it caught my attention, it actually was kind of making me feel a little awkward. I didn’t want him to stop because I didn’t want him to change. But it definitely was as a change of pace.
For sure. Yeah, I’m that way with my therapist, too. I don’t know if it’s a character defect or what the issue is. But in those settings where I’m talking about deep shit, I don’t often make eye contact, I’ll find something else in the room to look at or look at my phone, or I’ll look at the tab or the iPad, or the computer. You know, it’s rare for me to have fixated eye contact.
I feel like I think being with a therapist, I do the same thing because I feel like it’s pretty deep. And some things are like really uncomfortable. Like you may not want to talk about but like with us, I feel like I want to I want to respect your content and not that you’re not you’re just not disrespect. You’re not disrespecting me. But in my head that’s I’ve really worked on the eye contact thing. So I think it’s just personal preference. I don’t have a problem with that at all. It was just it kind of caught me off guard how much Mike was staring?
night? Yeah, in social settings, and in work settings or family settings. I’m 100% for eye contact and and a lot of that is obviously because it helps the connection. Yes. But there’s also the fact that I’m often also reading lips as people are talking because sometimes it can be difficult for me to hear. So I do tend to focus on if not their eyes, their entire face. In in those settings. But yes, in the podcast studio. I’m just not much of an eye contact guy. And when we had guests in there, like I would accidentally lock eyes with somebody that made quick look away. Like if I caught Mike’s eye or Dave’s eye. It was I quick, break that contact and find something else in the room.
I feel like with sales though, you have to like read the person because you might that person might be weirded out by eye contact. So you kind of got it like you’re playing this chess game, right? So I get it. I totally get it.
the last thing I think about that episode we talked about the flag in church. I finally have knelt to ban of my one you over won me over. I’ve changed so much since we started this podcast. That’s, that’s so evident when we listen to old episodes, which we’re not going to do today, because it’s not a personal format. It’s kind of a personal format. But now, I just feel like I’ve really changed the way I think about a lot of things. And, you know, the friends friends influence you. I mean, we’re sure they do it. There’s, there’s, there’s no way around it. So I think it’s odd. Honestly, now, if I really think about it to be focused on patriotism in the Christian church.
Yeah, I just, I struggle with that. Because I think Mike brought it up. He was talking about other countries. Like if you go to Mexico, do they have a Mexican flag in the church? Yeah. No. And it’s just a weird concept that I’ve never been comfortable with. So that was definitely I might have I don’t know if I stood up and like cheered, but I definitely in my seat was like, just pump. Yeah, one of them over.
Yeah, I’d be curious, our listeners, if you ever have any feedback about that, you can email us at Hello at threads, podcasts or Facebook messages, probably Facebook messages probably quicker and more hip. But yeah, I mean, if what are your guys’s thoughts on that? We would be interested to hear that. So
yes. Does the American flag belong in a church building? Or does the Pledge of Allegiance belong in a worship service
or or a national flag in general, not just America? I think it’s because of America because we live here but Right,
exactly. But well, in addition to hearing from you about the flag in church, we’d also like to hear what you think of our show. And the best way to tell us is, if you like the show, write us a review. The best place to do that is on Apple podcasts. Now, you might be thinking, well, I listened on Spotify, or I listen on Stitcher. That’s cool. All you got to do is Google Search threads, podcast, life unfiltered, and then Apple podcasts, and it will bring it up in the Google results. Or you can go to our website and click the link at the bottom. But the reason we ask for a review on Apple podcasts is that the I guess they carry the most weight in the podcast world. And what does it do for us when you write a review? Well, you’ve all seen Google search results. And and you’ve probably heard how those search results are influenced by various factors. You know, access, so search engine, or SEO, Search Engine Optimization, all that nerdy stuff. The same stuff applies to the podcast world, it looks a little bit different. But for whatever reason, Apple podcasts has become kind of the behemoth and most respected platform in podcasting. So when you write a review on Apple podcasts, it just does things in their system to help bump us up in ratings. And sometimes you can get featured on different, you know, sections of the apple podcast catalog. So you taking a minute to write us a review. Yes, it does great things for our heart, and we love to read new reviews, but it also helps us get the word out about our show. So please, please, please take a moment and review us on Apple podcasts. And if I see your review, come through, I will buy you dinner, or a coffee or something. I was on your review. I was wondering if you’re gonna remember the dinner party. I know Oh, man. So But seriously, yes, we love your feedback, buddy. Huh, equal to that we really benefit from positive reviews on Apple podcast just because of their algorithm and how things work. So leave us a review and we will be forever grateful.
And of course, it makes us feel good, especially when it’s good. I mean, if it’s negative, I mean, honestly, I would I would be okay with some constructive criticism to like, hey, jerks, the sucks. I mean, doesn’t mean we’ll change it, but at least that lets us reflect on Oh, maybe we should, you know, change things up. Which, speaking of Mike and I talked about the current event thing and he’s like passionate about hating hating the current events. And he’s like, I want to just hear real talk from you guys. I don’t care about your current events. I was like, I’m really surprised by that. But we did do a survey and that was the majority of the feedback. People didn’t like the current events. But
yeah, which was interesting, because I felt like we were talking about things that mattered and I wanted my voice to be heard on these things, but
apparently didn’t apparently that you need You go to Facebook for that. Now, Ben, you can’t do it on your own podcast. No kidding. So before we jump into the show, we’re doing the topic or bucket of uncomfortable conversations. How is everyone showing up? Everyone? How are you showing up tonight? Ben, let’s, let’s hear how you’re feeling. How was your week, we did change schedules, we are now recording on Sundays for the week for the summer, just to free up our Fridays and Saturday nights. Because as Ben and I are both vaccinated, and our wives are vaccinated, and hopefully they open it up to the teenagers. So they’ll be vaccinated, we’re, we’re gonna start doing more things. So for sure, how was your week,
my week was good. Um, it kind of, I don’t know, I want to say it flew by. But I don’t know that it really did. I just feel like I had an awareness this week, this past week that maybe I didn’t have in previous weeks, having some really good conversations with my therapist around anxiety. And I think we’ve moved on from talking about how much anxiety sucks, and why I don’t like it and how it impacts my life. Now, it’s like, we’ve gone to level two, and one of the things that he challenged me to do is, then when you feel anxious, I want you to think about is there another person involved? that’s causing me to feel anxious? And then if there is a person that’s involved, I want you to think about, have they done something to upset me. And he said, Ben, one thing that I’m noticing about you, I’m not sure if he said this part, but I kind of interpret it that way. But from our conversations, when I talk about my most anxious moments, they almost always have to do with somebody else. Take HR conversation, for example. And I got anxious because HR wanted to talk and do their 30 day check in. And that actually ended up being a very positive thing. But I was anxious about somebody else. And so in that instance, I looked at it. Nobody really failed me or didn’t do anything that was more just me misinterpreting how things are going. But it was just such an interesting question. You know, taking it a step beyond, I have anxiety. And this is what it looks like and how it’s showing up. But looking into kind of the deeper what’s causing it is there somebody else involved. So my week has been kind of marked by that thought process, every time that I was feeling anxious, and there really weren’t many times. That’s what I thought about. And it was just a really good lightbulb moment for me. So overall, it was a good week, good therapy session to kick it off. And I guess the last thing I’ll mention is we’ve been doing this whoop, fitness band and kind of monitoring our numbers. And that’s a win for Jason because he and Mike have been peer pressuring me to get it. But it’s been really fun to keep track of my numbers. And I’ve really been paying attention to my sleep and my recovery, because that has been so out of whack. And it’s been good to kind of get that back under control. So that’s my week.
