Transcription #125

Hi guys, welcome to threads podcast. Life unfiltered. Thank you so much for joining us tonight. Tonight we have a interview with Rachel Curran that I say right securin Z, I can’t even do it. That’s I, I should like on the on the interview nights, I should let Ben do it because I can’t do it. I usually just do the first name, I just say, Rachel.

Rachel is a parenting coach. But before we get into what she’s all about, Ben’s gonna tell us what threads is all about and tonight’s direction, and then we’re gonna do a little icebreaker, see what’s up, and then we’re going to talk to Rachel. All right, well, if you are one of Rachel’s people, thank you for listening in and joining us for this interview, we’re glad you’re here. Or perhaps you’ve been a longtime listener, while we’re also thankful for you. So on this podcast, we like to focus on three main topics. Those are faith, mental health, and uncomfortable conversations, we’ll see how many of those three we fill up tonight. And our whole purpose of doing this show is to create a space where it’s okay to talk about things that are difficult things that are uncomfortable, where we can be open and honest with each other. And treat this as a space to learn and to grow, and to invite our listeners to join us in that process of growth. So that’s kind of a little bit of who we are what we do here on the threads podcast. Our name comes from the idea that in life, there are far more things that tie us together than there are those that separate us. So we cling to those threads. And we’ve named our show after it. Our tagline is life unfiltered. And the whole point behind that is just as it sounds, we want to be authentic, and not just a brushed up social media representation of life. But we want to talk about life and represent life and all of its odd and embarrassing and awkward intricacies as well.

So before we interview Rachel and have a conversation about parenting, which, as a rough job, we’re gonna do a little icebreaker. And what we typically like to do is like, how are we each showing up tonight? Like how was your week? Those kind of things. So I’m gonna go first and I’m doing okay, I had a pretty good week, back to work doing lawn fertilization, as our listeners know, so it’s my fourth week back actually got five days of work in and so yeah, I’m ready, excited for the weekend. Just kick back and have a few beers and that kind of thing about you, Rachel.

I’m doing good. I’m, I’m doing great. I’m here in New York. And it’s been kind of cold and chilly this week. Last week, we had a nice view of spring, we had some nice sunny days, but this week has been cold and chilly. But I’m happy for the weekend. I have two little boys. So it’ll just be nice to get out and enjoy some fun.

Yeah, it’s it’s been nasty. This week. I work outside and like the last two days has been sweater hat winter coat winter gloves, putting lawn like fertilizer down on lawns. Like, oh boy, I’m ready. I’m not ready for ABS like we had the other week. I’m ready for like 16.

Yes, sick, this would be a good compromise. Well, I am showing up today. It was just kind of a map kind of day, like there wasn’t anything necessarily bad. But there wasn’t anything that was like really super good. So it’s just just a day. for work. We had a I’m part of a networking group, which essentially means several representatives from different businesses get together and talk shop and share leads and that sort of thing. And that’s a great idea. So long as you have you know, more than three people. I went to a meet and greet type event. And there were three of us. It just kind of fell flat is there’s only so much networking you can do with three people. So that was just Yeah, whatever. But the good news is I got to lay on my hammock for a little bit when I got home. So hammock is everything. I’m telling you.

Ben in his hammock. So the networking thing was that like, was it zoom? Or was it in person?

It was in person. We went to the score, which is over by my house. Oh, so a super spreader event. Okay, cool. We all followed protocol. And there were three of us was three of you. Hey,

Michigan is like the top of the nation right now. And that’s where we’re at. So it’s true. Calm down, stay home, wear a mask. Everyone I said I wasn’t going to get like divisive. No, not that. That’s not the word. I don’t know. I’m terrible with words. controversial. That’s why I’m a podcast. Well, thanks guys for your check in. So Rachel, tell me about yourself if you like, let’s do it this way. We always try to say elevator pitch, right? So you’re in the elevator, somebody and you’re like, it would be so awkward to cold, not cold call them but cold elevator pitch. But I always try to do if someone asks what I do or kind of opens the door, then I’m like, Alright, you open the door. Good luck. So what would you tell somebody like a 62nd? elevator pitch what you do who you are?