Yeah. Two things. Yeah, the whoop is amazing when you wear it properly. And habit. As I found out, I had to get a bicep ban because my job is manual in the in the machine bouncing on my wrist was really throwing my my daily strain off. So it measures strain recovery and sleep. But once it is monitoring you it really is interesting, especially after the COVID second vaccine, I noticed my recovery and just being terrible. And it’s like, basically it monitors heart rate. But more than that it’s super data nerd, like you can dive so deep in it. It’s really cool. not cheap. I mean, it’s $30 a month, it’s $1 a day, basically. So the band is free, but it is cool to see. I’m glad you joined so we can kind of all look at each other together. And you know, the other day Mike’s recovery was really low. And he’s like, I’m going to work out. It’s like, dude, you’re going against the whoop, like what’s the point of having it like the whole point of the recovery when it’s in the red is like hey, maybe just take the next day off and then go and he’s like, Nope, not gonna do it. I’m like, Mike, like, do what you want, but you’re literally fighting against the the data. Yeah. And then as far as your anxiety, how did it feel to know that it might not be yourself causing the anxiety like being able to say well, this, now that that person is you knowingly causing you anxiety. But just it’s not yourself that’s creating it did that? Was that like a moment of, of clarity of positive clarity? Or was it? What would you think about that?
I thought it was very encouraging because it just opened my eyes to the fact that I spend a lot of time in my head and analyzing things. And we were talking earlier, just thinking worst case scenarios like that. My anxiety wrapped up in a very neat, succinct nutshell is just always being concerned about the worst. And when I shifted my focus off of just thinking about the worst, too, did somebody do something in this moment that’s causing me anxiety? And am I just somehow taking too much ownership of that and seeing this as my problem, when really, this is likely a problem caused by somebody else? Like it was, it was freeing It was like a burden was kind of lifted off of my shoulders. Maybe not lifted, but I became aware that the burden is from my thought process and how it’s a little bit off.
Yeah, I feel like in everything in life, if we take a beat to reflect on what’s actually happening, it would solve a ton of problems. But instead, like me, you go into your head and analyze, I just react outwardly. And it causes problems. They both cause problems, but mine typically hurt somebody’s feelings. Right? But no, it’s good to hear. My week coming in. Good today. It was a good day. We’re recording on Mother’s Day. We’ll talk about that in a little bit. But it’s been hairy Carrie, as I talked to the beginning of the show, Ben and I recording remote, because my daughter tested positive for COVID-19. Our first positive person in the family. She actually went to an appointment, came back and she’s in track. And they test her every week they tested her came back positive. I got fussy and said, Okay, well, we’re going to get our own test, because I don’t think those tests are legit. Sure, we did go to urgent care or whatever. And they tested her and it did come back positive. So I’m like shit. So she’s positive. She did actually have some symptoms, not very bad, but it was only for a day or two. The real shitty part the real shitty part is like she’ll she has to quarantine for 10 days, so she can go back to school next Friday. But my son’s quarantine doesn’t start until 10 days after hers. So he technically cannot go back to school. until May 24. That’s brutal. So it’s Oh, it’s so weird that I mean, I understand the science and the reasoning behind it. But it’s weird that the person that actually has COVID has less quarantine than the person that doesn’t. Sure, yeah. Um, so we’re gonna get them tested again, and just to see if he got it, then that’s when his time would start. But if we test them, you know, basically, if we test them Thursday, he comes back positive, it’s still gonna be 10 days regardless. But so that’s been a little frustrating. As he is, you know, as listeners know, he’s autistic has an IEP struggles in school academically, he’s more of an academic issue autism more than social. I mean, he is kind of a weirdo kid.
We love him. He’s
quirky, but doesn’t have the weird, weird social anxiety as far as like not wanting to talk to people, but it just sucks because frickin 20 days of lockdown for that poor kid. And no kidding. So Mike and I both work and right now it’s been okay with Megan. And then this week like Meghan and Avi are going to kind of juggle it because he doesn’t need a lot of guidance. He just needs like, Hey, buddy, like, here’s your class. He knows how to get into it. He knows how to do all that. But coming the following week after Avery goes, I’m you know, I may have to stay home a little bit. So that’s caused a little bit of, I don’t know, it’s tough. Like, I only worked from like, April to October, like any time off sucks for me. Yeah, no kidding. Um, so that’s been a little hairy carry, but we’ve we’ve tackled it and it’s gonna be okay. But uh, yeah, it’s just, of course, this happens. I mean, Why couldn’t it happen when I was laid off and doing gig work where I was not, I mean, I don’t get paid, but at least it was like making go to work. I could stay home and I could go work at night. Right when Megan was home, I mean, I only work you know, daylight hours. So yeah, but other than that coming tonight, I’m feeling good. And I’m excited to record as we’ve already recorded 25 minutes and we’re not even in the topic yet.
Typical Ben and I haven’t really talked after like not having the last show together. This is we’re having our own catch up.
Right. This is kind of where we connect as the summer’s opening up and we’re both vaccinated, we’re definitely going to hang out more. But yeah, Ben, this is kind of been the nice, like, happy hour. So,
except we’re both drinking water tonight.
I know I had, I kinda was ate like shit today, drink some beer. And I’m just like, you know what, I was gonna have one more beer with Ben, I’m like, I’m gonna switch to water. I’m feeling a little dehydrated. So. So let’s talk about it. We’re going to talk about some uncomfortable situations, not quite conversations. But the first thing I want to talk about, which can be an issue. for both of us, I’m especially I’m not trying to be like one up you, Ben. But a little bit. You in mind when I wrote this write a little bit more for me, how was your mother’s day, I’ll let you go first. Because I need a drink of water. I’ve been talking for five minutes.