Well, again, thank you, Ben and Jason, for having me here. I’m really excited to be here. I love what your podcast is about, and having those uncomfortable conversations and just really getting to know people. I love that. So thank you again. So about me. I work with parents of little ones. I work we work together on firm, but kinds parenting in all situations. And what that means is it helps the parents be in control. But love parenting again. And that’s really what I love parenting again. Hmm.

That’s, that’s, that’s tough. I mean, I hear I love it. But it’s tough. Because that’s can mean parenting can certainly not be fun at times. I remember days when I had littles, and not days, I want to repeat necessarily.

And that’s 100% true, it is because it’s very stressful. And you’re overwhelmed. Your anxiety is high. And with each new stage with each new age comes new struggles, right? And so many people are just going through it and not. And it can be a little bit easier with some help.

Okay, so you have two boys, what are their ages?

I have a four year old and a nine year old.

Okay, okay. Yeah, Ben, Ben and ice kids are older than that I have a well barely have a 10 year old, a 13 year old and a 23 year old. So you’ve gone through some stages,

I have gone through lots of stages. Yes, I often find myself asking Jason Is this normal for this age, because I don’t know what this is. And I’m not a big fan. But I have a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. My kids are adopted. And maybe we’ll get into some of that as well. Because adopted kids certainly have a different set of circumstances and life experiences compared to the neurotypical child, whatever that may look like?

Absolutely, absolutely. I’ve worked with children my whole life way before I had kids, and I was a mom. I have a master’s in early childhood, special ed and general education. And I’ve worked with children my whole life.

That’s awesome. So what does a typical day in your role look like? Is it home based? Or do you have an office you practice out of or I’m sure COVID probably put a cramp on some of that. But tell us about a day in the life.

It is. It is home based. I used to do early intervention for many, many years where I went into other people’s homes, and I worked one on one with the children and the parents, but it was more focused on helping the children progress. And then I’ve started to do this where I’m working more closely with the parents to really help them and give them strategies. Because so many parents said that they needed more support or they wish they knew this or they wish they had some guidance. So now I work closely with the parents so that they have that support and guidance. And I work from home. I’m here in my dining room. I don’t have an office this is this is my home office. Nice.

Yeah, you brought up the trying to figure things out as a parent I brought up several times on the podcast is like being a parent you know, it’s the most difficult job right in you don’t get a really a handbook. Yeah, there’s books out there and there’s videos and then you have you know, your parents that raised you and that’s supposed to help but there’s really no playbook for any of this and it you can even being connected through you know, this and texting and all that you can still feel alone a lot of times where you’re just like, I feel like I’m being a terrible dad and I’m, well I would say I’m pulling my beard out my beard hair out instead of my regular hair, but I’m just like, Am I the worst dad, ever? What is going on.

You know, I’m so glad that you’re honest. And that you’re saying that because so many parents, moms and dads struggle to admit that, that they’re having those feelings like, this is the worst day, like it’s 9am. And I’m already ready for bedtime. And it’s a terrible day. But they don’t want to admit that they feel guilty saying, you know, am I the worst today I’m having the worst day, but they don’t want to say that. And that’s, that’s a struggle that I’ve found.

And our show is all about kind of calling a spade a spade. I mean, just like, you know, I’ve had a shitty day and this is terrible. And, you know, I we talk a lot about our relationship with our wives and, and our kids and where we’ve totally messed up and, and it’s okay to talk about and I don’t know, I, I feel better when I talk about it. I mean, I don’t go on Facebook and said, I scream my kid down, use the F word. But I also don’t hide it if you know, you know, if it happens, and whatever I just like, well, man, I screwed out, I’m sorry, kid, like, I need to work on it.

You work with younger kids. And so I imagine you’re dealing with children who have many a tantrum. So I’ve experienced those firsthand with my kids when they were younger, and I’ve one of my kids had tantrums that would last hours, like he would just lay in a laundry basket and kind of just throw a fit and carry on and on and on. So help us understand. Because as parents, we get frustrated by that help us understand what’s going on in that little human brain of our child that’s causing them to act in that way. And we’ve all been there, that feeling of Oh my God, this kid will not shut up. What am I supposed to do? He keeps going on and on? Am I a horrible parent? Let’s talk some sense in this quiet moment while it’s here, because I’m sure for many of our listeners, they’ll be in that situation sooner or later. How can we rationally deal with a tantruming? child?