My mother’s day was great. So we in my family, we celebrate my mother. And for Andy, we do not do anything with her biological family. However, there is a family that has essentially adopted her. And I mentioned them before, but just a fantastic family that grew up going to the same church as Andy. They really kind of just took her under their wing unofficially. And all these years later. We see them as our kids, grandparents. They’ve been very good to us. So we got to shop for Eric and Janine. And then we also got to shop for my mom. And that was fun last night. Yeah, we were last minute Mother’s Day shoppers. But that’s okay. It was just nice to be able to leave the kids at home and go and focus on doing something for our moms. And that was a new thing this year. And also when the kids shopped for Andy. They went into the stores on their own. And I gave them my debit card and gave them a budget. And they rocked it like both of them. So this year has been really good Mother’s Day. In the past Mother’s Day have been awful. As parents have adopted kids, they have biological mothers that they don’t see anymore, for various reasons. Biological mothers who came to a point in their life where they both acknowledged, I can’t do this and had their rights to their children terminated. So Mother’s Day can be a very painful day. However, this year. It’s 739. And we’ve made it the entire day without a blow up. So that’s been awesome. Just a big shift from years past. Things are good. So you know, it wasn’t like this epic. Mother’s Day was amazing. But it was just good. Like it was calm.
Yes. To me, that’s a win, like the calm not dysfunction. Not this just general dysfunction, regardless of family is a win. Like it doesn’t have to be this amazing thing, right? Like just thoughtfulness around it. And you know, with miracle I mean, it’s, it’s relatively new. Having Andy as her mom, so it can be a little weird for her, I’m sure. And I’m happy to hear that everything went well isn’t amazing. When your kids get older, like, yes, the emotional part gets harder with your kids. But as far as like actual tasks and stuff,
yeah, so much easier. And they have a brain and they can think about what they want to get for their mom. And it’s not me trying to facilitate. I just remembering years past with miracle being new to our family. This is probably the worst place to take her. Because they have so much stuff everywhere. But I would just take her to Meijer, and we’d go look for Mother’s Day gift for Andy and that was just so overwhelming for her. She was just like, I don’t know what together. So yeah, this year was just phenomenal. They’re older, they’re both in a much better place mentally, just in life in general. I feel like after, you know, a couple of rough years of of miracle joining our family and I have no regrets about that, by the way, but it was just it was rough. Ya know, you add a you had an eight year old child to the mix. And, you know, four years later, things are finally settling down and we’re kind of hitting our groove as a family and life is pretty good. Yeah, it
makes sense. Like especially early on with miracle like, I don’t even know Andy like, What? What am I gonna buy her? You know, what is she into? You know what I mean? And
while she did know, Andy, in a completely different realm, like Andy was one of her social workers. Yeah. So. So to go from, here’s this lady who sometimes comes to my house to, oh, she and her crazy husband guy are adopting me. Like it. That’s really almost how she describes it. It was, it was very life altering, not just for us, but for her. Yeah, I can imagine, I totally can imagine. So I just celebrated a good call Mother’s Day.
Very good to hear. I’m very, very happy to hear that the less miracle stories, the better. I know, it sounds weird. But again, if you listen to our older shows, you know, it’s, it’s been a grind, and we’ve been podcasting. It’ll be three years in June. So I mean, there’s so much growth on all aspects of our family. But my mother’s day, as far as my nuclear family was amazing. famiy I said, famiy. family was amazing. You don’t need the podcast or can’t say words correctly. It was great. I decided this year to be while we bought gifts and everything to be a more a thoughtful husband and family. And I told Megan that we were just going to make all the food. Like, we asked her exactly what she wanted. And we were going to make all the food and while it didn’t go 100% amazing. It you know, close to pretty good. It was just good. Meghan was just so excited for the actual thoughtfulness of me bringing that up. Like she didn’t ask me to do it. Like he didn’t ask me to do and I was like, You know what, this is something that I know. She would love a great break from cooking while she loves to cook the planning can get overwhelming. Oh, for sure. Like what do you want? You know, sometimes you’re just like pulling your hair out. And then the kids complain about everything per typical, right? And that’s frustrating as whether male or female, the cook in the family when people are bitching about what you bring them so I decided to do that and made her an omelette which went okay, never done that in my life. I was telling Ben Bree show. The one thing she did bring it up. She wanted mushrooms, spinach and Swiss cheese and I’m getting ready and she’s like, okay, I don’t want to interject. But did you know you have to cook the mushrooms before you put them in the omelet? I said I did not. I appreciate you bringing that up. No kidding. Because raw onions coal or I guess they wouldn’t be cold. But they’d be lukewarm are kind of gross. I guess. So. I appreciate her telling me that but no. As far as like my extended family, obviously, but the my mom, you know, cutting off communication. And then my mom being Alzheimers dementia. And
it’s just holidays
are just weird for me in general. Yeah, I can imagine. And I’m sure they are for Andy to kind of the same thing. Just every time a holiday comes around whether you had a traumatic event on that holiday or not. It’s still just like, just makes you a little anxious in general. Yeah. And I didn’t feel a ton of that today. I mean, it it, it was helpful that we cut off communication with my dad. So Megan didn’t get a text from him. But it’s just, you know, it’s just kind of you. And I’m so glad I’ve had sounds weird, but and I still have guilt about it. Don’t get me wrong, like you can ask me any given day, I think about my extended family every day. I just feel I it’s just feels good not to have to deal with them.
That’s fair. Yeah, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I mean, as one who sees it from my wife’s perspective, as you mentioned, you know, it makes sense. It sucks that cutting them off is the best option, you know, but but you got to do what’s right for you and your nuclear family now. I mean, that’s your top priority
it is and why I still feel guilt about doing that like protecting my nucular family and basically saying, I want I don’t want them to be asked up like yeah, I make mistakes with them. They’re probably gonna have a little bit of therapy Of course, like I’m not perfect and I I hang my hat on that I’m doing the best I can I don’t beat myself up too much about it, but me interjecting my kids into that insanity which we’ve done. We did for years and years. I’m like, this is causing more of an issue like notice this kind of shit me popping off it every once a while or being you know, maybe saying something that wasn’t quite appropriate, yet sucks but I’m not like screaming at them. They’re not watching actual violence, which has occurred with my sisters and I you know those kinds of things so, but all in all, I think it was a good Mother’s Day I honestly think is one of the best that we’ve had in that I can remember not that they’ve all been bad but I, I have trouble patting myself on the back, but I felt like I did a good job. I felt like it was really good for me because Megan always just wants thoughtfulness. Yeah, we got her a gift and that’s great and all but the the actually me just taking the bull by the horns and say no, this is what we’re gonna do for mom. She’s not gonna lift a finger today. And that’s really that’s all a parent was like me on Father’s Day. I don’t want to do that. I thrive on buisiness and stuff. I don’t want to just sit down like, I’ll probably mow the lawn. I’ll probably plant flowers. I don’t know what I’ll do. But it doesn’t mean as much to me. But But no, it was good. I really. I really enjoyed the time today. So
that’s awesome. So you mentioned making an omelet. So this morning, we went to the 11 o’clock service for church, and it’s outside and it was so cold by the way. That’s a different story. But before church before we’re even out of bed, miracle came downstairs and started making breakfast for end. Like, I didn’t even know she was gonna do that. So Amy, and I wake up around nine, can we No, we went to bed late. But so we wake up around nine and we’re like, Who’s cooking like smelling? And I was like, I know nothing about this. I’m not sure who it is. I’m guessing it’s probably a miracle. So I collect myself and stumble out into the kitchen and sure enough miracles cooking up breakfast for mom brought it to her in bed and omelet and then she used the super fancy I forget the name Vitamix mixer to make a mocha frappuccino type thing. I know it was actually really good. I had the leftovers. And it’s like, wait, you did all this, like, Who are you? Well, I mean, just again, just the stark contrast from where she was a year ago. It’s just incredible.
Yeah, that’s amazing that nothing makes a parent or a dad proud when you’re like when kit your kids take initiative, whether it be Mother’s Day or whatever, you know, like they get up and do the dishes without you asking. You’re like, right, sweet Jesus, she’s got COVID.
Nice. Well, I can only imagine how difficult or perplexing Mother’s Day can be for you coming from your family situation. And something that’s kind of come up alongside that. I mean, as if growing up in an abusive home wasn’t enough. You find out 40 plus years later that you’re the guy that you’ve known as dad is not actually your biological dad. How are you doing with all that?
Yeah, it’s such an uncomfortable situation. As far as any kind of new deets, I have none. I did fill out a 23andme, which my sister think she’s found her her biological dad, he’s doing a 23andme to he wasn’t quite comfortable submitting to a legit paternity test, which I get. I mean, the 23andme will tell you like if if that guy’s her dad, it’s, it’s gonna be pretty obvious. So I did the ancestry DNA really didn’t get much a couple aunts but nothing I have, like, you know, it was like, one cousin. And two aunts that I already know are like on my mom’s side, and then a bunch of like, third and fourth cousins. I didn’t know but I’m like, that’s not that’s too far away. Right? No kid can make a connection. So I did the 23andme results end of the month, and then nobody did one too. So that’d be interesting. He’s probably like, Oh shit, I better check this shit out to maybe my is my dad, my dad or my you know, I mean, that’s the thing with the mom, the mom, the mom like, yeah, you came out of there. Like it’s the dad that’s always in question. So So yeah, nothing’s really new. My sister. I we had talked about the boundary with her. That’s been going well, it’s actually made me want to check in more with her because I’m actually feeling like, Hey, how you doing? Like, how’s the week just kind of, and curious to know what she has found out. But one thing that’s very interesting, and I may have brought it up in the show, and I guess you can stop me if I didn’t, but my sister originally found that she thought that there was her dad was an upright prosecutor for Ken County. And that got ruled out. And then it was another guy, one of the other brothers. So it’s It’s in the same family because it matched on 23andme. But they kind of figured out it wasn’t I don’t know how I didn’t really ask her But yeah, this this family had like six brothers so so obviously the the DNA met I don’t know, I don’t know how she came to this, but the guy that she thinks it is now is a UPS driver. And she’s actually kind of bummed about it. I know, right? Like, and that really bummed me out. Like, I’m a laborer like you, by the way ups guys at that age. make six figures, y’all. I’m sure. I mean, it ain’t. It’s a hard job and they make damn good money. So it was just kind of interesting. I could hear her sadness in her voice about that this guy just, you know, he she said something like, yeah, mom was drinking the UPS guy. You know, and I’m just like, oh, what’s wrong with the UPS driver? Like he makes more money than I do? Like? I don’t know, to me. I just it. She’s not really. What’s the word? not selfish or shallow. I don’t see her as a shallow. She’s a real deep thinker. So maybe that’s why I don’t know. But I thought that was interesting. But yeah, so we’re just kind of in a holding pattern. I’m just kind of doing it just to kind of learn some stuff. I’m not really craving craving. I’m struggling with euphemisms. Now. That’s not even the right word. I’m struggling with words tonight. Typical, but I’m not really craving to know. But if it if I do find out I will be I would, I would love to reach out like, Hey, I’m, I’m your son. Nice to meet you. Like, I don’t want anything from you. But just to let you know that I’m your son. So
yeah, so did that experience or knowing now what you know about your mom and or her? Wow,
I’m struggling. We almost
Guardian slip man. But, but seriously, this year being the first Mother’s Day since you found all that out? I’m just curious, did Mother’s Day sit different knowing that she had multiple sexual partners when you were young? I
don’t think the day itself felt different. I feel like I didn’t even know my family. Like, just in general thinking about it. I’m like, Who were these people? Like? I mean, I know what my mom was messed up. But in my head, like, you know, she brought my dad to church, like she was the religious one. Like it just it kind of just blows my mind. Like, how mentally unstable we were. She was I mean, in my opinion, is that she was worried that my dad was gonna leave her because I my opinion is my dad couldn’t have kids and she wanted kids so she was gonna do whatever she could to have kids. My guess is I don’t think she was addicted to sex or that sex swinging rumor that was going around? I don’t know. I don’t know if I believe that. I feel like it was her mental health that was causing that caused those, you know, quote, unquote, issues but but no, I didn’t really change the thought on Mother’s Day. I’ve always kind of had a disdain for her. Obviously, she was my abuser. So it’s just daily I think about like, a fly on that wall back then. Like what was actually going on with her is just, it’s it’s weird, because like, I’ve never lived my life that way. Like, I can’t imagine just being like, sleeping with multiple people. But being without being married. I it’s, it’s hard for me to think that way. But being married. No kidding,
man. So what’s interesting to me is back on episode number one, we recap this recently, you were talking about your mom in very different terms and like, not that it was Pollyanna sounding, but it wasn’t actually true. Would you agree with that? Yeah,
I would. And when I listened back to it, I actually cringed a little bit of some of the words I said in regards to it was good to see her like, was it good to see her you know, because I think we were kind of recapping like a birthday party at the assisted living Homer. Yes. Yep. So yeah, I mean, like I said to Ben, and maybe I’ve talked about there always is a little showmanship with threads as we are unfiltered, and it was so new. I’m not sure listeners would be like, I’m not gonna pour my heart and soul out in episode one or two or even 20. But yeah, I would say a lot of that stuff. I thought it was probably a straight up lie. Hmm. What I feel bad about because we’re threads podcast lifeand tilter but I’m sure you’ve done it too.