Absolutely, then, absolutely. When you’re you have toddlers and preschool children, they are learning about their emotions and their feelings. So they have these big emotions. And they don’t know how to express them. They don’t know how to get out, get it out. And a lot of times, they don’t have the language for it either. That they can’t clearly tell you, Daddy, this is what I want. I’m mad that my tower fell, and I can’t fix it. You know, they don’t have that language. And also, at that age, their world is in that moment. So even though us as parents say, Oh, the tower fell, it’s no big deal. It’s a really big deal to them. And when you say it’s no big deal, you’re also putting down their feelings, that their feelings aren’t important. And then it makes the tantrum worse. So all these things kind of go together. And that’s actually how the tantrum explodes and gets worse. And when your child is in the middle of the tantrum, you can’t go in and just give them a hug. It just doesn’t work. Right? Right, it doesn’t. I’ve had so many parents that they say they’re trying to hug them and calm them down. But you can’t go to a hug in a connection when they’re still angry and exploding. You can’t there’s a process. Yeah, the same way.

Yeah, it’s true. So with a kid, how do you defuse that situation? If it’s not a hug? What’s the right? That’s not the right word? What’s the most helpful approach when a kid is tantruming?

What I want parents to try to remember is that there’s a process so they’re angry, and it’s okay to be angry. We have to remember to separate the feelings and the behaviors. The feelings are always okay. It’s okay to be angry or frustrated, just like we get. But we want to teach them how to deal with those emotions appropriately. So the processes, being angry and getting out the anger in an appropriate way. that’s acceptable. You know, whatever that may be. Maybe it’s jumping, maybe it’s stomping your feet or making a fist, or maybe it’s screaming quick. But getting out that anger, then calming down. After they Calm down, then you can have connection hug, then you can have teaching where you talk about what happens. But you have to go through those steps. Yes.

How do you help a parent that deals with a child that might like those steps sound great, right. But some kids and adults, it takes longer. Talk about love languages, you know, like my 13 year old does not like to be touched. She doesn’t like hugs, which I hate, by the way, because I always want to hug her. But my younger son loves to be hugged. So how do you work with the parents to kind of decide, you know, it probably takes some time, or maybe it’s just trial and error to say, Oh, you know, let’s not rush in and do this, let’s do this.

It is a process, and it doesn’t happen overnight. And parents have to learn that with the process, you have to go through the steps. And then it will start to become more of a habit for you, for the parents to try to help your little one, get out the anger and then calm down. And every child doesn’t come down the same way either. So I help parents figure out the best way for them to calm down. Or the best way for you as mommy and daddy to calm down. Maybe, you know, like for me, I take a minute. And I tell my kids, Mommy needs a minute. And I take a minute right there so they can see me. And I take a minute. You know, sometimes my husband says he needs a bigger minute where he has to leave the room. But that’s okay. You, you set those expectations, you’re clear about it. So you say what’s happening. Mommy needs a minute. Daddy needs a minute. And you let them know. And that also shows them that you’re modeling the behavior you’re trying to teach them?

No, you’re fine. You’re fine. So you put down that you are a special work with no. Let me let me go back. Are you? Is this a full time gig for you? Are you still teaching?

I’m not doing early intervention since COVID. I wasn’t going in the houses anymore. So I am trying to make this more of a full time.

Okay, because I saw this special education and my son has autism. He’s the 10 year old and he’s what I call high functioning. He’s he’s actually okay with the social part. He actually struggled academically. How would you? I mean, it’s so hard with autistic kids, but like, what, what are kind of some of the things that you work with? If you work with any parents that have autistic kids? What are some of the tips and tricks that you try to work with them on if if they’re struggling because like some of the same parenting that might happen with neurotypical child doesn’t work with kids with autism?

You know, um, when I worked with autism, children, one on one all the time when I did early intervention, and I did ABA therapy, and I’m really in the home with autistic children for for many, many years, I did that. If he’s struggling academically, what I always tried to do was incorporate learning with something he enjoys. So anything yeah, if he likes trains, then you can do math based around trains. If, you know he likes learning about the weather, you could do math and science and learn new vocabulary all about weather. Okay, you know, so really bring in something that he already has an interest in. It helps him to want to know more. And he may not realize that he’s learning new words or other things when you incorporate it based on something he already has an interest in.

Okay, that makes sense. Yeah. You brought up the ABA therapy and my son is in. He’s going to ABA for many, many, many, many, many years. So he goes to school full time and then two days a week. After School for three hours, he goes ABA therapy. Wow. Three hours. That’s a lot for Yeah, he goes to school all day and then does that for three hours and then yeah, he does. He does well, though. That’s awesome.

So Jason mentioned his autistic son. And one of the things that we have in common that I think was very pronounced when we first got to know each other was the fact that we’re working with kids who aren’t necessarily neurotypical, or typical in any sense of the word. You know, the older I get, the more I realized that typical and normal and average, they’re not really, they don’t exist. Yeah, yeah. So I think those are labels that are not so helpful. But at any rate, he has an autistic son, I have adopted kids. So he asked, kind of about your perspective, perspective about the autism spectrum. I guess my question for you is, in your experience, have you worked with maybe kids who were adopted and had some attachment issues that they needed to sort through before they could, you know, fully learn or integrate, or whatever the case may be? What have you seen from that perspective?

Yes, absolutely. And with all children, and adoptive children, recognizing their feelings, and understanding that their feelings are valid, are really important. Because you may not know they are experienced before, and their age to really depends on a lot of how they’re going to adjust to being into a new home. You know, if they were old enough, where they are aware of who their parents were, they remember them and have even a few memories of them, then they clearly know that this was my mom and dad. And these are new, different people. And that’s a big adjustment, it’s, it’s a big adjustment for the parents that are adopting. And it’s a huge adjustment for the child as well. So everybody in the house is going through their own transition. And that’s very hard when you’re trying to be there and be supportive. But you’re also going through your own insecurities and your own transition, of having this child in the home that you didn’t have three months ago,

right. And it’s not like bringing home a newborn, where everybody gets to adapt. Like, we’re all good, we’re just gonna jump right in, we’re gonna have to adjust as we go. It can be very troublesome.

It can and I do recommend a way, and children are different. So it really depends on the child. But if the child doesn’t want to talk, and their little, have them draw pictures, how are you feeling what’s going on anything and just let them draw, get it out. Because drawing is therapeutic. So it also is, is known to be therapeutic to calm and relax them. But it also gets it out if they’re not at the stage where they can write in a journal or write things out. Drawing is is an excellent way for them to get out their feelings without necessarily talking to you about it.

Sure. Now, when they’re drawing, I guess, I hear what you’re saying. And I love it. And I can see value in it from the kids perspective. But here’s my honest to God, parent response. I don’t know what the hell my kids drawing all the time, like, How am I supposed to interpret that? And how am I supposed to, to make sense of it and help them? I mean, is it my place to help them? Or are they getting the help they need? Just by drawing it out? I guess is where I go.

A little of both, but by drawing it, it gives you an opening. So instead of you just saying how was your day today? or How are you feeling? Which we know As parents, we usually just get good. Or Oh, hey, you know, what, what’s the worst question is? So a drawing, it gives you an opening? Because you don’t want to assume what the picture is, because that’ll start a problem. So you just say, what did you draw over here? I like this color. That’s it, and just let them answer. So you see, whatever that images and let them talk about what that is and why they use that color. And it’s just an opening to start a conversation to just talk a little bit, huh?

Yeah, probably not be critical. The picture? No. So I got a question. Ben wrote this question. I’m going to use it but uh, so saying that we probably already heard Sometimes there’s no such thing as a bad kids, but there are bad parents agree or disagree? Like, is there such a thing that this kid is just a complete asshole? And like, there’s no amount of parenting or God to intervene that is going to make this kid better. Now, before you answer, I am a, I was abused growing up, like I had a really shitty childhood. And so I know that nurturing has a ton to do with what kind of adult you are. But I often wonder, you know, these parents, you see some parents, and they just seem like amazing parents, but their kids are just jerks. What do you think about all that?