You know, I’m, I’m not trying to make myself sound perfect, but I’m struggling to think of a time where I did that. I can’t either like, I feel like my fault is sometimes I overshare. And this is something that we’ll get to in a little bit, but I think sometimes I say too much. And then I can’t take those words back, and they’re out there. And sometimes it’s uncomfortable, or, like, Oh, I almost feel like a hangover from thread sometimes, because it’s like, dang, did I really just talk about all of that? My natural inclination is to not do this. I mean, one time after recording, Jason was like, you talk about mental health, and you talk about going to see your therapist, but you don’t really talk about it. Like, I don’t know what the details are. Yeah,
that’s the one thing I’ve always struggled with you as you say that you’re an oversharer. I don’t feel like you share enough. And so that’s, that was always frustrating to me. I don’t I don’t see you as an overshare on the show. And maybe I’m wrong. But that’s just my perspective. It may feel like that for you. Because you don’t walk around telling people that like on the street, or maybe a friend or an acquaintance you don’t so tactically for you as an overshare. which, to me, I feel like I mean, you must look at me and go Judas Priest, like, You’re nothing in your closet. And I haven’t. And I’m, you know, there’s days that I’m envious of you for that. Yeah, I mean, I will say I haven’t shared everything on the show, but I’ve shared pretty much all of it.
Yeah. And and I just, I think that’s awesome. But I’m not there. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to that point where I fully aired everything on the air. See what I did there?
And I don’t think you need to I mean, it’s personal preference. You’re still yourself, right? I mean, I again, I feel like you’ve opened up more on this show than anywhere else, other than your therapist, of course. And your wife, of course. But I mean, like other than those two people, this is the most you’ve ever shared, where most of the stuff I’m talking about. I’ve told lots of people. But I’ve also had a length of time to kind of do that. True, true, but But yeah, as far as like, I think we were pretty filtered. I’m so anxious to listen to more episodes. I know how it progresses and those kinds of things. So if you enjoy the, the episodes, I know we’ve had more downloads and I’m what Ben and I have listened to it. So it’s cool. Some people must be listening to it. love your feedback on that, you know, you can Facebook message us or email us Hello at threads, podcast, love to hear about what you guys thought about the show. And the audio has definitely improved. I mean, we played it on the show, like when Mike and I record it like you can definitely tell the difference, which is, which is good to hear that we’re making progress. And in that realm is too. So another kind of thing that embed put this in here. So I’m hoping he’ll be able to start us off in that. It’s just the mic Jason and Ben friendship dynamic. And I do have one point around that that, but I’d like to hear your thoughts on that.
I think I can guess what your point is. Okay. And I think that is I talk in that group chat far more than I talk to you in telegram. No, that wasn’t my point. Okay, well, I’ve been thinking about that. And maybe that’s been giving me anxiety. I’m not sure I’ll unpack that with my therapist tomorrow. But the whole relationship dynamic. It has been weird. It was really weird in the beginning, but I think we’re figuring it out and we’re making it work. But So Mike is this guy who three years ago, we were acquaintances we happen to go to Cornerstone at the same time happened to have some classes together. And I happened to have this random memory of Mike coming to class with just super bloodshot eyes and I was thinking in the back of my mind. You have a good night last night partying or what what what’s up with that this quiet shy kids got these bloodshot eyes. That’s just one of the many stories Mike and I have recounted. So it’s like, in walks Mike. And it’s because of me because of threads because on episode one or two, we talked about the social media game and he was the person that popped up on my feed, and I talked about his post and then I told him about it. So it’s like this rekindling of a friendship that wasn’t super strong to begin with. But even though it was wasn’t super strong, I almost felt like Jason was somehow taking that from me maybe. I tend to be possessive not of objects or material things. But I’ll be the first to admit I can be possessive with relationships. I did not have many friends as a kid, and elementary and middle school. And I think that’s kind of why I’m that way. But for example, I don’t really have another friend outside of Mike and Jason that I can just be straight up, open and honest with. And so I’m kind of possessive with that type of relationship. And I hold it close to the belt, then, when I now feel like I’m sharing a relationship with somebody, it’s like, this is really weird. But again, Mike and Jason and I have kind of seem to have hit a rhythm lately. And it’s beneficial on both ends. And I talk with the three of them. Well, three of us. Yeah, because there’s two of them, you know, math. So I talked with the with all three of us throughout the day. And but I also have conversations with Jason, independent of Mike and conversations with Mike too. And it’s like, okay, we really can make this work. It’s not so bad. Again, worst case scenario is the first place My mind goes, thanks to anxiety. But no, I’m, I’m encouraged, I would say as of late with where things stand. But I am curious to hear the one piece of feedback that you have.
While in regards to you’re worried that you haven’t messaged me, but yet you didn’t do it. Like you have anxiety that you haven’t private Lee messaged me enough, but you still didn’t do it. So like you created your own anxiety around that realize my life. I did notice that you hadn’t but but I probably haven’t either. If I had to look back this week, but no one thing that came up and the kayaking, so you wanted to go kayak with all three of us. And, and you guys are making the plan. And then Mike asked me and I said nope. And and so then nothing was said. And then Mike and I kind of messaged on the back end. I’m like, are you guys going kayaking? He’s like, No, I don’t think he doesn’t. I don’t think he wants to go without you. And I’m like, well, that’s dumb, because Ben and I are going to do stuff together. And you and I are gonna do stuff together. So I was like, Did he tell you he didn’t want to go without me? And I was like, he goes, No, he just didn’t bring it up. I’m like, okay, so you’re like creating that scenario, which was kind of weird. But you know, we all do weird stuff. So it’s not that big of a deal. But so I’m curious as like, this is where we air out our friendship. Full pause is, was that part of the deal? No, I
just, you didn’t seem interested. And I just didn’t push the issue beyond that. Why wouldn’t you want to go with Mike because Mike was up for it. Uh, cuz in my mind, I just had the picture of it being the three of us. So I was like, Okay, well, we’ll do it another time.