Well, I don’t think there’s any bad kids. And I don’t like to say that, I think that they are really learning. And it is our jobs as the parents to help teach them that. Because if you do have not a great childhood, you’re not learning how to deal with your emotions or your behaviors, or you’re learning how to deal with it in a negative way. And then as an adult, that’s all you know, that’s how you deal with it. You know, and you mentioned before, you know, how you’re different parents how you were raised as a child. And maybe that’s all you know. And you have to learn as an adult, I had to learn this, too, I didn’t have the same experiences, um, but other things. And as an adult, you have to unravel those ways that you grew up and decide, I want to be a different parent, and then learn how can I be a different palette than the way I was raised. And you, we have that ability to do that, like I’m here to support parents and help them. And there’s ways that you can get that help. So you don’t have to do the same things that your parents did, you can end those cycles of fear and anger and crying. You know, same thing so many of us grew up with, stop crying, you’re fine. Right? And that really puts down the child tremendously. It makes them feel that their feelings are not okay. And that they’re not allowed to be upset. And you have to decide that you want to parent in a different way.

Yeah, well, deciding is I mean, I’ve been through years of therapy. So you can make that decision. But sometimes, you know, your mental, whatever doesn’t allow that. But no, I totally get it. You have to break that cycle and and try to be a better parent.

Deciding It is only the first step, right. You went you went through therapy, you need help with it. This is I don’t think it’s something that most people can do on their own that you need help. And you need support, to work through the other stuff. To get to a better place you that’s the process. Absolutely.

So you’re so your quote is there are no kids that are assholes? Yeah.

Nice. Yeah. In here’s the rub, the thing that really just gets me about that statement. And I think I think it’s more true than it is false, especially when it comes to parents. I’ve seen parents and I know of parents who saw issues with the way they were parenting, who knew that what they were doing wasn’t working. But for whatever reason, maybe because it was familiar. They just continued in those old patterns, to the detriment of their own children. So that leads me to the thought, and maybe there’s a question in here, too. I think of my wife story, there was a family at her church that just was seeing some of the stuff that was happening in her family life, and seeing a lot of the gaps that were a result of bad parenting. And so they stood up and they stood in for her and became family to her and to this day, to where we’re married. And we have kids of our own. They see that family as our family and it’s Grandpa and Grandma, and it’s the aunts and uncles and cousins, even though there’s no biological connection there. So I guess where I’m going with that is what are your thoughts on that type of a relationship if a parent isn’t capable or isn’t there I say isn’t interested in being that That type of a resource. Is it healthy for somebody else to kind of step in and play that role?

I do feel that there are people that shouldn’t be parents. Now, I do. Because if you aren’t going to be there for your children and take on that responsibility that it entails, and everything that it involves, there are some people, like you said, maybe aren’t up for it, or maybe don’t want to. And that’s okay, too, if you don’t want to be a parent. You know, that’s okay. There are people that shouldn’t be a parent. And I’ve seen it I worked in, you know, I worked in the city in New York City, and I worked in places where I had to, I bought things for the children, like I bought shoes, and I bought jackets, and I bought things, because they needed it. Mm hmm. So So I’ve seen that, like you said, from the church and different things, if other family is there, you know, if the grandparents are willing to take the child, or if the aunt is willing to take the child in and care for them, and be there for them, support them and love them and help them then that’s wonderful, then the child has somebody showing them love and, and being there for them.

Tell us kind of a while I hope you have a success story of how you help the child, you know, get from point A to point B where some you know, maybe a parent, a child that you’ve worked with, and you’re like, Oh, yeah, looking good.

I’ll tell you about a story. And I’m still close with this mother, you know, she used to call me her Angel. Because when I first started working with them, her son, like you said, would have tantrums for hours. And he used to hide, because like you said he wanted no connection. So he didn’t want to be with anybody. And he had no words. So we couldn’t express to you what he wanted. And it just turned into an hour underneath the table screaming, didn’t matter what the parents said, it didn’t matter what they tried to play with screaming under the table. And this is in person story. But I would sit next to him underneath the table for an hour, wow, every day, every week, and I would sit next to him underneath the table. And we got him out of the table. I learned how to point he learned how to talk together, he was able to tell his mom exactly what he wanted it first with pointing and then with words and sentences. And now he’s in school, and he plays soccer after school. And he has some, you know, social trouble. But he knows that he does well in a smaller situation than in a large group. And the parents have learned how to work with him best, where he will get his best results.