Yeah. So he kind of did create a scenario where you just kind of dropped it off which I can see where he would get that that you want to go with all three of us and, you know, being recording on the air right now. I’m just saying like, it’s going to happen, you know, Mike and I did the stairs together and like it’s going to happen that we’re going to do things separate. And I think it’s just kind of one of those things, but I just was curious about that because I’m like don’t don’t not do fun stuff. I’m not going kayaking 50 degrees. You already bitched about how cold it was at church, but he put me in a kayak on water though. I have to wear a winter frickin coat. kayak to me is like barefoot. If I get a little water on me, it probably feels great. You know, I’m not a I’m not a hardcore kayaker that it’ll go in the winter like you but so that’s why I didn’t want to go plus I worked all day and yeah, I had shit to do right now. Yeah, to mow the lawn and get prep food for Mother’s Day. So
I just didn’t know how serious we were like I was talking about it on a surface level of Yeah, that’d be kind of fun. I didn’t know how committed to the idea. Mike was so well you out. So I was like, Well, whatever you got to
know with Mike. Like if he puts it in the chat that he wants to go. He’s committed that dude, that’s true. I mean, look at tough monitor. Yeah, like there was no like, let me think about it. The only thing I had to kind of browbeat him is to do the full full month full full monitor, the full tough monitor which we did sign up for the full one. But he I think if he says let’s go It is 100% concrete. I feel like he should have brought it up if you really want it to go, but whatever it is what it is. So I was just curious about that. But in general, I agree with you. I think, you know, we’re working things out and I’m so glad it really actually warmed my heart that you’ve that you can be blunt and show your What is it show your show your colors. I don’t know. This is gonna label this episode Jason doesn’t know words. Juicy beer Do you have today? I only had to like I’m not even buzz because I had like, giant steaks that I cooked on the grill. But no, I just it warms my heart that you feel comfortable. Like, and I know you I know that I I, I thrive on acts of service. So like, if you ever or Mike or anyone listening like it would warm my heart that you would reach out to me and say like, I am just feeling like shit, I just need a place to vent. And that’s like, that makes me feel so good. Even if I even if you don’t want to unsolicited advice. It always makes me feel good that someone can depend on me and I can be helpful whether it be with words or just being there. So but I do feel like things are going better. I think we just all need to be honest with each other and and I think this could be a good thing. I think Mike’s a good guy. And yeah, I’m it’s so interesting, as you heard on the show, if you haven’t listened the old episode, how you guys like, you guys are so much alike as far as like, you know, adoption and like he had no one to go through it. And you didn’t have anyone to go through it other than like any being involved in social work with that. But I’m like God, it was meant to be like he we got mentioned on episode one like this is like, this is where I feel like God did have a plan for a lot of this stuff.
Absolutely 100%. One thing that Mike has always said, and I’ve kind of had a hard time seeing it this way. But the more I think about it, the more I realize he’s right. He has said that threads podcast is like a ministry. And I’m like, Yeah, I don’t know if I would term it that he’s like, Well, no, think about it. It’s like you are creating a space to have deep meaningful conversations with people. You and Jason are both Christians and operate from a very authentic faith. He’s like you’re working things out. He’s like, this is definitely a ministry and it may not be a church or have a label of ministry. He’s like, but you’re doing God’s work when you do stuff like this was like, well, with Pastor Mike said, So then, I guess so. But the more I think about it, even though that’s not necessarily what I want this to be like I don’t want for all you listeners out there. This is not going to become a church podcast strictly. But we are people of faith. And I think as we’re living unfiltered, and that’s we’re talking about the hard things in life, our faith informs us and that’s okay.
Yeah, he makes a good point. You know, I hate the word witness. Like, I don’t hate the word but when someone you know, a faith is like, you need to witness it. Other people. I’m like, yeah, running up to you, like a Jehovah Witness is clearly doesn’t work. Because Yeah, I mean, you know, it’s, it sucks. It’s, it’s awkward. No one wants to hear the Word of God that way. But being a nice person, you don’t need to be religious to be a nice person. I’m just saying, acting in a way that what would Jesus do? I know, that was such a trend for a while. But it really does make sense like trying to talk and act and do what what God would do is is a way of witnessing to, to other people and us creating a space where we can talk about the dirty, nasty, gross shit that happens in our lives that no one else wants to talk about. Is is helpful. And I feel it is a form of witnessing. So I would, I would definitely. You know, I would definitely make sure or agree with Mike about that. But yes, this will definitely not be a church podcast. No, I have to help it. I will fire Ben and get a new co host.
And it won’t be Pastor Mike. But no. So the last thing that we want to talk about in this litany of uncomfortable things, which by the way, talking about uncomfortable things, it’s become comfortable for me. The stuff that I go through is not is not comfortable at all like but sitting down and talking about it and hashing it out like it doesn’t feel uncomfortable. So I guess where I’m going with that is for our listeners out there, talk about the stuff that’s uncomfortable and you’ll find that it’s not so bad and it can help you, you know, get ideas of how to handle things. So that’s my hope for our listeners after listening to the show is that you have similar conversations about the uncomfortable stuff in your life. So wrap it up, Jason and I each picked a uncomfortable situation, maybe something that is I keep using the word uncomfortable, but it’s the only one I got.