Hmm, awesome. That’s so cool. Just to think of a kid under the table having a fit. And then that kid becomes a team player on the soccer team and just successful. And that’s a great story. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, that’s awesome. So as I think about your role, it’s, it causes me to think about the time that I served in full time ministry with parents. And, you know, as I worked with parents, there were certain themes, certain obstacles that I saw that were kind of common, you know, and we would have parent meetings just to talk and be a support group for each other. So I’m just curious, what type of obstacles are commonalities? What are the struggles that you’re seeing and parents with their kids? That maybe it would just be good for some of our listeners to hear and know that, Oh, I’m really not the only one that’s dealing with this parenting issue. There’s other people like me, what are the common obstacles or things that you’re seeing these days? Maybe in light of COVID, or in spite of COVID?

I think it’s great that you said that and a lot of times parents do think that they are alone. Because there is this, you know, stigma of saying that you’re struggling or saying that it’s a problem. You know, so people still have trouble stating that they that they need help and with parenting. It’s said you know, it’s supposed to be hard parenting is hard and this sucks and it’s just supposed to be that This way, that bothers me. Because it doesn’t have to be that hard. But, um, transitions are a big deal. You know, there’s everyday transition, which is turning off the TV or taking a bath, going to daycare, then there’s big transitions bringing home a new baby. starting school after being home for like six months, that was a big deal. Last year, I’m going back to daycare or going back to school was very hard for many children. And the ages that I work with, as we discussed tantrums is a big deal. And on a lot of people’s minds, as well as like bedtime and food time battles. Yes, those those are those are very common and language development. Those are the most common things in these ages. Hmm.

So as we’re wrapping up towards the end, I got a couple of questions. And then we’ll get the opportunity to talk about, you know, where people can find you. What are some practical things that parents can do to maintain sanity? Like, even in the midst of a very difficult season? Like what, what what would you say that would be the best thing? I don’t know. Try that. Like, I’m sure each one is unique, right? So it’s like, it might be different from child eight a child B. But do you have anything in general that that a parent could do to maintain their sanity, even through the difficulties you’re talking about, like going back to daycare now that things are opening up a little bit more?

Absolutely. routine. setting expectations, and being consistent, is really what you need to do during any stage. Because when you have a routine, you know, like even putting TV time into your routine, you watch TV after bath. If that’s what happens every day, there’s not going to be a tantrum at one o’clock to watch TV because they know when they get it, right. So, but being consistent, is what keeps that going. Because when you’re consistent. Children then know what to expect their bodies know what to expect, and they know what’s coming next, which helps minimize the tantrums. It helps with bedtime, if they go to bed, if you have a bedtime, if you have a morning routine. If you have a routine in place for your day and different parts of the day, and can be consistent. It will really help your sanity. It will really help.

Yeah, I think the one thing as I have I have a little bit older kids, but with my son being autistic, you know, routines and everything. But I struggle with a consistency like even in my own life doing things, you know, trying to go to the gym three days a week and do all those things consistent. So I think I bet you most parents dropped the ball on the consistency. Yes, yeah. Consistency is hard. Yeah, you can come up, you can come up with a plan, right? You’re like, okay, here’s the plan. And you can implement a couple of times, but then on day, you know, six, you’re just like, okay, I am going back to here’s your tablet, because I want to, you know, drink six beers. You know what I mean? So like, I get the consistency, that that is a struggle for me for sure.

Yeah, man. Consistency is one of those things that I like to say I’m good at and in some arenas I am, but for whatever reason, parenting, it’s hard to be consistent, because I feel like I want to maintain a good relationship with my kids. But I also want to be consistent, and sometimes it’s hard to balance those two. So yeah,

yeah, you it’s hard to balance because of emotions, right? going to the gym is just, I mean, there’s emotions involved with that, but you’re like, not gonna hurt anyone’s feelings. If you don’t go to the gym. If you do go to you know what I mean? Like, so it’s but when you’re dealing with like kids, or your wife or whatever, like, those are the times where it’s like, consistency is great. But then you have this emotion involved with it. And that screws up everything.

It does try to remember about being consistent, that it will help them know what to expect, right? So it will help the relationship because you’re having less battles, and you’re less frustrated, because they will know what’s going to happen. And children do better when they know what to expect.

Yeah, they do. And yeah, but again, it’s hard. Like try we have people like Rachel to help us

right like try to limit you be like Alright, that’s it. I’m done with this day. screentime you guys have been playing Nintendo Switch too long, you’re only getting a half hour a day. And that lasts for about two days. And then like I said, Your looks like a. I mean, that’s the problem too is like, how how do you try not to beat yourself up as a parent? You know, we talked about being vulnerable and talking about it, but there’s always that guilt of, you know, I actually struggle with that. I mean, I Ben and I verbalize it maybe more than Ben does, but I just like I, I mean, I know I’m a good dad, but I feel like I could do so much more. But then I also have the demons with me, like my own demons and stuff. So I don’t know. What What do you think? Um, cuz I’m sure parents do tell you like, Oh, I’m feeling like such a guilty parent, do you? What’s the pep talk? You tell him to be like, you’re not that bad? I promise.

It’s hard it is because they are our little ones. And they are our babies. And then we think we’re not doing something white or we’re not doing or we could have done this better. Yeah. And I really think social media plays a big hand in making us feel worse. Oh, yes. Because you know, you go on you scroll, and you see these, Oh, perfect picture, or the little one eating a full dinner or all this stuff. And you really have to remind yourself that you don’t know what took that mom, 45 minutes to take that one picture. Or, you know, you don’t see all the food on the floor, you just see the corner of the picture. It’s very easy to show a perfect picture online. And that’s not really how it is for anybody. And I try to tell parents that there is no perfect. You want to do your best and your best for your child’s but there is no, perfect.

Yeah, that’s funny. You bring that up. So there’s I actually saw it today because you know, tic tocs the new thing. Well, it’s not even new anymore. Like I’m obsessed with it. It’s actually kept me off Facebook a little bit more. So I’m okay with it. But you know, for this girl, woman pops up and her whole platform is like, let me show you how shitty This is going on. Like she shows me. This is what my kid had for lunch, two packs of Doritos and Apple, apples and peanut butter. But which I really liked that she did that. But it almost caused me anxiety. But you know, they’re like one minute videos, right? Like, towards the end. I’m like, okay, I love that you’re showing me all this, but you might want to bring it around just a smidge. And I felt bad thinking about that. But I’m like, I mean, I I honestly probably could show everything but I don’t know, it just I do like it when people just kind of just show their stuff to a point like I you know, sometimes we need to maybe that was TMI, I don’t know. But anyways,

well, that’s me. You. You have real conversations, which is great. Yeah.

So as we wrap up, my last question for you is if you could give overwhelmed parents a piece of advice or encouragement or just something they could take with them and hold on to from our time together? What would that be?

Well, I think really a recap of what we’ve said that there there is no perfect, you are not alone in this. You know, I promise you that other parents have gone through the bedtime battles, and putting on pajamas and I don’t want to brush my teeth. You’re not alone. And that if you can find a way to have a routine, and set your expectations, let your little one know what you expect. Because if you don’t know what you expect, your little ones are not going to be able to do it.

Right. That’s great. So how can people find you? I know you have a Facebook group that you run for parents, and then do you have a website or anywhere people can reach out to you if they want to use your services or just have a conversation?

Yes, thank you. I am on Facebook all the time. I have a parenting Facebook group, which is explore kid talk, parenting guidance for early childhood. And that’s what the group is focused on all early childhood toddlers, early childhood. Anybody can message me all the time on Facebook. It’s Rachel KK y. It’s a little different on Facebook. And I have a parenting membership, where we have group calls and a community to support each other so that you really know that you’re not alone. I also work with parents, one on one for individualized support as well.

Okay, so the best way to reach you is to go to to Facebook and we’ll we’ll link all that in the show notes too, for sure.

Absolutely. And I have a website which is explore kid talk.

Okay. All right, calm. Yeah, I just want to clarify because you know, a lot of coms are getting run out of town. So, right. mortar dot dotnet all that stuff. So Rachel, I really appreciate a we really appreciate the time. You know, it’s a Friday night at seven o’clock. So it’s, you know, this is when Ben and I normally record and, and I appreciate you willing to give up an hour of your time to kind of talk about parenting and the uncomfortableness and in those kinds of things. This was wonderful. Thank you so much for having me.

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