Well, it is
awkward. Like what makes you feel awkward and uncomfortable? I will let Jason go first. Well, interesting enough, my
topic was talking to your kids about sex. But I actually weirdly am not uncomfortable about that. I would say my spouse, my beautiful wife is. And it’s come to fruition that that is the issue. And as it my daughter, my beautiful daughter Avery is 13 and very wise to the world and has access to internet now and the phone and we have stuff in place to help slow the roll with that. I mean, it’s if she really wants to find it, she can figure out a way it’s time to do the birds and the bees, right. Like I did it with no tea. And that actually was more awkward because I hadn’t really done therapy and I was still a little just a bundle of shit in my head. And, and we did it. I mean, I did it. We actually went for like this long walk, we only lived in Byron center in the country, and we walked down this long road of farm land, and it was fine. It was it was okay. But I was probably more angsty about it then. But as I look at the way I grew up, and what happened to my sisters and and those kinds of things. I I mean, I’m like I’m in I’ll talk about it, I don’t even care. I it does not bother me at all. And it bothers vegan then every like week or two. I’m like, Hey, you know, if you need to read a book about it, or whatever, like you need to do it. If you don’t want to do it, I will do it. And it’s weird for me to say that I wonder if people listen and go That’s weird. And it’s just because I want her to be protected. I we’re kind of liberal when it comes to that, like, Hey, if you’re gonna have sex, like, Look, it’s sex to be should be between a married family or married couple like we prefer you wait, but we’re not gonna disown you if you do, but like, these are the consequences and like, are you going to talk about like, the actual action of like, yeah, I am like, She’s like, Oh, that’s so weird. I’m like, it shouldn’t be though, right? And in our home, we use the the penis and vagina like we use all the regular terms, you know, and it’s okay, we joke about stuff like, you know, like, one time Sally. He’ll never forget this. And I don’t know how it came. But he drew, he was dry drawing like, we were playing cards, and he likes to draw and he drew a king card, but then it looked like a penis. And I was like that. I was like, that looks like a penis King. And forever that will be known as like penis King card. It was a king card. But it was And so yeah, we talked about that stuff. So it’s it’s not weird when we go around. And of course when I bring it up that kind of self Avery gets all embarrassed and seven I fully expect her to that’s that’s natural. But yeah, it’s what is it about? Sex in America, or sex in general, that’s so uncomfortable to talk about, which is, it’s such like a huge part of our lives. That’s how we procreate, and it’s special with someone that you love. But yet, we’re not going to tell our kids so like, you know what happened with me. I was exposed to pornography at a really, really young age, and probably learned about I mean, no one talked to me about sex. There wasn’t sex other than school. I went to Christian school. I mean, they do now but they didn’t back then. So yeah, it’s just weird. What are your thoughts on that, as far as you know, having a daughter and a son and
yeah, those kind of things. For us, we don’t really buy into the idea of just a one and done conversation, right? Let’s go do the birds and the bees talk. We find ways to bring it up in everyday life so that it’s not this awkward thing. And that it’s not some, you know, something to get so anxious and worked up about just make it a part of conversation. So we start young with our kids. Both of them have both of them are very wise to the world of how things work. Right. And that’s because we’ve been pretty unfiltered with them and have those conversations. I will say that I think it is a little bit easier for us because there’s not that awkward element of Oh, by the way, me and mom had sex and poof we had you. I think that does add a layer of of awkwardness to it. Yeah, without It’s a little bit easier to tackle the subject. So I think that helps. But then also just, we just kind of approach it with the mentality that, as you said, this is just everyday stuff. Why do we need to make this such a big thing? Let’s just having a normal conversation, just like we would have conversation about the weather or anything else going on in life, as the opportunities present themselves. We have moments to talk about stuff with our kids. Well, far less awkward.
Yeah, well, two questions, one or two points. One, I think you have to have the initial birds and the bees. And then after that, it can come up in conversation. And my second thing is, when does that kind of stuff come up in conversation? I’m curious, because it’s literally never come up in conversation at our house. Like, I don’t know how that would just other than like, maybe seeing a sex scene and movies, but we don’t watch any thing that would have that. I just curious on that.
Yeah, well, certain things happen when you’re a boy going through the changes, you know?
Yeah, I can see that. I haven’t hit that. I mean, I did with nulty. But you know, with CO parenting, he was at his mom’s mostly right mind, so.
So just, you know, briefing him that that’s probably gonna happen, for whatever reason, and this is probably getting into the overshare realm. But we’ll get to in a minute, but conversations about pubic hair, which just happen at random times, and I won’t, I won’t go into details, but one of my kids was just so proud of. And they brought it up, which is pretty natural way to say yeah, and here’s some of the other things that you can expect to start happening. Okay, I can see that following their lead a little bit. And because it does come up naturally, kids have a lot of questions. And I think just creating a space where they’re comfortable to ask those questions, is more of my focus. Compared to, you know, just this forced idea of, we’re going to have this conversation. Yeah, I think is important to have a comprehensive overview conversation. 100%
Yeah. And I think you brought up a good point of creating a space. Like we talked about creating a space about authentic conversations, that it’s having that good home life already, so that they feel like, you know, if something did happen to them, they would like I feel at this point, like my daughter keeps stuff close to the chest, and she’s not very touchy feely, as far as like giving hugs. And like when she randomly comes, gives me a hug. Like, that’s, like huge for me, because I don’t force myself to give her hugs. I just don’t, because I know she’s kind of not weirded out. But you
know, people are
like that, like, it’s just, it’s okay. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with that. But I feel like if something did happen to her, she would immediately come to us, I feel at this point. So we’ve created that space for it, but But yeah, so we’ll see what happens. I’ll report back at least once a week I randomly email Meg’s work email I’m like hey, you probably should talk to Avery about sacks and like see
her working Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it could be monitored for all you know, so what we’re they’re gonna be like,
Oh my gosh, like these parents are great. They’re like initiating conversation and then we before we go on to yours I yours I have to bring back that something has always bothered me about the school is as now they are teaching such as sex education. Why are schools teaching finance like no one ever taught me about finance to like how to save money, guys, porn, mutual funds, like that should
be a mandatory
I feel like there’s like some government thing that they’re not doing that because they want and like a conspiracy theory, because they want Americans to be in debt or something. But like, I feel like every student in high school, maybe right around where they be getting a job. He needs at least a full semester and doesn’t need to be a year, a full semester of Finance. Maybe they have it now. I don’t know. I don’t think so. But who knows? economics? Yeah, but that’s more of like, you know, talking about the United States of their, their what an EP Yes, exactly. I mean, I need a basic of this is a checkbook, okay. We don’t write a check of any marks we have online, so it automatically has your fresh balance those kinds of things. And like, Hey, did you know at 18 if you put $5 a week in a mutual fund, you could have a million dollars by the time you retire from $5 a week, right? So no one taught me that shit. So now we’re scrambling to frickin pound money away. But anyways, that’s just my I would agree. I think that’s an important topic that needs to be more are prevalent in school.
Yes. And Fun fact, sheltered Ben moment. During the scheduled sex ed at school, my parents had me removed from the classroom, because they did not want Planned Parenthood and other liberal ideas to be communicated into my precious little head. So I was the only one in the classroom who my parents had opted out of the sex ed. And so instead, I did a unit irony of ironies, I laugh every time I say this, because it’s so funny. I did a series on rocks. I’m, I am flabbergasted how I studied rocks, while the rest of my class was learning how to get the rocks off. Whoa. Exactly. Oh, my God. Just a little tidbit from my history of being sheltered.
I feel so sorry for you, because you were the only kid. So not only did you not get the education, you got labeled as the kid that? I mean, I was crazy religious pair. Come on. Marian, Dan, what are we doing here? Like, I bet they reflect back on that. And they probably think it was probably not, but I mean, maybe not. Who knows? I mean, it’s there. Right? I you know, that’s
that I just can’t imagine doing that to Stefan this year. Like That was my freshman year,
I was already new to the school. Right? Because you went to public in the high school, right? Yeah. Yeah. So here’s the question, did they talk to you about sex at home, then
it was more of a one and done conversation more. Like I had a, I had anger issues during my adolescence, like, they were pretty bad. I probably should have seen a therapist, but I didn’t. But I was just get super angry and run off, away from the house into the woods. Sometimes I would just hop on my bike and just go for a really long ride. And it was in that phase where my dad was like, part of the reason why you’re having all these anger is your body’s changing and blah, blah, blah. And it was like, that was it. So it wasn’t, you know, an ongoing conversation. It was very brief and stuff I already knew.
I said I was I thought maybe you would say they just talked about abstinence the whole time. And well, that was certainly a topic I’m sure. But before we get you disowned from the family, let’s move on to your topic. And then we’ll wrap it up. Well, it’s
funny you say that, because that’s what I’m always worried about when I talk on on on this podcast, or any other podcast. But I was recently on the podcast of a previous guest of ours. He started his own show. And I I don’t know what got into me, but I just opened up and talked about almost everything, like childhood. Growing up in a toxic church environment. It’s like everything that I’ve talked with my therapist, not everything, but a lot of stuff that I’ve talked about through therapy. I was now airing on this podcast of guy who you came on my show once and and at the end, he was like, thank you so much for your transparency. That was such a gift. And I was like, Oh, no problem. Not really thinking about it. But then the episode released and I’m listening to it. I’m like, Oh, shit died. I said, All right. What if people listened to that? Well, wait a minute. Did you say stuff on that show that you haven’t said on this show? I think I spoke a little bit more specifically to it more frankly. Yeah, more Frankly, I don’t think it’s anything I didn’t mention here. It’s just the spotlight was on me and I had the opportunity to tell every aspect of my story. So I did. And then afterwards, I kind of have this lingering thought of who maybe I said too much like, I can’t take any of that back. It’s out there for the world to hear.
Well, I think there’s some awesomeness. I’ll call it a being on someone else’s show and being knowing that you’ll share the show, but the chances of like someone listening, I don’t know. You just feel more comfortable. Just letting it wrap right like this is. Yeah, and I’ll listen to that show. Did you share that link on Facebook? Perhaps Ben? No. I think you should tag your parents in it. No, oh, no. Yeah, no, no. I mean, I think I think it’s good that you did that. I know you felt a little anxious after it, but maybe it was some time to process you feel better. But yeah, I mean, I can. I don’t know. I don’t look at it like, I guess I could. I could look at that as like an uncomfortable thing, but I don’t look at it as a bad thing.
Yeah, I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just uncomfortable. Honestly, it’s makes me want to listen to the episode. Go check it out. I mean, I guess the biggest thing is, I’m not sure if my parents listened to this show to begin with.
Yeah, the chances are probably slim. Yeah. I’m sure your mom has listened to episodes. I’m pretty positive. I know. My mother hasn’t. And I’m pretty 100% sure my dad hasn’t, right. I can’t be Oh, yeah.
There’s always growing up in the home where I did where we just didn’t talk about much. The thought of them hearing some of what I’ve said on this show does make me very uncomfortable. So,
but it’s not bad. Like you said, it’s just uncomfortable. Right? And that’s the whole point of bringing it up on this episode. Exactly. So well, good. I am going to listen that episode or after you’re done record. No, I won’t. I’ll download your takeaway. I’d be curious. But um, as we’re wrapping up tonight, we each kind of try to share a takeaway as Mike and I talked about he hated it too, because it was like on the spot. But I should know better. Because I know that’s ending the show. And I still always struggle with that. But my takeaway Actually, today is is how the conversation around sex in your family is seems pretty comfortable. Because, you know, we call you sheltered. Ben, I think you could put in parentheses awkward Ben at times, because you’re kind of an introvert. And this is, and I don’t know why I have to explain this. I feel like I have to explain to the listeners I know, you know, I’m not being hurtful when I say that. But like, I feel like I need to have a caveat. It’s not a bad thing. But I was just surprised how, you know, and I could tell by the way you were responding that it seemed pretty, okay. And it wasn’t awkward for you. So I’m actually surprised that I’m actually happily surprised by that. And I think it’s super important to have those kind of uncomfortable conversations with your kids,
for sure. And a lot of credit goes to my wife. Back when I was in youth ministry, she was essentially doing what I was doing, as far as you know, investing in the students, she did that for a lot of girls and sex came up a lot. And just the way she handled it and would report back to me, I was like, That’s amazing. Like, when we have kids, I’m so excited that you’ll be able to have those conversations. And so really, I’m kind of following her lead a little bit. She would tell the girl sex is messy. You don’t want to just have sex with some random guy that you’re not committed to like, it’s gross. It’s messy. It’s awkward. And I’m just like, Whoa, you said what? No. But I think just being married to a social worker and being married to a woman who, for as awkward and sheltered as I am. She’s the complete opposite. So that’s been a good balance for us.
Yeah, that’s Yeah, yeah. We always tease when we get together as a couple as we don’t get together as much as we should, obviously with COVID. But that leg, Andy and I are a lot alike. And Ben and Megan are a lot alike, as far as I mean, not identically, of course. But it’s always good to have a Ying and Yang, right. Like, I mean, while we’re opposite on some things, it’s helpful, it can cause issues, but it also causes issues if you’re the same on a lot of things. So, right, I’d rather have an opposite partner in life than than someone that was like me, because that sounds terrible.
Yes. Well, my takeaway is I’ve said it already on the show, but I think about the worst case scenario too much. And I was I was afraid the conversation about Mike and you and I’s friendship was going to be more hairy than it was and it wasn’t and we talked about it and it was fine. So yeah, I
think I think we’ve talked about it more and I think it’s so it’s like becoming just like everything like we our whole point of talking about this stuff, it becomes more less uncomfortable and more like okay, we’re trying to work through and be positive around that. So yeah, I can see where you could get that from that.
So yeah, it was a great show. Enjoyed this format. It was a little bit different but
yeah, and I I appreciate you putting it together. Like I’ve always said you know, Ben kind of Ben and I have kind of a thing he does the show and the notes and I I added and all that fun stuff. But, guys, thank you for listening to threads, podcasts. Life unfiltered. We really appreciate everyone that listens and if you ever have a topic that you want us to talk about, or if you ever want to come on like we are open to having people on even the threads the you know the Matt Phillpotts Mikey’s already on so he doesn’t count but like does currently. But you know what I mean? If you ever have a topic you want to discuss, are you really passionate about it? reach out to us we’d love to have you on we are pretty much open to anything so right Ben? Almost always like, well, you’re not. Right. Well, we’ll have to talk about almost everything we said. So, yeah.
have a good, whatever. You’re listening to this and we’ll we’ll see you next week. See ya.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai